How Lemonade Proves Beyonce is Shady AND Incredibly Smart

      Before you watch Lemonade, there should have been a disclaimer at the beginning.  "Warning: This mind blowing event will send you on a roller coaster of emotions.  Don't watch without someone to discuss with during and after."  I would have very much appreciated that before watching it by myself at 2am.  Beyonce is not new to us, we know how she operates, and we also know almost everything she touches turns to gold.
   
       Most of us met Beyonce as part of Destinys Child.  I know I did, and if you didn't well then I just dated myself.  I wasn't an obsessive Destinys Child fan (*NSYNC was out at the same time duh) but I was a fan.  I knew all the words to all the songs and saw most of their video premieres on TRL (again, dating myself).  Beyonce was always the breakout star, and we all knew she would go on to be incredibly successful.  I don't think we knew just to what extent she would take her stardom to.

    I could go on and on about her success, her singles, her albums and all things Beyonce but I'm just going to jump right into Lemonade, because that's all that really comes to mind when you think of her right now.  A lot of people will probably disagree with my opinion of Lemonade, but then again I really disagree with most other peoples opinion of it.  Lemonade is really a roller coaster of infidelity, female empowerment, self discovery, anger, and forgiveness.  It opens up with Beyonce insinuating that Jay-Z is a dirty cheater who has been coming home at 3am reeking of other women.  Then Beyonce runs around smashing everything in town with a baseball bat (who doesn't want to do that??).  After that we get crazy gansta Beyonce, then a softer Beyonce, then her and Jay-Z are cuddling on a bed, then WAIT....WHAT?  Yeah that's when the mind blowing started.

     Look, I've never been the biggest Beyonce fan.  I like some of her songs and I think she is a smart talented woman, but do I own all of her albums? No.  When I started watching Lemonade my heart sank for her.  I was so sad for her and felt for her.  Her voice sounded so wounded and hurt that you couldn't help but feel for her.  When she started smashing things up and going gangsta I was like "Yeah you get it girl, show that asshole!!"  By the time we got to her and Jay-Z snuggling on the bed and him caressing her feet, I was already so emotionally involved that I blurted out "What the fuck?"  I was so confused, especially since the rest of the thing is almost a big love fest ending with wedding footage and rolling around on the turf at the Superdome.  When it was all said and done I realized that I had just been willingly taken on a ride through one of the biggest marketing ploys I had ever seen.  Here's why:

  1.  I didn't realize it was all a sham right away, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made.  First of all, why would you go and tell the entire world that your husband cheated on you and then in almost the same sentence say oh well its OK because we are working on it?  Could you imagine someone you know making a Facebook post like that?

"I am so sad to be writing this but we wanted everyone to know.  Steve cheated on me with God knows how many women, for God knows how long.  I'm mad, depressed, angry, and hurt.  My world crumbled around me and it all felt like a slap in the face.  BUT don't be mad or think anything of it because we worked on it and are going to stay together!" Seriously could you imagine?  It makes no sense for a normal person to do it, let a lone a celebrity.  Which brings me to my next point.

2.   Are you really trying to tell me that one of the most notoriously private couples just decided to tell everyone their deepest darkest secret?  There are private celebrity couples, and then there are Jay-Z and Beyonce.  They wouldn't even admit they were married for the longest time and we didn't see a picture of it until years later, but yeah they want us to know he cheated.

3.  Lets say he did cheat and for whatever reason Jay-Z agreed to air their dirty laundry.  Am I supposed to believe he then agreed to be in the video documentary that chronicles his infidelity?  Come on people.

4.  Becky?  What did he cheat on her in the 90s?  I know its not the real name of the supposed side chick but that was the best she could do?


5.  Tidal has been struggling.  Its doing OK but it sure isn't doing what they thought it would.  Kanye's latest album debacle didn't help either.  His sales were so poor on Tidal that he had to release it on other platforms.  I am aware that Lemonade was probably done sometimes ago, but its no secret that it has improved Tidals subscriptions by a very large margin.  Since Lemonade was announced Tidal is now the number one downloaded app.

Those are my reasons for believing the entire thing is a marketing ploy and I don't buy it, literally and figuratively.  The fact that both her and Jay-Z have been radio silent regarding it proves they pulled it all off without a hitch.  Everyone is talking about it, Tidal subscriptions are surging, and they are laughing all the way to the bank.  They will come out eventually and say how it was all fiction, and how the story "wasn't about them" and then everyone will feel exactly the way I do right now...duped.  However, is it her fault?  Nope.  She knows her audience and her NON audience.  She just might be the smartest artist I have ever seen, and I give credit where credit is due.  Like I said, I have never been a huge fan, yet I had to watch it, listen to it, and friggen write about it.

 Beyonce-1 Brittany-0

10 things we need to stop doing on Facebook

There was a time that Facebook was fun.  Finding old friends and catching up, keeping in touch with family members that live far away, and countless other reasons.  I'm not sure how we went from that easy go lucky idea to what it is today.  While I still enjoy logging on everyday (OK all day) I find myself rolling my eyes a lot more lately, because some things have gotten out of control. We are all guilty of at least one of the things, or in my case multiple things, but you know what they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem so there you go.  Here are the top 10 things that need to stop, in no particular order.

1. Vaguebooking

I put this one first because it is MY biggest Facebook pet peeve. We all need a little extra attention every now and then, but Vaguebooking is just downright annoying.  You can always tell when someone is feeling a little left out of the cyber world when they post things like
"Ugh"
":("
"I'm sad"
"Why me?"

Well you get it.  There is nothing wrong with posting those things but when you start getting responses asking whats wrong (which is exactly what you want) and then respond to no one, it is obvious you just want to make sure people are paying attention to you.  You may be able to get away with that once in a while, but when you start doing it on a normal basis people will stop paying attention to you.  People will not even ask whats wrong anymore, because you have proven time and time again that you have no intention telling everyone just what the hell is wrong.  Whether you like to admit it or not, we are all nosy and hate when we get sucked in with no payoff.  That is a major Facebook turn-off.  Which brings me to my next thing.

2. Airing Your Dirty Laundry

I like some drama and gossip just as much as the other person, but somethings really should remain private, no matter how entertaining it may be for us.  This is most important when it refers to a couple.  Remember, when you are mad and post something horrible your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/lover or whatever did its hard to take it back.  Even if you delete it, chances are a majority of your friends have already seen it and will not be able to delete it from their memory.  This is especially important for couples with mutual friends. or couples where the other person doesn't have a Facebook and has no idea you are spewing your private stuff all over.  You may need to vent, and that's fine but when you share it with everyone you have just asked for more trouble.  If you have mutual friends someone WILL tell the other person and your mini venting session went from what you thought was something innocent to something on a much higher level.  Surely if you have 100+ Facebook friends you are close enough with someone you can text, call, email, or even IM (remember that?) right?  A temporary lapse in judgment is one thing when you write a rant but if it continues, you will most likely stop getting sympathy and start getting more eye rolls, and be prepared for someone to call you out on it.  The whole "I can write what I want its my page" thing only goes so far before people start hiding your feeds, or even deleting you.

3.  Posting Too Many Pictures of Your Kids or Pets (or both) in a day

Yes your kids are adorable, yes your pet is too, but don't over do it.  As parents we think every single expression, outfit, haircut, and sleeping position are adorable, and they are, but posting all of those things in one day is overkill (albums excluded).  No one will ever love your children the way you do, and the same goes for loving every picture you take.  I am 100% guilty of this.  It isn't an attention thing, you just want everyone to see how awesome your kid or pet is, but the truth is only a select few will really care after the 4th or 5th picture of the day, after that most will just scroll right past you.  Doing this every once in a while is one thing, then there are a select few that do it on a daily basis, posting nearly the exact same pictures every day.  Feel free to share but try to keep it to a minimum, or get on Instagram.  Oh and if you don't have kids and swear you will never be one of those parents, at some point you will. 

4.  Pictures of Disgusting Things

This is pretty self explanatory.  No one wants to see the massive poop your kid took, the projectile vomit, or the aftermath of a long drunk night out.  You may think its hilarious and interesting but the rest of us are cringing and unsuccessfully trying to get the image out of our heads.  You may even think its pretty cool your kid used the potty for the first time, and it is, feel free to tell us, but we don't need a visual.

5.  The Daily Selfie

We all know someone who loves themselves so much that they have to share a new picture with us every.single.day. sometimes multiple times a day.
"Going to the club!"
"Going to dinner!"
"Going to work!"
"Going to the bathroom!"

Its great that you have such high self esteem, and we like seeing new pictures of you, but unless you got plastic surgery, you look exactly the same as you did yesterday, thanks for reminding us.

6. Food--Instagram yes, Facebook no

As much as I was hoping this was a short lived trend, it is still going strong.  Nobody needs a daily picture of what you are eating.  If you are really REALLY proud of it then lets see it, but a PB&J? Yeah that's not newsworthy.  Save the food pictures for something special, like something you worked your ass off all day making, something unique, or even a Pinterest success (or fail, those are fun too).  In-N-Out is obviously an exception to this, but not if you eat it everyday.  And don't you dare post a picture on my news feed of plain old boring In-N-Out fries, those better be Animal Style or you'll hear about it from me.

7.  #hashtagging

#we #need #to #stop #talking #like #this #about #everything.  Also 100% guilty of this.  Hash tagging started off on Twitter for a reason.  Sometimes it can be hard to fit all of your thoughts in 140 characters, and on Twitter it is a way to see what other people are saying about the same thing you are talking about, but Facebook doesn't work like that.  It is understandable if you are cross posting from Instagram or Twitter, but if not then just say what you need to say, you have plenty of room!

8. Compulsive Woe is Me Posts

Everyone has bad days, there is no argument there, but attention seeking daily posts about how bad your life is is annoying.

"FML"
"My life sucks"
"When will I have a good day?"
"Why do things keep happening to me?"
Etc.

If you are posting like that on a daily basis you either are in need of some serious help (no sarcasm there) or you need to change what you are doing.  Unlike #1, this is the person who is constantly being shit on and doing nothing about it but feeling sorry for themselves and wanting everyone and their mother to know about it every day.  Nobody likes a constant Debbie Downer and with each post your sympathy level goes down.  The days will be numbered that people comment with "whats wrong?" "everything OK?" or "I'm sorry :(".  Eventually people will just be thinking "Shut up already!"

9.  Facebragging

Got a new car? I want to see. Met a celebrity? I want to see that too.  Wads of cash? Um yeah no thanks.  Fifth super expensive unnecessary new toy this week? No thanks I'll pass on that too.  There is a fine line between sharing things with people and bragging about them.  We all like to make people envious of us sometimes, but if you overdo it, they will just start thinking you are a douchebag.  Yes we all want nice things, and its cool when we get something we have saved for, or got for Christmas or whatever, but if you just have cash coming out of your ass and cant stop talking about it, we will stop being excited for you, and roll our eyes as fast as we scroll past you.

10.  Asking for Money

Why people do this I will never understand.  It takes a real ballsy person to ask people for money on Facebook for whatever it may be.  Charity, school donations, and stuff like that are different, but just for you?  Are you kidding me?  This sometimes can tie into #8.  Not always do people come right out and ask for money but they imply that they really need it.  Writing their sob story (or stories) in hopes it will appeal enough to garner donations.  Its tacky, and if you are hurting for money that bad contact someone privately that may be able to help you. don't post it all over the damn place.  The only time I have ever done this is in a joking manner like "Hey who wants to lend me $20,000 for a car?" or "Hey my birthday is coming up who wants to buy me an iPad?"  am I really asking for it?  Obviously not, its a joke, jokes are funny, pity is not.