Seriously Internet?

I am a huge football fan.  At times I am too big of a football fan.  Family and friends make fun of me when they see me watch a game due to my swearing, jumping, screaming, cries of agony, and so forth.  I like to talk trash to the TV and joke with friends of mine that root for teams I despise, its all in good fun and they know that.  Sometimes I like to read stories online and check out the comments, for the most part they are filled with fun banter, dirty jokes, and excellent comebacks.  Occasionally, I will see some people get into it, but it typically doesnt last more than a few comments back and forth.

I wont lie, if I had to pick one team that I despise more than any other team, its the Patriots.  I don't need to get into why, that's a story for another day.  This doesn't sit well with most of their fans, why? I have no idea.  Yeah my team is the Rams (save it, I know they aren't good and haven't been for a while), and yeah the Patriots beat us in the Super Bowl.  If you know me I have probably baited you into my Rams VS. Patriots Super Bowl speech, if you haven't heard it I'm sure someone knows it by heart.

Before I go any further I need to explain the purpose of this post.  This isn't about me crying, or not being able to take it.  This isn't about sympathy and this isn't about every single fan out there.  This is really about how far people think they can go when disagreeing with someone.  The protection of being in their home, for whatever reason, makes some people think they are invincible.  I think in a moment some forget that we are actually talking to another person on the other side of that invisible wall.  This was a snippet of what happened today, over the span of a few hours.

Some story pops up on my new feed about Tom Brady saying "everyone fucking hates us, lets win it all next year" after getting booed at the Super Bowl.  I made this comment "Soooooo he hasn't been trying to win every other season? This shows what an idiot he is".  Thats it, yes I'm guilty, I called Tom Brady an idiot.  These were some of the responses:

You had shown how stupid you are 

You're fucking retarded

Attention Whores doing what Attention Whores do best

Brittany you really are retarded. Saying I have forgot more about football implies that my information I forget cause I know so much exceeds your small peanut brain. Not talking about the stuff I know.

 I'm tearing into this bitch

I love when women try and act like they know something about football.....it's called motivation....

 You're a cunt Brittany I bet you can't even make a sammich

Why are people like you allowed to reproduce is beyond me, Brittany

Remember, I didn't threaten to kill his family, wish him ill will, beg for something bad to happen to him, or even swear.  I called him an idiot.  I've called a lot of people idiots before. You have called people idiots before (and worse).  I started off replying sarcastically thanking people for their comments, but it really just got worse.  It made me wonder just why someone would get so incredibly offended by someone making such a small comment.  If you can believe it, there were worse ones than above.  It is a perfect example of people that can't distinguish fantasy from reality.  If someone says something you see as mean about a celebrity you adore go ahead and shake your head then move along.  I love Gwen Stefani and No Doubt, I see lots of nasty things written about both of them daily, do I sit around and defend their honor? Uh, no they are adults and I'm pretty sure they don't care what people have to say, they are too busy with their nice houses, cars, vacations, etc.  I love the Rams, do I sit around and defend them against every person that says they suck by telling them I hope their mother dies? No because that's something psycho, but people do it.  Would I call Brady an idiot to his face for sending that text? Yeah I would, it was an idiotic thing to say, almost implying that you only really want to win it all next year because everyone hates the team (but I'm pretty sure they were booing just him).  Isn't that kind of the goal in the NFL for every team? To win the Super Bowl? Yeah exactly

How do all of these people know I'm not some cyber terrorist with a fake profile that could ruin their life with a simple click of the mouse? Or that I'm not some psycho killer?  Did I expect some backlash? Kind of, I assumed someone would tell me to shut up, or my favorite "get back in the kitchen" (which I did get a lot of this one being my favorite actually, very creative)

Was it nice of me to call Brady an idiot? No it probably wasn't. Was it really that horrible to warrant the response? Not even a little.  I don't even worry about me and how I handle it, I worry about my kids getting on the internet soon and encountering things like this.  I cant imagine being a kid and reading things like that being said about me.  It honestly opened my eyes to what is possible out there, and why some kids (and even adults) cant handle it.  People have killed themselves over things like this.  Would you really want to be responsible for something like that because you just couldn't help yourself?

Like I said before, I'm not crying about it, I can handle it.  Some of the comments were actually funny.  I'm more just saying be careful before you really lay into someone on the other side of the internet, especially if you are a "fan" trying to defend a celebrity (someone you don't know).  I can guarantee that celebrity isn't at home writing thank you cards or sending you tickets in the mail for calling someone a "fucking retard" or a "cunt". Actually Tom, if you are reading this and would like the names of your truly dedicated fans let me know and I will get them to you, I left their names out, because contrary to what a lot of them think I'm not that mean.  It really is best sometimes to not even say anything.  It may seem fun (to some?) because it is the invincible internet, but you just never know.  Have fun and banter, some of the best conversations I have had have come from disagreements and sarcastic back and forth jabs. Talking to someone like that, especially on the internet, doesn't make you intimidating or a badass, it makes you look like a fool that has nothing intelligent to say so you resort to the lowest level.   We are always going to disagree, its part of being human.  Dont let someones opinion ruin your day! Take a deep breath, I promise it will be OK, but maybe think before you type

One Thing I Hate About Having A Daughter

Being a woman is one of the hardest things in the world. I could list a million different reasons why, but what I find is THE hardest is our image. I don't mean the way we come across, I mean flat out the way we look. What color our hair is, how smooth our legs are, what size breasts we have, our shoe size, and of course the most important to everyone....our weight.

I'll never forget the actual day I started worrying about my weight.  I may have told this story before but it's important.  I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. The guy I was dating at the time called and said he wanted to stop by and say hi real quick. Being 15, nothing made me happier than that. He pulled up in the driveway and I hopped in the passenger seat, he gave me a quick peck and then sat back in his seat. Out of nowhere he said (as he poked me in the stomach) "wow, you're putting on a little weight huh? Might need to do something about that." Now I have to say, I was notorious for dating some real douches in high school (yes mom you were right, AGAIN) but I had never really been worried or concerned with my weight until then. I was mortified and humiliated and remember going in the house and immediately getting on the scale. To clarify I was a size 5, an apparently humongous, gross, size 5. I have had a problem with my self esteem and image ever since then. All because ONE insignificant comment was made by ONE person 14 years ago. Something so small stuck with me and has managed to influence the way I see myself. This is terrifying now that I have a daughter.  

When I found out I was having the girl I wanted so badly I was elated. There was nothing that was more exciting to me. I imagined the dressing up, the barbies, the baby dolls, doing her hair and all the fun stuff. What managed to elude my mind was what she will inevitably deal with as she grows. The pressure to be a girl. To wear the right clothes, do her hair the right way, and yes even be the "right" weight. What worries me even more is that no matter how much I tell her she is beautiful, perfect, smart, and amazing she will still most likely at some point see herself the way others let her, I know because my mom tried to tell me the same things. I am 29 and I STILL have image issues, the same ones that started from that asshole in high school. I don't ever want my daughter to feel any less beautiful because of a number on a scale or on a pair of pants. 

The media, Hollywood, actors, singers models you name it always complain about the pressures of the "business", but who gives into the "business"?  They do. When are the ones that reluctantly influence our young girls the most going to take a stand on what beauty really is?  I am going to do every single thing in my power to make sure my daughter knows that no matter what, she is the most beautiful person in the world, but as long as there are teenage boys, magazines, and whatever else telling her what "beauty" is my uplifting words just might get lost, but I refuse to accept that. I refuse to let anyone influence the way she sees herself. My daughter will always know that beauty is on the inside, and only her opinion matters. I hope someday that is a trend that catches on. The big smile she wears everyday, is the same one I want to continue to see for the rest of my life. Love yourself, be yourself, and don't let anyone change the way you feel about yourself in a negative way. We are all beautiful

Parenting Karma...sorry mom

Karma. Its the one thing most of us look forward to when we have been wronged.  While the idea of it is very straight forward there are different forms of it.  There is the cheating karma, when you have been cheated on and cant wait for that no good asshole to experience it himself.  Driving karma, when the car who is far more important than you cuts you off, and all you want to see him hit the next red light, or watch him get cut off by an Oldsmobile being driven by a couple in their 80's on their way to Sunday brunch.  Those are just a few examples, but when you become a parent the ultimate karma against you is brewing, the one your parents have been waiting for...parenting karma.  If I had to try and make a definition of parenting karma it would be:  Remember what you did to your parents?  Well you're about to get it right back, and possibly worse by those little things you have been protecting.


We all remember what we did to our parents growing up.  The tantrums, coloring on the wall, screaming in public, saying "I don't love you anymore", sneaking out, lying, you can fill in your own blanks.  It was devastating to our parents, we hurt them, and even worse we disappointed them.  Oh yeah you remember how much that stung, it was the WORST to hear that.  While our punishments came in the form of no TV, no radio, no car, no boom box (WHAAAAT), no phone (land line people, land line), what our parents were secretly waiting for was for us to have kids so they could secretly chuckle under their breath.  When I found out I was having a girl I specifically remember my mom saying "Haha yes! oh I hope she is JUST like you" and not in a sweet way like I hope she has your beautiful eyes, no it was like oh I cant wait for her to drive you crazy with her teenage attitude.

While I have been dealing with some small cases of parenting karma (9 year old attitude, 5 year old talking back and 3 year old screaming throw myself on the floor tantrums) my small glimpse of what is to come surfaced yesterday.  Let me give a little back story.

When I was a super cool 17 year old senior in high school, my mom got a brand new car.  Right after she got it she went on a trip and wasn't going to take the car with her.  After some begging, promising, reassuring, and begging again she reluctantly agreed to let me take the car to school for one day.  She gave me the mom speech that I half listened to (I was 17 remember) and off she went on her trip.

That morning I checked my mirrors, clicked my seat belt, put in my No Doubt CD, and lit a cigarette ( I WAS 17 REMEMBER? SUPER COOL).  I puffed along down the road, finished it and threw it out the window.  Five second later my left thigh was burning, the cigarette had come back in a landed on my moms brand new seat, putting a nice burn mark, again on her brand new seat.  I started thinking, I was either going to run away and never come back, make up a story, or hide it.  I thought of buying my mom seat covers, but knew she was too smart for that, so I came up with a foolproof story. 
"I know you told me not to, but I picked up a friend that smoked a cigarette in the car and when he threw it out the window in came back in and landed on my seat" sounded legit to me.  She was understandably pissed off, and by no means believed me.  Cant imagine why.  She was so upset because it was this brand new car and I had gone and ruined it, every time she would get in the car she would be reminded of my careless behavior.  I don't think I was ever allowed to drive that car again. 

Yesterday I experienced my first big parenting karma.  I have been telling my 9 year old some for months not to take his bike out next to my car.  He likes to push in the handle grips exposing the metal.  I tell him EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. and he never listens.  Well yesterday he finally scratched the side of my car with his stupid handlebars, not buff out scratches either, deep metal scratches.  I was so mad I couldn't even yell at him.  In the middle of my lecture I realized I was nearly quoting the lecture I got from my mom when I was 17.  It was in that moment that I knew I am so screwed and am going to so get it the older they get.  So Mom, I'm sorry, and karma gods, please have mercy on me.
Lets just hope I never have to experience my daughter projectile vomiting in the back of my car after her bachelorette party, only to find out the bag she was given had a hole in it....again sorry mom

It Was Just Two Stores

I have been waiting for today for a few months. It is Record Store Day and there is a limited edition Metallica cassette tape that I have been wanting to snag for my husband. I called around and most places were sold out, except for one about 20 minutes from my house. My husband works Saturdays and I work graveyard Friday night so I am normally pretty exhausted when I get home and have the house and kids to myself. I have pretty much sworn off venturing out with my children alone because most of the time when we enter public they turn into monsters. Since it was a special day, and I wanted to do something special for my husband I gave it another shot. What a great idea it was.

It took 10 minutes to get out the door, kind of a record. Great start I thought. Everyone got in their seats, got buckled up and away we went. The car ride was pleasant, uneventful, and surprisingly calm. No "he's looking at me!" "I didn't bring the right pal (stuffed animal)!" Or even a "I have to peeeeee nooooow!"  

We get to the record store that has a parking lot full of merchandise. Records, collectibles, and toys. Oh great, old collectible valuable toys. The kids didn't see them so we walked into the record store to get the cassette. The store was about the size of a bedroom MAYBE 10'x10' and FULL of people. Everyone was walking all over each other and the kids decided to start playing hide and go seek, hiding being crates or records and oh you know people. In my nice voice I tried to laugh it off "oh come on guys don't do that". Nothing, just giggling and hiding. "Guuuuuys come on, get over here."  Still nothing, at this point Brody had his face about 6 inches away from some poor guys butt (a fart would have taught him a lesson). Now it was time to increase the tone, using what I call the warning tone. The warning tone is a tone slightly louder than your normal tone but with a little more clenched teeth. "GUYS, that's ENOUGH." My kids know the warning tone. They stopped and we started walking back to the car. Almost made it to the car when my 9

Year old yells to my 5 and 3 year olds "HEYYY TOYS!! LOOK GUYS! TOYS!!" Ugh thanks. I spent the next 15 minutes trying to keep them from touching everything, taking off with something (one might call it stealing) or stepping on stuff. "What can we get?" They ask. "Nothing" I reply. The two youngest start crying in unison and my oldest starts huffing and puffing "how come youuu always get something?" "I never get anything" "this is boring" "why can't I get anything?"  I didn't respond because I was trying to keep from launching into a "why can't you appreciate the things you have" speech. 

We get in the car and I spot a store I had been wanting to stop in. At a red light I turn around and look at my kids. All calm now, sitting quietly again. "Ok I can do this", I say to myself. "You got this Brittany". I pull into a parking spot, take a deep breath and get out. The kids were good all the way to the front of the store where the carts were lined up. I put my 3 year old in the front of the cart and my 5 year old on the big part of the cart. Instantly the crying started. "I wanna sit in the big kid paaaaaart WAAAAAHHHH". I should have just walked back to the car and left, but I put her in the big part of the cart and went inside.

It took about three minutes before the whining started. Being a Saturday it was packed. People were rude and blocking every aisle and it was hard to move around, because of this I had to maneuver close to the clothing racks. That of course was when the grabbing started, like my kids were playing Supermarket Sweep. It didn't matter why it was they were grabbing it and putting it in the cart. "STOP" I said between my very clenched teeth. Nothing. They didn't even take me seriously enough to stop laughing. 

I don't know if you ever stop and listen to children's conversations but I guarantee you that if they are ever going to make something up that is mortifying about you, it will be in public. While looking at the underwear and bras my 5 year old says "ooooo, I bet mommy is looking at that for her booooyfriend" as I'm wearing my wedding ring. Then in unison my 3 and 5 year old start chanting "mommy has a boyfriend, mommy has a boyfriend!"  I look up to an older woman staring at me, "ha ha kids" I say to her. She looks away. "Guys stop, I don't have a boyfriend I'm married to daddy!" I say with a nervous OMG tone. "Then who was the guy that came over while daddy was at work?" Brody (5) says in a teasing tone. "That was the guy to fix the refrigerator silly, you know that." "Noooo mommy has a boyfriend, mommy has a boyfriend!" They start chanting again  The woman looks up again this time with a judgemental look and a raised eyebrow. "It was the repair guy, heh, kids." It really was the friggen repair guy. I'm not sure why I felt the need to explain myself to the stranger but she walked away and probably called me a Hussy under her breath. 

My final straw was when my oldest grabbed a huge pair of granny pantie underwear and asked "is this too small, or just right?" "Seriously?" I asked, "I've had enough lets go."  That of course started the unison crying, "whyyyyyyy, nooooo!"  Now people all around the store were starting to look. I get in line about the same time everyone else in the world also decided to get in line and we start waiting. Like most young potty trained kids when they see a sign for a bathroom in a store they must use it. It's like kids have a secret list of all the bathrooms in the world and need to visit and use them all, no matter what. In the middle of the 18 person line (no joke I counted) Brody spots the bathroom sign. "Umm mommy? I have to use the bathroom." "No you don't Brody." "Yes I dooooo, I really really dooooo" "well you're going to have to hold it, we are too deep in line to get out." But *insert crying and loud wailing* I HA-HAVE TO GOOOOO WAAAAHHHHH I HAVE TO GOOOOOO". "Ok just a sec." "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

I knew I needed a distraction and luckily there were some sand toys right in front of me. I grabbed them "oooooh looooook! You guys needed these! Here you go!" Magically Brody didn't have to pee anymore (told you) and it was quiet again. Those sand toys could have been $100 and I would have bought them at that point. 

We make it to the front and while I'm unloading the cart the little ones start fighting (again). Elle ends up slamming Brody's fingers in the part of the cart where the metal collapses on itself. He of course screams bloody murder, everyone is looking at us, whispering to each other, or both. "THAT WASNT NICE ELLE! SHIT!" I say. "Yeah shit!" Brody says "shit" says Elle. 

Mom of the year right here. Have a great weekend everyone!

 

Pretty much how I felt when I got home

Having A Baby is Giving Birth, No Matter What

While browsing my Facebook this morning I encountered the above picture.  It was attached to a page that I will NOT be promoting. In fact I blanked out their logo as well.
Someone posted it on one of my mom groups, not in favor of it, but obviously out of shock.  At first glace, seeing a picture of a belly with a c-section scar makes me feel empowered.  It is a battle scar, a scar that serves as a reminder to me that I carried and gave life to all of my children through it.  I don't know anyone personally that has ever judged a person by their choice in giving birth.  Some people like to give birth in tubs, some at home, some outside (have you seen that new show?), some in a hospital, some with drugs, some without, etc.  Every woman has an ideal scenario of how they want to bring their children into the world, but sometimes it just isn't in the cards.  Sometimes things happen that are out of our control.

I was in labor with my first son for 16 hours, fully dilated, when he went into distress.  His heart rate dropped all the way to the 40's every time I tried to push.  The doctors really did try everything.  Different positions, clamps, suction, you name it, but at one point his heart rate wasn't recovering after I pushed.  It was at that time that I had an emergency c-section, so much of an emergency that I didn't have a chance to get the proper amount of drugs to numb the lower half of my body.  I remember the doctor pressing the scalpel on my thigh and asking if I could feel it, I replied with "yes" to which he replied "we don't have time, he needs to come out NOW" and with that I felt my stomach being cut open.  I remember feeling like I was outside of my body, I could hear myself scream in a way I had never heard before.  The staff was trying to calm me down, pushing meds into my IV.  I felt them plop my newborn in between my legs, I remember it being warm, and then I finally went numb, just in time to be sewn and stapled back together.  It was an experience unlike any other, and I for sure did not choose it.  However, it was necessary to save my son.

So I would like someone to tell me how I "got lucky" in having a c-section.  If that's luck then I'm not interested.  The bottom line is no matter how it is done, giving birth is a beautiful and special thing.  Not everyone has the opportunity either, so people should really watch their words.  One day women will stop judging and competing with each other and support and empower one another.  I look forward to that day.

In the meantime I say this, bringing a baby (or babies) into this world is a beautiful thing, and no one should ever be judged for the way they choose (or don't choose) to do so.  Be proud of your achievement, your body, your stretch marks, your scars, and so on.  I know I am

Last First Moments

My daughter just had her 3rd birthday and the range of emotions I have been dealing with are insane.  There are times that I can't wait for her to grow up more (mostly out of the terrible 3's), and then other times I just want to freeze her in time.  Its a feeling that I had mildly with my boys, but it is worse this time because my daughter is my last baby.

Its really weird as a woman what goes through your head when you decide you are done having children.  In my case it wasn't really MY decision, it was more my body's decision.  I just had too many problems while pregnant to even entertain the idea of another baby.  I'm not even saying that I would have had anymore, but because the option for me isn't there, it made it that much harder.

I try not to spoil my daughter, but I admit she gets away with a lot...mostly everything.  She always gets an extra cookie because of the way she says "pretty pweeeese?", we rarely leave a store without SOMETHING "special", and she sneaks in our bed at night.  While it sucks and my husband and I wake up with sore backs (or her foot in his mouth, true story) I keep telling myself that I am never going to experience this age again.  I'm never going to have a little 3 year old whispering "Mommy, can I cuddle with you?" at 2AM again.  On top of that it is all going so fast.  I cant stand it, well most days, some days I'll be honest I wish she was an adult and out of the house.

I'm sure most women go through this eventually.  I mean at some point we stop having children (yes, even the Duggars).  Even if you are totally happy and comfortable with your decision to be done, a little piece of you melts when you see a tiny baby, or a pregnant woman and realize that wont be you again.  I had my kids young too, so a lot of my friends are just starting to have kids which ALSO doesn't help.  It really is like closing a huge chapter in your life.  When my doctor told me it wouldn't be wise and potentially dangerous to have anymore I broke down.  Like I said before, I wasn't necessarily planning on having anymore kids, but someone was telling me I couldn't, and anyone that knows me knows I am not very good with being told I cant do something.  I cried driving my husband to his vasectomy, I cried on the way home, the rest of the day, and off and on for months.  I felt like my body was officially worthless and useless.  My body was no longer going to do what it was built to do.  Yes I am lucky, I have 3 beautiful children, I know that and I'm not saying that any woman that cant have kids is less of a woman, this was just my personal feeling about myself.  In fact I tried to remind myself how lucky I was to have three beautiful healthy children, but my heart was still broken.

Every first milestone my daughter made, turned me into a slobbering blubbering mess.  To me they weren't firsts, they were lasts.  Last first moments, make sense?  Every stage so far has been as heartbreaking as the first.  Getting rid of her infant car seat, bottles, onesies, putting away her highchair, even buying her underwear (OK that was a little easier, so close to no more diapers).  While singing Happy Birthday to her recently, I got choked up.  My eyes welled up but I kept it together, and didn't let anyone see.  My last baby isn't such a baby anymore.  All I can do is helplessly try to embrace the good and even bad days, and soak up what is left of my kids being little.

Why you should always have coffee FIRST

It really frightens me when the day has already been eventful enough to write about.  It has been one of those mornings for sure.

I was about to run out of the door with my three children to get my oldest to school when he says "Ugh I have sand in my shoe" (from the park yesterday)
"OK just go ahead and dump it in-"
*sound of sand pouring out*
"What are you doing??"
"Dumping the sand in there"
"In the FLOOR VENT??"
"Yeah"
"WHY??"
"No one said I couldn't"
"I don't tell you on a daily basis you cant jump off a cliff but you know better than that right?"
"Well yeah, THAT I know"

In his defense we do live in a mansion where the trash can is an astounding 10 feet away from the scene of the crime.
Yeah awesome, maybe next time I have to turn on the heater I will close all the other vents and open his so all that sand goes flying into his room, then he might understand why he "cant" do that again.

OK fine whatever, into the car we go.

Driving down the street and a full size white Toyota Tundra 4X4 covered in a "graphix" company decal keeps drifting into my lane, enough to almost hit me twice.  Drunk driver, I wonder?  I finally get enough room to get ahead of her, and take the opportunity.  As I am passing her I see that a brunette woman has both hand OFF of the steering wheel so she can text or play on her phone or whatever.  She never looked up, and shortly after I saw her she proceeded to blow through an intersection on a red light (no accident thankfully).

Look I understand texting and driving or playing on your phone and driving, I really do.  I understand that there isn't an option on these so called "phones" to actually call people anymore, and that technology hasn't advanced enough to where you can talk to people through your speakers in your car.  I understand that if you don't update your Facebook status right away people wont think you are relevant anymore.  Most importantly I know that no one person is more important than sending out that text or updating your Facebook.  Just remember that when you end up killing someone, they don't have the internet in prison.  So if you don't care that you can kill someone with your car, just remember NO INTERNET *GASP* yeah I have your attention now huh?

Finally we make it back home, alive thankfully. 
Time to take the dog out
We walk to the "potty patch" and Rocko does his business that I promptly pick up and throw away.  While walking back to the house from the potty patch, Rocko decides he is not done.  To the side of the street he hunches over and pops out the tiniest piece of poop I have ever seen.  "Seriously?" I asked him.  I realize I am out of bags and start walking back to the potty patch to get a bag to pick up after him. 
I see a guy throw his truck in reverse as I start to walk TOWARDS the potty patch
"Ummm excuuuuuuse meee! Are you going to pick that up?"
No asshole, I'm not going to pick it up with my bare hands, although the thought did cross my mind to pick up this little piece of poop and throw it into his open window.
"Can I get a fucking bag first? Mind your own business!"
He drove away.
I'm going to find out where he lives and put a full bag of poop under his tire one day so that he will back up and not only will it be stuck all over his tire, but it will also explode onto his driveway.

"Geez Brittany, calm down!" you are thinking, I can hear you.

Just keep in mind that this all happened BEFORE I had my first cup of coffee. Yeah makes sense now doesn't it?

My kids said "Mommy" 67 times yesterday

There always seems to be a competition among mothers that stay home versus moms that go to work.  Who does more, whats harder, whats better for the kids, blah blah blah.  This isn't about that, this is for the people who wonder just what stay at home moms do (when we aren't watching soaps and vegging out on the couch....of course).

I tell my husband every day that i swear I hear "mommy" over 100 times a day, and also feel that I repeat myself constantly.  I am also bombarded with strange questions that I'm not even sure how to answer, on top of multiple daily meltdowns.  I thought it would be interesting to see just how often my kids said the same thing, how often I said the same thing, and just what my day is really like, so I kept a log.  I didn't log the happy stuff, because, well that's just not as fun!

While I'm not going to sit here and write about every minute of my day, I thought the results of my log would be enjoyable to others, so here you go. 

Between my 3 kids the amount of times they said the following:

"Mommy":67
"Can we have a snack?: 15
"I'm thirsty": 7
"I want chocolate": 4
"I don't want that snack": 4 (see above for answer)
"I need help": 11
"NO! I GOT IT!": 6
"I'm trying!": 5
"What are we having for lunch?":4
"When are we having lunch?": 4
"When are we having dinner?": 5
"Whats for dinner?: 7
"Stop it!": 13
"Mine!": 15
"I don't want to share!": 11
"Gimme that!": 6
"I don't want to!": 6

I was also asked if the rain is the way people who live in the forest shower, and if I have ever heard of a singer named Weird Owl


Now this is the number of times I said the following:

"What/Yeah?": 67
"Don't touch the tree!":17
"Will you stop?": 10
"Enough": 7
"Stop": 14
"No": 22
"Be Nice": 14
"Guys please I'm on the phone": 4
"Stop screaming": 16
"Share": 11
"I said share": 11
"Don't go in my room": 3
"Get out of my room": 3
"Its not lunch time": 4
"Don't stand on that":3
"Pick up the Legos": 7
"I said pick up the Legos": 7
"Sit down": 13
"Don't run": 8
"Leave him alone": 6
"Leave her alone": 9
"Don't touch that": 8
"Get that out of your mouth": 5



Oh and there were also a total of 4 throw myself on the ground, slam my door, "Its not fair", screaming, crying tantrums.

5 if you count me

So if anyone ever asks you what you do all day, you can share this or keep your own log and watch their reaction

                      

My kid got addicted to meth from the Breaking Bad action figures...said no parent ever

We all heard not too long ago about Breaking Bad action figures making it on to Toys R Us shelves. Shortly after we also heard about one Florida mother that was so disgraced about it, she started a petition (and received a whopping 9,000 signatures) to get them removed. I get it, the show was about a drug dealer and the action figure does come with a bag of money and a fake baggie of meth, BUT this was never advertised towards children, and its not like the show was on the Disney Channel. Instead of starting a petition wouldn't it just be easier to NOT buy it for your kid? Do people realize that it's not just kids that but action figures?  I mean I'm 29 years old and I just bought a Rick Grimes action figure. I thought it was funny how appalled this woman was. Think of all the other things they sell at Toys R Us. Violent video games, fake weapons, barbie dolls (that promotes an oh so great body image), and the list goes on. This isn't about the toys out there though.  This is about the parents and the people who need to stop complaining just to complain.  

If you sit back and try to rationalize this just for a second, you will really see how ridiculous it all is.  Lets think about why this Florida mom was upset.  Was she upset about the figure being sold because of the content of the show, because of what the figure came with, or both?  OK so all we really know is that she didn't like it being sold at a toy store.  The "toys" in question were obviously targeted at the fans of the show and not kids.  My questions is did her kid(s) point it out and say "Hey! That's Heisenberg!" or "Hey! That's Pinkman!" yeah I doubt it but there is the possibility that a kid could grab it run to their mom and say "mommy can I get this?  pleeeease? pleeeeease?"  Now brace yourselves because I'm about to share with you one of my biggest secrets as a mother myself.  If your child asks for something that you feel is inappropriate, or something you don't agree with, just say this magical word.  Ready?  NO.  That's right!  You being the parent gives you the right to keep your kids from anything you feel is bad or wrong.  Isn't it crazy?  Need examples?

"Mom, can we get a Happy Meal tonight?"
"NO"
"Mom, can we get a puppy?"
"NO"
"Mom, can we live at Disneyland?"
"NO"

Oh and hey it works for Dads too! Need examples?

"Dad, can I kick my ball by your car?"
"NO"
"Dad, can I change the channel?"
"NO"
"Dad, can I have candy before breakfast?"
"NO" (well you're supposed to say no)

It works for "toys" too

"Mom, Dad, can I get this action figure with fake meth and a dufflebag of cash?"  Ready?
"NO!"

Now, maybe there is a legitimate reason this mom and 8,999 other people were so worried about this action figure.  I mean, we should really look into the amount of kids that have turned into meth heads because they got their hands on a Breaking Bad action figure.  Oh that's right, it probably doesn't exist.  I would say this is about as dangerous to our youth as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figure that shoots steaming hot pizza.  Why isn't anyone worried about kids grabbing steaming hot pizzas and throwing them at people?  That could cause third degree burns!  Have you ever burned the roof of your mouth from pizza?  Now imagine that all over your face.  You may laugh, but that would be way more realistic than your kid becoming addicted to meth because of an action figure they saw at Toys R Us.  At the end of the day all that Florida mom did was make these incredibly more sought after, more intriguing, and not to mention skyrocket in value.  I know I loved the show, but I hadn't even heard of them until this mom cried about it (now I have two, thanks!).  Surely there is more going on in this world than the non effect this will have on our children. So please lets go back to worrying about REAL issues affecting our kids like starving children, childhood cancer, child abuse, and the releases of "rehabilitated" sex offenders. 

I should really watch my mouth around my children

What is it about children and their memory?

It is a typical day after school, the kids are fighting, asking for snacks, and complaining that they cant watch T.V.  This is an everyday occurrence.  The same thing, with the same results, every.single.day.  In addition to that is the questions that pop out of nowhere, most of the time thanks to my 9 year old.  This is how it goes:

Son: When am I going to get my retainer?
Me: What are you talking about? (As I'm struggling to get the younger kids in the house)
S: When am I going to get my retainer?  You said I was
M: When did I say that?
S: A few months ago

Here is another example from a recent conversation:

S: Am I going to get a Happy Meal today?
M: NO! Why would I buy you a Happy Meal?
S: You said I could get one
M: When did I say you could get one?
S: You said if I could get 100% on my first 2 spelling tests I could get a Happy Meal
M: No I didn't say that
S: Yes you did!
M: WHEN
S: Before school started

My 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter have also followed suit, I'll translate:

Son: When are we going to Gavin's house?
Daughter: Yeah we go Gavin house
Me: I don't know
S: (already crying) you said we were going to go!!
M: No I didn't!
S: YES YOU DID! You said we were going to go on Tuesday
D: (now crying as well) I want to go see Fifa!!
M: When did I say we were going to go on Tuesday
S: last week
D: I WANT TO SEE FIFA!!



I am constantly confused by my children.  How in the world do they remember this stuff?  Sometimes I wonder if I really say these things, or if they are just messing with me because I can't remember what I did yesterday.  Am I that forgetful when it comes to these things?  Is it a mom thing?  I know a lot of times when the kids start bugging me over and over about something I say "yeah, sure" just to get them to stop, but I'm not really expecting them to remember!  It seems just like us parents have selective hearing, children also have selective memory.  This is why I should no longer talk to my children when I am in the middle of something OR before I have had my coffee.


These are a list of things I wish they WOULD remember:

• Closing the door when they use the bathroom
• Putting the seat up
• Putting the seat DOWN
• Peeing IN the toilet
• Being quieter when I pick up the phone not louder
• Putting their dishes in the sink
• Not bringing food in their room
• Knocking before coming into my room
• Letting me use the bathroom alone
• Stop pulling the cats tail
• Don't throw things
• Don't throw things at each other
• No T.V. until homework is done
• I have to get everyone in the door before we can talk about snacks
• Mommy is mean before coffee

Did I miss anything?

I'm a better parent than you

Ever get the feeling when you are talking to another parent that they are doing nothing but trying to outdo you or your child?

You: Timmy just counted to 10 yesterday!

Other parent: Oh that's great! Johnny can count up to 20 now....

You: Timmy got student of the month!

Other parent: Johnny has gotten it twice already this year

You get the point, and yes we all know someone that has done it.  You have maybe done it too either intentionally or unintentionally.  It seems that there is such a competition these days to be the best, and make sure that everyone knows it.  Everyone thinks they are the best parent in the world based on the decisions they make, and that's true, to a degree.  You ARE the best parent to YOUR child.  No one can raise your children better than you.  One of the many things I have learned from having children is that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, it just doesn't exist, but you need to trust that the decisions you are making are the best ones for you.  You also need to remember that what may work for you may not work for everyone else, because that is what can make you too opinionated for even your closest friends.  Here are the things we need to stop imposing our personal opinions on other parents (unless they ask for advice).

1.  Breastfeeding

I am a huge breastfeeding advocate.  I think it is healthy, beneficial, and of course free.  It was my choice, but that doesn't mean you are wrong if you choose not to.  Like all of the topics I will cover this one gets people crazy.  I have actually seen people attack others for choosing to formula feed instead of breastfeed.  Saying things like "selfish" "you don't care about the health of your baby" or even "formula is poison! you are feeding your baby poison!!".  Seriously?  How a woman decides to feed her baby is entirely HER decision, it is a decision she has thought long and hard about and has come to the conclusion that is best for HER.  No one has any right to tell a new mom how she should feed her baby, or question the first major decision she has made regarding her baby.  You can be pro breastfeeding without making others feel like crap.  So unless an opinion is asked of you, keep your negativity to yourself (and your possibly insane comments)

2.  Vaccinations

Oh man this is a crazy one.  Within the last 10 years more and more parents are choosing not to vaccinate their children due to the fear of Autism and the level of mercury used to preserve the vaccines.  Parents with Autism swear that vaccinations are to blame, which started a panic.  Now I don't know one way or another, but I would never discredit or attack a person whose views may differ from mine.   One of the people most seem to "blame" is Jenny McCarthy (who I love).  Sure she has been the most outspoken celebrity against vaccines, but so what?  Who is anyone to judge the way she decides to take care of HER child?  I saw it first hand the other day when I responded to a tweet she had written.  She posted a funny picture and under the comments one guy started laying into her saying how she is responsible for killing children, diseases coming back, and called her a "fucking moron" among other things.  The first thing that popped in my head was why the hell does this guy follow someone he hates?  The second is this person has no business attacking the way she parents.  Choosing to vaccinate or not vaccinate YOUR child should be based on YOUR research.  It is ridiculous to "single out" (ha ha see what I did there? huh? huh?) one person based on their beliefs.  Its not like she is the only one to speak out against vaccinations.  It is OK to disagree, but you don't need to be an ass about it.

3. Car Seats

One thing as parents we can all agree on is wanting to keep our children as safe as possible.  One of the best defenses in doing so, are car seats.  Now when my mom was a baby, they didn't have car seats, my car seat was like a bucket with straps, and even my sister had one of those with the huge bar across the front.  Now there are car seats with airbags, I'm not kidding, because I own two of them.  When I had my first son 8 1/2 years ago you were supposed to rear face the car seat for at least one year.  Same when I had my second son 4 years ago.  Now it is recommended to rear face for at least 2 years, but they say to do it as long as possible.  My daughter just turned 2 this month and on her birthday I turned her forward.  It was my own educated decision that I am comfortable with.  There are many out there who DO NOT agree with that, and its fine, but to be honest I am tired of seeing these horribly anger and profanity laced "debates" about it.  Much like the breastfeeding debate, people get nuts when you don't see things their way.  If you want to educate people fine, but don't attack them when they post a picture of their child in the backseat and it isn't to your liking.  It isn't any of your business.  Hopefully that parent has done their research and picked what they felt was best for their child.  I can tell you right now your opinionated passive-aggressive comment, or  comment posted with a "car seat safety link" will never go over well.  So just don't.

4.  Homeschooling

We all want our children to be educated, as smart as possible.  Homeschooling is something that has always been around, but has really picked up steam in the past few years.  With things like online classes, and even Skype, it is easier than ever.  Some parents choose to home school because of the violence in schools, or because their child is a slower or faster learner, or just because they don't trust their specific school district.  Whatever the reason may be they made the decision for a reason.  The cliche about home schooled children being isolated is unfortunate as homeschooling has come a long way.  When some people hear "We decided to start homeschooling Timmy" they really hear "We want Timmy to become anti-social and grow up to be a serial killer"  It is pretty sad but the reality of what certain people think.  Home schooled children still participate in school events, and even have field trips and social events.  It is not as isolated as so many still think, and I suggest you do your homework if you are going to try and tell a parent they are going to turn their kid into a serial killer. 

5.  Milestones

Never ever EVER compare your child to another, it will either make you look like a douche, or have you so panicked you will develop carpel tunnel from googling.  Just because Johnny is crawling at 4 months and Timmy isn't doesn't mean his motor skills are bad.  If Johnny starts talking before Timmy it doesn't mean Timmy has a speech problem.  If Johnny gets teeth before Timmy, it doesn't mean Timmy is going to need baby dentures, so calm down.  Every child hits different milestones at different times.  The books you see on the shelves are only there as guides to project when you may expect your child to his a certain milestone.  Try to keep the comparisons to a minimum, especially if your baby is ahead of everyone else.  No one likes a bragger, or a one-upper.  Sometimes it is better to just listen to the other person without interjecting about your kid.

All I'm saying with this is we need to be respectful of others, and their choices.  We will never agree on everything, because that just isn't how the world works.  If that were the case the word "war" wouldn't exist.  It is fine to be opinionated, but make sure that you aren't being overbearing, or lecturing others who don't want to hear it.  Like I said before, you DO know everything, and you ARE the smartest, most loving and educated parent, but only to your children.  Try and keep that in mind next time you want to lay into someone who doesn't see things the same way you do.