BirchTree Collection by Sarah King

We all want to live by the beach don't we?  OK, most of us do.  These pictures are taken in Southern California and really capture the scenery and wildlife.  This photographer is Sarah King, and while her Etsy shop may be new, her talent is anything but.  Go check out BirchTree Collection on Etsy and Instagram and keep checking back as more photos are added regularly!  Looking for something specific?  Drop her a line and maybe she can capture exactly what you're looking for!

How Lemonade Proves Beyonce is Shady AND Incredibly Smart

      Before you watch Lemonade, there should have been a disclaimer at the beginning.  "Warning: This mind blowing event will send you on a roller coaster of emotions.  Don't watch without someone to discuss with during and after."  I would have very much appreciated that before watching it by myself at 2am.  Beyonce is not new to us, we know how she operates, and we also know almost everything she touches turns to gold.
   
       Most of us met Beyonce as part of Destinys Child.  I know I did, and if you didn't well then I just dated myself.  I wasn't an obsessive Destinys Child fan (*NSYNC was out at the same time duh) but I was a fan.  I knew all the words to all the songs and saw most of their video premieres on TRL (again, dating myself).  Beyonce was always the breakout star, and we all knew she would go on to be incredibly successful.  I don't think we knew just to what extent she would take her stardom to.

    I could go on and on about her success, her singles, her albums and all things Beyonce but I'm just going to jump right into Lemonade, because that's all that really comes to mind when you think of her right now.  A lot of people will probably disagree with my opinion of Lemonade, but then again I really disagree with most other peoples opinion of it.  Lemonade is really a roller coaster of infidelity, female empowerment, self discovery, anger, and forgiveness.  It opens up with Beyonce insinuating that Jay-Z is a dirty cheater who has been coming home at 3am reeking of other women.  Then Beyonce runs around smashing everything in town with a baseball bat (who doesn't want to do that??).  After that we get crazy gansta Beyonce, then a softer Beyonce, then her and Jay-Z are cuddling on a bed, then WAIT....WHAT?  Yeah that's when the mind blowing started.

     Look, I've never been the biggest Beyonce fan.  I like some of her songs and I think she is a smart talented woman, but do I own all of her albums? No.  When I started watching Lemonade my heart sank for her.  I was so sad for her and felt for her.  Her voice sounded so wounded and hurt that you couldn't help but feel for her.  When she started smashing things up and going gangsta I was like "Yeah you get it girl, show that asshole!!"  By the time we got to her and Jay-Z snuggling on the bed and him caressing her feet, I was already so emotionally involved that I blurted out "What the fuck?"  I was so confused, especially since the rest of the thing is almost a big love fest ending with wedding footage and rolling around on the turf at the Superdome.  When it was all said and done I realized that I had just been willingly taken on a ride through one of the biggest marketing ploys I had ever seen.  Here's why:

  1.  I didn't realize it was all a sham right away, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made.  First of all, why would you go and tell the entire world that your husband cheated on you and then in almost the same sentence say oh well its OK because we are working on it?  Could you imagine someone you know making a Facebook post like that?

"I am so sad to be writing this but we wanted everyone to know.  Steve cheated on me with God knows how many women, for God knows how long.  I'm mad, depressed, angry, and hurt.  My world crumbled around me and it all felt like a slap in the face.  BUT don't be mad or think anything of it because we worked on it and are going to stay together!" Seriously could you imagine?  It makes no sense for a normal person to do it, let a lone a celebrity.  Which brings me to my next point.

2.   Are you really trying to tell me that one of the most notoriously private couples just decided to tell everyone their deepest darkest secret?  There are private celebrity couples, and then there are Jay-Z and Beyonce.  They wouldn't even admit they were married for the longest time and we didn't see a picture of it until years later, but yeah they want us to know he cheated.

3.  Lets say he did cheat and for whatever reason Jay-Z agreed to air their dirty laundry.  Am I supposed to believe he then agreed to be in the video documentary that chronicles his infidelity?  Come on people.

4.  Becky?  What did he cheat on her in the 90s?  I know its not the real name of the supposed side chick but that was the best she could do?


5.  Tidal has been struggling.  Its doing OK but it sure isn't doing what they thought it would.  Kanye's latest album debacle didn't help either.  His sales were so poor on Tidal that he had to release it on other platforms.  I am aware that Lemonade was probably done sometimes ago, but its no secret that it has improved Tidals subscriptions by a very large margin.  Since Lemonade was announced Tidal is now the number one downloaded app.

Those are my reasons for believing the entire thing is a marketing ploy and I don't buy it, literally and figuratively.  The fact that both her and Jay-Z have been radio silent regarding it proves they pulled it all off without a hitch.  Everyone is talking about it, Tidal subscriptions are surging, and they are laughing all the way to the bank.  They will come out eventually and say how it was all fiction, and how the story "wasn't about them" and then everyone will feel exactly the way I do right now...duped.  However, is it her fault?  Nope.  She knows her audience and her NON audience.  She just might be the smartest artist I have ever seen, and I give credit where credit is due.  Like I said, I have never been a huge fan, yet I had to watch it, listen to it, and friggen write about it.

 Beyonce-1 Brittany-0

Gwen Stefani--This Is What The Truth Feels Like Review

I've been a fan of No Doubt since I was 10 years old.  I've written about this before.  They changed my life, saved it really and ever since then I have followed both the band and Gwen Stefani, pretty close.  I'm the person that friends and family tag when there is any ND/Gwen news.  If there is a rumor, yo I'll get to the bottom of it, those close to me know that.  When Gwen announced her heartbreaking divorce from Gavin Rossdale all of us (fans or not) let out a collective "NOOOOO" or "WHAAAAT?" as we all thought this would be the relationship that never ended.  After feeling terrible for her, I thought to myself "she must be writing her ASS off right now."  It appears I was right and what was born out of the tragedy was "This Is What The Truth Feels Like".  

On the fence?  I'm going to cover all of the songs (including the Japan release)

1.  "Misery"

Misery is a slow pop song with a light synth and some clapping with snapping thrown in.  When I first heard it I couldn't figure out if it was a sad song or a happy one, turns out its really both.  My assumption is a girl in misery over a break up and the begging for someone to put her out of her misery. One other way I interpreted it was the misery of being separated in a new relationship.  This is one of my favorites on the album

  
Put me out of my misery/Hurry up come see me/Enough enough of this suffering

2. "You're My Favorite"

This one reminds me of a classic 90's R&B song. Another slow song with bubbly undertones and a snap filled hook.  No doubt (no pun intended) about a certain someone being her favorite person to be around.  The title is pretty self explanatory and this song is another winner, although not one of my favorites.

Oh, but out of everything, you're my favorite/I tried a lot of things, but you're my favorite

3.  "Where Would I Be?"

I get another early 90's vibe from this one with a little bit of jazz thrown in, some rapping with a side of reggae.  I know how that sounds but honestly it really works together.  Another Blake inspired song about her wondering where she would be if he hadn't swooped her off her feet.  It is honestly really cute.  My only opposition to the song is the middle rap part "WUUUUT UH UH" not for me, but overall I like the song as a whole.

Where would I be boy/If you didnt love me boy/If you didnt love me boy

4.  "Make Me Like You"

The second single off the album caught everyones attention, and the first ever live music video shown during the Grammys didn't hurt either.  The song is really fresh and happy, and all about new love, whats not happy about that?  Gwen is just settling into her new single life and here comes Blake making her fall for him.  I really like this song, but I have heard it so much from it being a single that it has not convinced me to like it again...yet

Oh I can't believe it/How good it could be/Didn't wanna believe it/but now you are all I see

5.  "Truth"

One of the best songs I think Gwen has ever written.  I don't think there is enough good things I can say about it.  You can hear the pain and relief in her voice.  After what sounds like years and years of lies, she is finally discovering what its like to be in an honest and truthful relationship.  Its really beautiful and heartfelt.  Shes aware you are all calling her relationship a rebound and she doesn't care what you think.  Definitely one of my top 2 for this album.

So this is what the truth feels like/This is more of what I had in mind/Yeah this is what the truth feels like/And I'm feeling it/I'm feeling it

6.  "Used To Love You"

The heartbreaking first single off of this album is so incredibly raw and powerful.  When I say that I mean its on "Don't Speak" level.  So angry and hurt by the sudden implode of her world she realizes it hurts so much because she used to love that total asshat.   I said I was doing a review, I never said I was a professional people!  This is a song that anyone that has ever had their heart broken can relate to.  We love you Gwen!

Suitcase, band-aids/Pulling back out the driveway/You go I'll stay/
You can keep all the memories

7.  "Send Me A Picture"

Totally sexy song, great beat and makes you want to send a dirty picture to someone.  However me personally I have a hard time getting past "picture" sounding like "pitcher".  Total pet peeve of mine, no fault of Gwen's.  I do love the range of her voice in this song though!

I don't wanna wait cause the anticipation is killing me/I don't wanna/wait no/I don't wanna wait

8.  "Red Flag"

Starts off with sad violins and then all of a sudden sad Gwen turns into Badass Gwen and look out.  If you want a peek into what Gwen and Gavins relationship was like, listen to this song as you read the lyrics.  It is for the most part rapped (think Orange County Girl).  Gwen recounts all of the red flags she encounters that she self admittedly ignored.  She is pretty harsh on herself too, calling herself a loser and saying she has no common sense.  Gwen none of this is your fault, its easy to look over things when you are in love.  Remember HE is the asshat here.  I love this song and when I want to feel cool I over rap this with hand movements and facial expressions until I pull up to a stoplight, freeways are fair game, if a car catches me I just make sure I'm faster than them.

Big mistake/red flags fly/Right here/but I close my eyes/Carelessly/I let it slide

9.  "Asking 4 It (ft. Fetty Wap)"

This song feels so out of place and it is probably my least favorite song. The message is well received, shes finding herself and Blake is asking for it by getting involved with her.  I can think of a million different ways this song could have been executed with the lyrics she wrote, but I'm a housewife in the OC and she has an entire team of producers so I'm going to accept that I may not know what I'm talking about.  This song just isn't for me

You're asking for it/you're asking for it/I dare ya/dare ya/dare ya

10.  "Naughty"

Oh boy, Naughty.  "Asking 4 It" is like a palate cleanser after "Red Flag" because I don't think we would have been able to handle "Red Flag" and "Naughty" back to back.  "Red Flag" gives us an insight to their turbulent relationship and then "Naughty" tells us pretty much what the final straw was.  She writes it so detailed you can literally picture it.  She has his phone in her hand (she has the codes she explains) finds whatever she finds and then looses it (rightfully) wagging her finger in his face.  "HA Oh my gawd" she yells in the background, my guess meaning "do you have any idea how stupid you are asshat? THATS how you tried to hide it?"  She said in a recent interview that she wished she could tell us what happened because it is a "juicy story" but this is pretty clear.  Without saying it she confirms part (of not all) of what we heard that total asshat did.  I mean she DOES say "you did it you did it, and then you hid it you hid it).  Overall its a very sultry song, plenty juicy. 

Thinking that nobody/nobody knows/But I got your number/I got your codes/This ain't the first time at the rodeo/hello

11.  "Me Without You"

Gwen is done in this song.  Its like a 2016 version of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive".  Shes going to be just fine without you asshat, don't you worry.  Yeah maybe she needed you before but its time to be Gwen not Mrs. Rossdale, and shes not scared anymore.  Bye bye asshat

No I don't need you/not a little bit/To myself/I've finally admitted it
No I don't need you/not a little bit

12.  "Rare"

I was so glad to see this album end on a happy note (literally).  Its an uplifting song about being thankful to someone that has done nothing but treat you better than you have ever been treated in your life.  Finding a person like that is "Rare".  I keep reading media stuff about this song saying that Gwen is calling Miranda a "stupid girl" based on the line "Only a stupid girl would let you go".  I think it could be taken one of two ways.  Either she is calling Miranda stupid OR she is saying she herself would be stupid to let it go.  I really think its the latter but its kind of fun to leave people guessing and talking too.  This is another one of my favorites on the album.

You're so good and you don't even know/You're rare
And only a stupid girl would let you go/don't you know?

Bonus Tracks (Target) 

Buy From Target HERE

"Rocket Ship"

Shes leaving asshat in the dust, like so far behind her that she mine as well be in space.  Its a very funk sounding song.  Less singing on this track and more talk singing.  Not one of my favorites, but I didn't think it was bad

You've been wrapping these chains all around me/On a leash/thinking I'd obey/I know exactly what you think about me/That I wouldn't/that I couldn't escape

"Getting Warmer"

Another one of my favorites.  It totally reminds me of an 80's song that seamlessly transitions into 90's and then even trancey.  Its sexy, her voice is amazing, and you can dance to it.  I don't even know how else to describe it, it really is that good in my opinion.

I got an idea/you can save me and I can save you
I got an idea/we can be nice and we can tell the truth

"Obsessed"

The "na na na"s in this song remind me of the Spice Girls .  This would be a really good song to work out to or even dance around the house.  It is energetic, fast, and jumpy.  Not one of my favorites but it still has a place on this album

Got my windows down/Guess I'm not going home/No I'm not going home

"Splash"

I don't know why but when the song first starts I think of Bowie, and I love it.  Quickly it leads into Gwen rapping on another sultry sexy track.  This song can be interpreted in so many ways, I think it is part cleansing, starting over, new love, and finding yourself.  It is a song that you may not like at first but the more you listen he more you get sucked in and want more.  The guitar solo is pretty awesome and gives me so much 80's realness, its a perfect addition to the song. I likey

Must be a sign/All the energy's pulling me right back to you
Tonight gonna bottle you up and wear it like perfume

Japanese Bonus Tracks

"Loveable"

This is one that I really feel like should have made it on the regular release.  It is another one that fits into the entire flow of the album. Her voice is raw and empowering, sad and truthful.  The lyrics are all her working through her thoughts in what seem like real time. 

You're so guilty/come on/just surrender/talking in circles
Did I love you?/I can't remember

"War Paint"

I was thrown off by War Paint when I first heard it.  "WTF is this" I said out loud.  After U got through the heavy tribal sound I actually settled in and listened to the lyrics.  I listened to it about 3 or 4 times before I really decided what I think its about.  This sounds like a woman on a mission.  My honest reaction was her getting ready for court, confronting asshat, or just getting ready to take on the world as Gwen Stefani for the first time in 20 years.  We are so ready for you Gwen

Some scars you just can't cover up/Here I am again/This time I just have had enough

Overall this album is a must.  Does it sound like No Doubt? NO, its not a No Doubt album.  It doesn't even sound like anything she has ever put out before in regards to her solo stuff.  I personally was a little worried not too long ago when "Baby Dont Lie" and "Spark The Fire" came out.  It just wasn't Gwen.  Even though I don't like every single song I still haven't skipped any of them.  This is coming from someone that does skip certain No Doubt songs and other Gwen solo works.  If you are on the fence, don't be.  There is literally something for everyone on this album.  Just go out and buy it, you will not regret it.  If you have ever been in a new relationship or had your heartbroken then this is for you.  That's pretty much everyone--so go

Seriously Internet?

I am a huge football fan.  At times I am too big of a football fan.  Family and friends make fun of me when they see me watch a game due to my swearing, jumping, screaming, cries of agony, and so forth.  I like to talk trash to the TV and joke with friends of mine that root for teams I despise, its all in good fun and they know that.  Sometimes I like to read stories online and check out the comments, for the most part they are filled with fun banter, dirty jokes, and excellent comebacks.  Occasionally, I will see some people get into it, but it typically doesnt last more than a few comments back and forth.

I wont lie, if I had to pick one team that I despise more than any other team, its the Patriots.  I don't need to get into why, that's a story for another day.  This doesn't sit well with most of their fans, why? I have no idea.  Yeah my team is the Rams (save it, I know they aren't good and haven't been for a while), and yeah the Patriots beat us in the Super Bowl.  If you know me I have probably baited you into my Rams VS. Patriots Super Bowl speech, if you haven't heard it I'm sure someone knows it by heart.

Before I go any further I need to explain the purpose of this post.  This isn't about me crying, or not being able to take it.  This isn't about sympathy and this isn't about every single fan out there.  This is really about how far people think they can go when disagreeing with someone.  The protection of being in their home, for whatever reason, makes some people think they are invincible.  I think in a moment some forget that we are actually talking to another person on the other side of that invisible wall.  This was a snippet of what happened today, over the span of a few hours.

Some story pops up on my new feed about Tom Brady saying "everyone fucking hates us, lets win it all next year" after getting booed at the Super Bowl.  I made this comment "Soooooo he hasn't been trying to win every other season? This shows what an idiot he is".  Thats it, yes I'm guilty, I called Tom Brady an idiot.  These were some of the responses:

You had shown how stupid you are 

You're fucking retarded

Attention Whores doing what Attention Whores do best

Brittany you really are retarded. Saying I have forgot more about football implies that my information I forget cause I know so much exceeds your small peanut brain. Not talking about the stuff I know.

 I'm tearing into this bitch

I love when women try and act like they know something about football.....it's called motivation....

 You're a cunt Brittany I bet you can't even make a sammich

Why are people like you allowed to reproduce is beyond me, Brittany

Remember, I didn't threaten to kill his family, wish him ill will, beg for something bad to happen to him, or even swear.  I called him an idiot.  I've called a lot of people idiots before. You have called people idiots before (and worse).  I started off replying sarcastically thanking people for their comments, but it really just got worse.  It made me wonder just why someone would get so incredibly offended by someone making such a small comment.  If you can believe it, there were worse ones than above.  It is a perfect example of people that can't distinguish fantasy from reality.  If someone says something you see as mean about a celebrity you adore go ahead and shake your head then move along.  I love Gwen Stefani and No Doubt, I see lots of nasty things written about both of them daily, do I sit around and defend their honor? Uh, no they are adults and I'm pretty sure they don't care what people have to say, they are too busy with their nice houses, cars, vacations, etc.  I love the Rams, do I sit around and defend them against every person that says they suck by telling them I hope their mother dies? No because that's something psycho, but people do it.  Would I call Brady an idiot to his face for sending that text? Yeah I would, it was an idiotic thing to say, almost implying that you only really want to win it all next year because everyone hates the team (but I'm pretty sure they were booing just him).  Isn't that kind of the goal in the NFL for every team? To win the Super Bowl? Yeah exactly

How do all of these people know I'm not some cyber terrorist with a fake profile that could ruin their life with a simple click of the mouse? Or that I'm not some psycho killer?  Did I expect some backlash? Kind of, I assumed someone would tell me to shut up, or my favorite "get back in the kitchen" (which I did get a lot of this one being my favorite actually, very creative)

Was it nice of me to call Brady an idiot? No it probably wasn't. Was it really that horrible to warrant the response? Not even a little.  I don't even worry about me and how I handle it, I worry about my kids getting on the internet soon and encountering things like this.  I cant imagine being a kid and reading things like that being said about me.  It honestly opened my eyes to what is possible out there, and why some kids (and even adults) cant handle it.  People have killed themselves over things like this.  Would you really want to be responsible for something like that because you just couldn't help yourself?

Like I said before, I'm not crying about it, I can handle it.  Some of the comments were actually funny.  I'm more just saying be careful before you really lay into someone on the other side of the internet, especially if you are a "fan" trying to defend a celebrity (someone you don't know).  I can guarantee that celebrity isn't at home writing thank you cards or sending you tickets in the mail for calling someone a "fucking retard" or a "cunt". Actually Tom, if you are reading this and would like the names of your truly dedicated fans let me know and I will get them to you, I left their names out, because contrary to what a lot of them think I'm not that mean.  It really is best sometimes to not even say anything.  It may seem fun (to some?) because it is the invincible internet, but you just never know.  Have fun and banter, some of the best conversations I have had have come from disagreements and sarcastic back and forth jabs. Talking to someone like that, especially on the internet, doesn't make you intimidating or a badass, it makes you look like a fool that has nothing intelligent to say so you resort to the lowest level.   We are always going to disagree, its part of being human.  Dont let someones opinion ruin your day! Take a deep breath, I promise it will be OK, but maybe think before you type

One Thing I Hate About Having A Daughter

Being a woman is one of the hardest things in the world. I could list a million different reasons why, but what I find is THE hardest is our image. I don't mean the way we come across, I mean flat out the way we look. What color our hair is, how smooth our legs are, what size breasts we have, our shoe size, and of course the most important to everyone....our weight.

I'll never forget the actual day I started worrying about my weight.  I may have told this story before but it's important.  I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. The guy I was dating at the time called and said he wanted to stop by and say hi real quick. Being 15, nothing made me happier than that. He pulled up in the driveway and I hopped in the passenger seat, he gave me a quick peck and then sat back in his seat. Out of nowhere he said (as he poked me in the stomach) "wow, you're putting on a little weight huh? Might need to do something about that." Now I have to say, I was notorious for dating some real douches in high school (yes mom you were right, AGAIN) but I had never really been worried or concerned with my weight until then. I was mortified and humiliated and remember going in the house and immediately getting on the scale. To clarify I was a size 5, an apparently humongous, gross, size 5. I have had a problem with my self esteem and image ever since then. All because ONE insignificant comment was made by ONE person 14 years ago. Something so small stuck with me and has managed to influence the way I see myself. This is terrifying now that I have a daughter.  

When I found out I was having the girl I wanted so badly I was elated. There was nothing that was more exciting to me. I imagined the dressing up, the barbies, the baby dolls, doing her hair and all the fun stuff. What managed to elude my mind was what she will inevitably deal with as she grows. The pressure to be a girl. To wear the right clothes, do her hair the right way, and yes even be the "right" weight. What worries me even more is that no matter how much I tell her she is beautiful, perfect, smart, and amazing she will still most likely at some point see herself the way others let her, I know because my mom tried to tell me the same things. I am 29 and I STILL have image issues, the same ones that started from that asshole in high school. I don't ever want my daughter to feel any less beautiful because of a number on a scale or on a pair of pants. 

The media, Hollywood, actors, singers models you name it always complain about the pressures of the "business", but who gives into the "business"?  They do. When are the ones that reluctantly influence our young girls the most going to take a stand on what beauty really is?  I am going to do every single thing in my power to make sure my daughter knows that no matter what, she is the most beautiful person in the world, but as long as there are teenage boys, magazines, and whatever else telling her what "beauty" is my uplifting words just might get lost, but I refuse to accept that. I refuse to let anyone influence the way she sees herself. My daughter will always know that beauty is on the inside, and only her opinion matters. I hope someday that is a trend that catches on. The big smile she wears everyday, is the same one I want to continue to see for the rest of my life. Love yourself, be yourself, and don't let anyone change the way you feel about yourself in a negative way. We are all beautiful

You Go Girl

Yesterday we all said goodbye to Bruce Jenner and were introduced to Caitlyn Jenner.  The first photo released was no doubt a shocker, I highly doubt it was what anyone expected, but that's the way she wanted it.  She busted out and said this is who I am, this is ME, get it all out now, oooo and ahhhh, snicker and sneer put your imagination to rest.  From the one picture you see a person that is truly happy in their own skin for probably the first time.  You see a person that has waited 65 years for their body to match their brain.  How can anyone be offended by that?  How can anyone have a problem with that?

It seems that most of the comments and reactions have been positive, but there are those that have a serious problem with it.  Yes, because the way someone chooses to live their life now affects the way those people live theirs.  Give me a break.  If Caitlyn Jenner has a direct affect on your kids, your marriage, or you then you have a problem.  Its fine to disagree with what she decides to do, its always fine to have your own opinion, you are entitled, BUT to call her a "monster" "disgusting" or "sickening" just means you are being a bully.  You know who is all those things?  Child molesters (looking at you Josh Duggar), rapists, murderers, child abusers, domestic abusers, etc.  Does Caitlyn belong with those people? Absolutely not.  What is she doing to you exactly?  Is she committing a crime? Is she making your children want to change genders? Are you afraid that if someone you know sees the magazine cover they are going to want to transition? These disgusting comments about someone they don't even know just shows how unaccepting we are as people.  Its time to wake up people.  Its 2015, if you have a problem with transgender, gay marriage, and whatever else then maybe you should go off the grid so you don't have to share your "perfect" world with "them".  The world would be a better place if we would just be HAPPY for one another.  There have been many times in my life that I didn't agree with what was going on around me, but you know what? They are HAPPY.  Who are you to decide what is OK to make people happy?  How would you feel if someone came up to you and started making negative comments on how you looked in public?  What if someone that didn't know you just came up and told you that you looked like a monster or a freak?  Or if someone sent you an anonymous tweet or message?  The first thing that would come to your mind is, who the hell does this person think they are to tell me how I should look?  What if someone came up that you didn't know and said your child was ugly?  Its unacceptable to tell ANYONE how they should present themselves.

We should accept and embrace our differences and be free to live our lives in America without being nasty to each other.  What she did is incredibly inspiring and courageous.  There is no doubt in my mind that by going through all of this so publicly she has shown some out there not to be ashamed of the way they feel.  That it is OK to be you.  Not to care what others think and be true to yourself.  I commend her and I hope the public can start being more accepting to those that decide to live their lives against what some people may call the "norm"

Parenting Karma...sorry mom

Karma. Its the one thing most of us look forward to when we have been wronged.  While the idea of it is very straight forward there are different forms of it.  There is the cheating karma, when you have been cheated on and cant wait for that no good asshole to experience it himself.  Driving karma, when the car who is far more important than you cuts you off, and all you want to see him hit the next red light, or watch him get cut off by an Oldsmobile being driven by a couple in their 80's on their way to Sunday brunch.  Those are just a few examples, but when you become a parent the ultimate karma against you is brewing, the one your parents have been waiting for...parenting karma.  If I had to try and make a definition of parenting karma it would be:  Remember what you did to your parents?  Well you're about to get it right back, and possibly worse by those little things you have been protecting.


We all remember what we did to our parents growing up.  The tantrums, coloring on the wall, screaming in public, saying "I don't love you anymore", sneaking out, lying, you can fill in your own blanks.  It was devastating to our parents, we hurt them, and even worse we disappointed them.  Oh yeah you remember how much that stung, it was the WORST to hear that.  While our punishments came in the form of no TV, no radio, no car, no boom box (WHAAAAT), no phone (land line people, land line), what our parents were secretly waiting for was for us to have kids so they could secretly chuckle under their breath.  When I found out I was having a girl I specifically remember my mom saying "Haha yes! oh I hope she is JUST like you" and not in a sweet way like I hope she has your beautiful eyes, no it was like oh I cant wait for her to drive you crazy with her teenage attitude.

While I have been dealing with some small cases of parenting karma (9 year old attitude, 5 year old talking back and 3 year old screaming throw myself on the floor tantrums) my small glimpse of what is to come surfaced yesterday.  Let me give a little back story.

When I was a super cool 17 year old senior in high school, my mom got a brand new car.  Right after she got it she went on a trip and wasn't going to take the car with her.  After some begging, promising, reassuring, and begging again she reluctantly agreed to let me take the car to school for one day.  She gave me the mom speech that I half listened to (I was 17 remember) and off she went on her trip.

That morning I checked my mirrors, clicked my seat belt, put in my No Doubt CD, and lit a cigarette ( I WAS 17 REMEMBER? SUPER COOL).  I puffed along down the road, finished it and threw it out the window.  Five second later my left thigh was burning, the cigarette had come back in a landed on my moms brand new seat, putting a nice burn mark, again on her brand new seat.  I started thinking, I was either going to run away and never come back, make up a story, or hide it.  I thought of buying my mom seat covers, but knew she was too smart for that, so I came up with a foolproof story. 
"I know you told me not to, but I picked up a friend that smoked a cigarette in the car and when he threw it out the window in came back in and landed on my seat" sounded legit to me.  She was understandably pissed off, and by no means believed me.  Cant imagine why.  She was so upset because it was this brand new car and I had gone and ruined it, every time she would get in the car she would be reminded of my careless behavior.  I don't think I was ever allowed to drive that car again. 

Yesterday I experienced my first big parenting karma.  I have been telling my 9 year old some for months not to take his bike out next to my car.  He likes to push in the handle grips exposing the metal.  I tell him EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. and he never listens.  Well yesterday he finally scratched the side of my car with his stupid handlebars, not buff out scratches either, deep metal scratches.  I was so mad I couldn't even yell at him.  In the middle of my lecture I realized I was nearly quoting the lecture I got from my mom when I was 17.  It was in that moment that I knew I am so screwed and am going to so get it the older they get.  So Mom, I'm sorry, and karma gods, please have mercy on me.
Lets just hope I never have to experience my daughter projectile vomiting in the back of my car after her bachelorette party, only to find out the bag she was given had a hole in it....again sorry mom