Seriously Internet?

I am a huge football fan.  At times I am too big of a football fan.  Family and friends make fun of me when they see me watch a game due to my swearing, jumping, screaming, cries of agony, and so forth.  I like to talk trash to the TV and joke with friends of mine that root for teams I despise, its all in good fun and they know that.  Sometimes I like to read stories online and check out the comments, for the most part they are filled with fun banter, dirty jokes, and excellent comebacks.  Occasionally, I will see some people get into it, but it typically doesnt last more than a few comments back and forth.

I wont lie, if I had to pick one team that I despise more than any other team, its the Patriots.  I don't need to get into why, that's a story for another day.  This doesn't sit well with most of their fans, why? I have no idea.  Yeah my team is the Rams (save it, I know they aren't good and haven't been for a while), and yeah the Patriots beat us in the Super Bowl.  If you know me I have probably baited you into my Rams VS. Patriots Super Bowl speech, if you haven't heard it I'm sure someone knows it by heart.

Before I go any further I need to explain the purpose of this post.  This isn't about me crying, or not being able to take it.  This isn't about sympathy and this isn't about every single fan out there.  This is really about how far people think they can go when disagreeing with someone.  The protection of being in their home, for whatever reason, makes some people think they are invincible.  I think in a moment some forget that we are actually talking to another person on the other side of that invisible wall.  This was a snippet of what happened today, over the span of a few hours.

Some story pops up on my new feed about Tom Brady saying "everyone fucking hates us, lets win it all next year" after getting booed at the Super Bowl.  I made this comment "Soooooo he hasn't been trying to win every other season? This shows what an idiot he is".  Thats it, yes I'm guilty, I called Tom Brady an idiot.  These were some of the responses:

You had shown how stupid you are 

You're fucking retarded

Attention Whores doing what Attention Whores do best

Brittany you really are retarded. Saying I have forgot more about football implies that my information I forget cause I know so much exceeds your small peanut brain. Not talking about the stuff I know.

 I'm tearing into this bitch

I love when women try and act like they know something about football.....it's called motivation....

 You're a cunt Brittany I bet you can't even make a sammich

Why are people like you allowed to reproduce is beyond me, Brittany

Remember, I didn't threaten to kill his family, wish him ill will, beg for something bad to happen to him, or even swear.  I called him an idiot.  I've called a lot of people idiots before. You have called people idiots before (and worse).  I started off replying sarcastically thanking people for their comments, but it really just got worse.  It made me wonder just why someone would get so incredibly offended by someone making such a small comment.  If you can believe it, there were worse ones than above.  It is a perfect example of people that can't distinguish fantasy from reality.  If someone says something you see as mean about a celebrity you adore go ahead and shake your head then move along.  I love Gwen Stefani and No Doubt, I see lots of nasty things written about both of them daily, do I sit around and defend their honor? Uh, no they are adults and I'm pretty sure they don't care what people have to say, they are too busy with their nice houses, cars, vacations, etc.  I love the Rams, do I sit around and defend them against every person that says they suck by telling them I hope their mother dies? No because that's something psycho, but people do it.  Would I call Brady an idiot to his face for sending that text? Yeah I would, it was an idiotic thing to say, almost implying that you only really want to win it all next year because everyone hates the team (but I'm pretty sure they were booing just him).  Isn't that kind of the goal in the NFL for every team? To win the Super Bowl? Yeah exactly

How do all of these people know I'm not some cyber terrorist with a fake profile that could ruin their life with a simple click of the mouse? Or that I'm not some psycho killer?  Did I expect some backlash? Kind of, I assumed someone would tell me to shut up, or my favorite "get back in the kitchen" (which I did get a lot of this one being my favorite actually, very creative)

Was it nice of me to call Brady an idiot? No it probably wasn't. Was it really that horrible to warrant the response? Not even a little.  I don't even worry about me and how I handle it, I worry about my kids getting on the internet soon and encountering things like this.  I cant imagine being a kid and reading things like that being said about me.  It honestly opened my eyes to what is possible out there, and why some kids (and even adults) cant handle it.  People have killed themselves over things like this.  Would you really want to be responsible for something like that because you just couldn't help yourself?

Like I said before, I'm not crying about it, I can handle it.  Some of the comments were actually funny.  I'm more just saying be careful before you really lay into someone on the other side of the internet, especially if you are a "fan" trying to defend a celebrity (someone you don't know).  I can guarantee that celebrity isn't at home writing thank you cards or sending you tickets in the mail for calling someone a "fucking retard" or a "cunt". Actually Tom, if you are reading this and would like the names of your truly dedicated fans let me know and I will get them to you, I left their names out, because contrary to what a lot of them think I'm not that mean.  It really is best sometimes to not even say anything.  It may seem fun (to some?) because it is the invincible internet, but you just never know.  Have fun and banter, some of the best conversations I have had have come from disagreements and sarcastic back and forth jabs. Talking to someone like that, especially on the internet, doesn't make you intimidating or a badass, it makes you look like a fool that has nothing intelligent to say so you resort to the lowest level.   We are always going to disagree, its part of being human.  Dont let someones opinion ruin your day! Take a deep breath, I promise it will be OK, but maybe think before you type

One Thing I Hate About Having A Daughter

Being a woman is one of the hardest things in the world. I could list a million different reasons why, but what I find is THE hardest is our image. I don't mean the way we come across, I mean flat out the way we look. What color our hair is, how smooth our legs are, what size breasts we have, our shoe size, and of course the most important to everyone....our weight.

I'll never forget the actual day I started worrying about my weight.  I may have told this story before but it's important.  I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. The guy I was dating at the time called and said he wanted to stop by and say hi real quick. Being 15, nothing made me happier than that. He pulled up in the driveway and I hopped in the passenger seat, he gave me a quick peck and then sat back in his seat. Out of nowhere he said (as he poked me in the stomach) "wow, you're putting on a little weight huh? Might need to do something about that." Now I have to say, I was notorious for dating some real douches in high school (yes mom you were right, AGAIN) but I had never really been worried or concerned with my weight until then. I was mortified and humiliated and remember going in the house and immediately getting on the scale. To clarify I was a size 5, an apparently humongous, gross, size 5. I have had a problem with my self esteem and image ever since then. All because ONE insignificant comment was made by ONE person 14 years ago. Something so small stuck with me and has managed to influence the way I see myself. This is terrifying now that I have a daughter.  

When I found out I was having the girl I wanted so badly I was elated. There was nothing that was more exciting to me. I imagined the dressing up, the barbies, the baby dolls, doing her hair and all the fun stuff. What managed to elude my mind was what she will inevitably deal with as she grows. The pressure to be a girl. To wear the right clothes, do her hair the right way, and yes even be the "right" weight. What worries me even more is that no matter how much I tell her she is beautiful, perfect, smart, and amazing she will still most likely at some point see herself the way others let her, I know because my mom tried to tell me the same things. I am 29 and I STILL have image issues, the same ones that started from that asshole in high school. I don't ever want my daughter to feel any less beautiful because of a number on a scale or on a pair of pants. 

The media, Hollywood, actors, singers models you name it always complain about the pressures of the "business", but who gives into the "business"?  They do. When are the ones that reluctantly influence our young girls the most going to take a stand on what beauty really is?  I am going to do every single thing in my power to make sure my daughter knows that no matter what, she is the most beautiful person in the world, but as long as there are teenage boys, magazines, and whatever else telling her what "beauty" is my uplifting words just might get lost, but I refuse to accept that. I refuse to let anyone influence the way she sees herself. My daughter will always know that beauty is on the inside, and only her opinion matters. I hope someday that is a trend that catches on. The big smile she wears everyday, is the same one I want to continue to see for the rest of my life. Love yourself, be yourself, and don't let anyone change the way you feel about yourself in a negative way. We are all beautiful

Parenting Karma...sorry mom

Karma. Its the one thing most of us look forward to when we have been wronged.  While the idea of it is very straight forward there are different forms of it.  There is the cheating karma, when you have been cheated on and cant wait for that no good asshole to experience it himself.  Driving karma, when the car who is far more important than you cuts you off, and all you want to see him hit the next red light, or watch him get cut off by an Oldsmobile being driven by a couple in their 80's on their way to Sunday brunch.  Those are just a few examples, but when you become a parent the ultimate karma against you is brewing, the one your parents have been waiting for...parenting karma.  If I had to try and make a definition of parenting karma it would be:  Remember what you did to your parents?  Well you're about to get it right back, and possibly worse by those little things you have been protecting.


We all remember what we did to our parents growing up.  The tantrums, coloring on the wall, screaming in public, saying "I don't love you anymore", sneaking out, lying, you can fill in your own blanks.  It was devastating to our parents, we hurt them, and even worse we disappointed them.  Oh yeah you remember how much that stung, it was the WORST to hear that.  While our punishments came in the form of no TV, no radio, no car, no boom box (WHAAAAT), no phone (land line people, land line), what our parents were secretly waiting for was for us to have kids so they could secretly chuckle under their breath.  When I found out I was having a girl I specifically remember my mom saying "Haha yes! oh I hope she is JUST like you" and not in a sweet way like I hope she has your beautiful eyes, no it was like oh I cant wait for her to drive you crazy with her teenage attitude.

While I have been dealing with some small cases of parenting karma (9 year old attitude, 5 year old talking back and 3 year old screaming throw myself on the floor tantrums) my small glimpse of what is to come surfaced yesterday.  Let me give a little back story.

When I was a super cool 17 year old senior in high school, my mom got a brand new car.  Right after she got it she went on a trip and wasn't going to take the car with her.  After some begging, promising, reassuring, and begging again she reluctantly agreed to let me take the car to school for one day.  She gave me the mom speech that I half listened to (I was 17 remember) and off she went on her trip.

That morning I checked my mirrors, clicked my seat belt, put in my No Doubt CD, and lit a cigarette ( I WAS 17 REMEMBER? SUPER COOL).  I puffed along down the road, finished it and threw it out the window.  Five second later my left thigh was burning, the cigarette had come back in a landed on my moms brand new seat, putting a nice burn mark, again on her brand new seat.  I started thinking, I was either going to run away and never come back, make up a story, or hide it.  I thought of buying my mom seat covers, but knew she was too smart for that, so I came up with a foolproof story. 
"I know you told me not to, but I picked up a friend that smoked a cigarette in the car and when he threw it out the window in came back in and landed on my seat" sounded legit to me.  She was understandably pissed off, and by no means believed me.  Cant imagine why.  She was so upset because it was this brand new car and I had gone and ruined it, every time she would get in the car she would be reminded of my careless behavior.  I don't think I was ever allowed to drive that car again. 

Yesterday I experienced my first big parenting karma.  I have been telling my 9 year old some for months not to take his bike out next to my car.  He likes to push in the handle grips exposing the metal.  I tell him EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. and he never listens.  Well yesterday he finally scratched the side of my car with his stupid handlebars, not buff out scratches either, deep metal scratches.  I was so mad I couldn't even yell at him.  In the middle of my lecture I realized I was nearly quoting the lecture I got from my mom when I was 17.  It was in that moment that I knew I am so screwed and am going to so get it the older they get.  So Mom, I'm sorry, and karma gods, please have mercy on me.
Lets just hope I never have to experience my daughter projectile vomiting in the back of my car after her bachelorette party, only to find out the bag she was given had a hole in it....again sorry mom

It Was Just Two Stores

I have been waiting for today for a few months. It is Record Store Day and there is a limited edition Metallica cassette tape that I have been wanting to snag for my husband. I called around and most places were sold out, except for one about 20 minutes from my house. My husband works Saturdays and I work graveyard Friday night so I am normally pretty exhausted when I get home and have the house and kids to myself. I have pretty much sworn off venturing out with my children alone because most of the time when we enter public they turn into monsters. Since it was a special day, and I wanted to do something special for my husband I gave it another shot. What a great idea it was.

It took 10 minutes to get out the door, kind of a record. Great start I thought. Everyone got in their seats, got buckled up and away we went. The car ride was pleasant, uneventful, and surprisingly calm. No "he's looking at me!" "I didn't bring the right pal (stuffed animal)!" Or even a "I have to peeeeee nooooow!"  

We get to the record store that has a parking lot full of merchandise. Records, collectibles, and toys. Oh great, old collectible valuable toys. The kids didn't see them so we walked into the record store to get the cassette. The store was about the size of a bedroom MAYBE 10'x10' and FULL of people. Everyone was walking all over each other and the kids decided to start playing hide and go seek, hiding being crates or records and oh you know people. In my nice voice I tried to laugh it off "oh come on guys don't do that". Nothing, just giggling and hiding. "Guuuuuys come on, get over here."  Still nothing, at this point Brody had his face about 6 inches away from some poor guys butt (a fart would have taught him a lesson). Now it was time to increase the tone, using what I call the warning tone. The warning tone is a tone slightly louder than your normal tone but with a little more clenched teeth. "GUYS, that's ENOUGH." My kids know the warning tone. They stopped and we started walking back to the car. Almost made it to the car when my 9

Year old yells to my 5 and 3 year olds "HEYYY TOYS!! LOOK GUYS! TOYS!!" Ugh thanks. I spent the next 15 minutes trying to keep them from touching everything, taking off with something (one might call it stealing) or stepping on stuff. "What can we get?" They ask. "Nothing" I reply. The two youngest start crying in unison and my oldest starts huffing and puffing "how come youuu always get something?" "I never get anything" "this is boring" "why can't I get anything?"  I didn't respond because I was trying to keep from launching into a "why can't you appreciate the things you have" speech. 

We get in the car and I spot a store I had been wanting to stop in. At a red light I turn around and look at my kids. All calm now, sitting quietly again. "Ok I can do this", I say to myself. "You got this Brittany". I pull into a parking spot, take a deep breath and get out. The kids were good all the way to the front of the store where the carts were lined up. I put my 3 year old in the front of the cart and my 5 year old on the big part of the cart. Instantly the crying started. "I wanna sit in the big kid paaaaaart WAAAAAHHHH". I should have just walked back to the car and left, but I put her in the big part of the cart and went inside.

It took about three minutes before the whining started. Being a Saturday it was packed. People were rude and blocking every aisle and it was hard to move around, because of this I had to maneuver close to the clothing racks. That of course was when the grabbing started, like my kids were playing Supermarket Sweep. It didn't matter why it was they were grabbing it and putting it in the cart. "STOP" I said between my very clenched teeth. Nothing. They didn't even take me seriously enough to stop laughing. 

I don't know if you ever stop and listen to children's conversations but I guarantee you that if they are ever going to make something up that is mortifying about you, it will be in public. While looking at the underwear and bras my 5 year old says "ooooo, I bet mommy is looking at that for her booooyfriend" as I'm wearing my wedding ring. Then in unison my 3 and 5 year old start chanting "mommy has a boyfriend, mommy has a boyfriend!"  I look up to an older woman staring at me, "ha ha kids" I say to her. She looks away. "Guys stop, I don't have a boyfriend I'm married to daddy!" I say with a nervous OMG tone. "Then who was the guy that came over while daddy was at work?" Brody (5) says in a teasing tone. "That was the guy to fix the refrigerator silly, you know that." "Noooo mommy has a boyfriend, mommy has a boyfriend!" They start chanting again  The woman looks up again this time with a judgemental look and a raised eyebrow. "It was the repair guy, heh, kids." It really was the friggen repair guy. I'm not sure why I felt the need to explain myself to the stranger but she walked away and probably called me a Hussy under her breath. 

My final straw was when my oldest grabbed a huge pair of granny pantie underwear and asked "is this too small, or just right?" "Seriously?" I asked, "I've had enough lets go."  That of course started the unison crying, "whyyyyyyy, nooooo!"  Now people all around the store were starting to look. I get in line about the same time everyone else in the world also decided to get in line and we start waiting. Like most young potty trained kids when they see a sign for a bathroom in a store they must use it. It's like kids have a secret list of all the bathrooms in the world and need to visit and use them all, no matter what. In the middle of the 18 person line (no joke I counted) Brody spots the bathroom sign. "Umm mommy? I have to use the bathroom." "No you don't Brody." "Yes I dooooo, I really really dooooo" "well you're going to have to hold it, we are too deep in line to get out." But *insert crying and loud wailing* I HA-HAVE TO GOOOOO WAAAAHHHHH I HAVE TO GOOOOOO". "Ok just a sec." "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

I knew I needed a distraction and luckily there were some sand toys right in front of me. I grabbed them "oooooh looooook! You guys needed these! Here you go!" Magically Brody didn't have to pee anymore (told you) and it was quiet again. Those sand toys could have been $100 and I would have bought them at that point. 

We make it to the front and while I'm unloading the cart the little ones start fighting (again). Elle ends up slamming Brody's fingers in the part of the cart where the metal collapses on itself. He of course screams bloody murder, everyone is looking at us, whispering to each other, or both. "THAT WASNT NICE ELLE! SHIT!" I say. "Yeah shit!" Brody says "shit" says Elle. 

Mom of the year right here. Have a great weekend everyone!

 

Pretty much how I felt when I got home

Last First Moments

My daughter just had her 3rd birthday and the range of emotions I have been dealing with are insane.  There are times that I can't wait for her to grow up more (mostly out of the terrible 3's), and then other times I just want to freeze her in time.  Its a feeling that I had mildly with my boys, but it is worse this time because my daughter is my last baby.

Its really weird as a woman what goes through your head when you decide you are done having children.  In my case it wasn't really MY decision, it was more my body's decision.  I just had too many problems while pregnant to even entertain the idea of another baby.  I'm not even saying that I would have had anymore, but because the option for me isn't there, it made it that much harder.

I try not to spoil my daughter, but I admit she gets away with a lot...mostly everything.  She always gets an extra cookie because of the way she says "pretty pweeeese?", we rarely leave a store without SOMETHING "special", and she sneaks in our bed at night.  While it sucks and my husband and I wake up with sore backs (or her foot in his mouth, true story) I keep telling myself that I am never going to experience this age again.  I'm never going to have a little 3 year old whispering "Mommy, can I cuddle with you?" at 2AM again.  On top of that it is all going so fast.  I cant stand it, well most days, some days I'll be honest I wish she was an adult and out of the house.

I'm sure most women go through this eventually.  I mean at some point we stop having children (yes, even the Duggars).  Even if you are totally happy and comfortable with your decision to be done, a little piece of you melts when you see a tiny baby, or a pregnant woman and realize that wont be you again.  I had my kids young too, so a lot of my friends are just starting to have kids which ALSO doesn't help.  It really is like closing a huge chapter in your life.  When my doctor told me it wouldn't be wise and potentially dangerous to have anymore I broke down.  Like I said before, I wasn't necessarily planning on having anymore kids, but someone was telling me I couldn't, and anyone that knows me knows I am not very good with being told I cant do something.  I cried driving my husband to his vasectomy, I cried on the way home, the rest of the day, and off and on for months.  I felt like my body was officially worthless and useless.  My body was no longer going to do what it was built to do.  Yes I am lucky, I have 3 beautiful children, I know that and I'm not saying that any woman that cant have kids is less of a woman, this was just my personal feeling about myself.  In fact I tried to remind myself how lucky I was to have three beautiful healthy children, but my heart was still broken.

Every first milestone my daughter made, turned me into a slobbering blubbering mess.  To me they weren't firsts, they were lasts.  Last first moments, make sense?  Every stage so far has been as heartbreaking as the first.  Getting rid of her infant car seat, bottles, onesies, putting away her highchair, even buying her underwear (OK that was a little easier, so close to no more diapers).  While singing Happy Birthday to her recently, I got choked up.  My eyes welled up but I kept it together, and didn't let anyone see.  My last baby isn't such a baby anymore.  All I can do is helplessly try to embrace the good and even bad days, and soak up what is left of my kids being little.

Why you should always have coffee FIRST

It really frightens me when the day has already been eventful enough to write about.  It has been one of those mornings for sure.

I was about to run out of the door with my three children to get my oldest to school when he says "Ugh I have sand in my shoe" (from the park yesterday)
"OK just go ahead and dump it in-"
*sound of sand pouring out*
"What are you doing??"
"Dumping the sand in there"
"In the FLOOR VENT??"
"Yeah"
"WHY??"
"No one said I couldn't"
"I don't tell you on a daily basis you cant jump off a cliff but you know better than that right?"
"Well yeah, THAT I know"

In his defense we do live in a mansion where the trash can is an astounding 10 feet away from the scene of the crime.
Yeah awesome, maybe next time I have to turn on the heater I will close all the other vents and open his so all that sand goes flying into his room, then he might understand why he "cant" do that again.

OK fine whatever, into the car we go.

Driving down the street and a full size white Toyota Tundra 4X4 covered in a "graphix" company decal keeps drifting into my lane, enough to almost hit me twice.  Drunk driver, I wonder?  I finally get enough room to get ahead of her, and take the opportunity.  As I am passing her I see that a brunette woman has both hand OFF of the steering wheel so she can text or play on her phone or whatever.  She never looked up, and shortly after I saw her she proceeded to blow through an intersection on a red light (no accident thankfully).

Look I understand texting and driving or playing on your phone and driving, I really do.  I understand that there isn't an option on these so called "phones" to actually call people anymore, and that technology hasn't advanced enough to where you can talk to people through your speakers in your car.  I understand that if you don't update your Facebook status right away people wont think you are relevant anymore.  Most importantly I know that no one person is more important than sending out that text or updating your Facebook.  Just remember that when you end up killing someone, they don't have the internet in prison.  So if you don't care that you can kill someone with your car, just remember NO INTERNET *GASP* yeah I have your attention now huh?

Finally we make it back home, alive thankfully. 
Time to take the dog out
We walk to the "potty patch" and Rocko does his business that I promptly pick up and throw away.  While walking back to the house from the potty patch, Rocko decides he is not done.  To the side of the street he hunches over and pops out the tiniest piece of poop I have ever seen.  "Seriously?" I asked him.  I realize I am out of bags and start walking back to the potty patch to get a bag to pick up after him. 
I see a guy throw his truck in reverse as I start to walk TOWARDS the potty patch
"Ummm excuuuuuuse meee! Are you going to pick that up?"
No asshole, I'm not going to pick it up with my bare hands, although the thought did cross my mind to pick up this little piece of poop and throw it into his open window.
"Can I get a fucking bag first? Mind your own business!"
He drove away.
I'm going to find out where he lives and put a full bag of poop under his tire one day so that he will back up and not only will it be stuck all over his tire, but it will also explode onto his driveway.

"Geez Brittany, calm down!" you are thinking, I can hear you.

Just keep in mind that this all happened BEFORE I had my first cup of coffee. Yeah makes sense now doesn't it?

My kid got addicted to meth from the Breaking Bad action figures...said no parent ever

We all heard not too long ago about Breaking Bad action figures making it on to Toys R Us shelves. Shortly after we also heard about one Florida mother that was so disgraced about it, she started a petition (and received a whopping 9,000 signatures) to get them removed. I get it, the show was about a drug dealer and the action figure does come with a bag of money and a fake baggie of meth, BUT this was never advertised towards children, and its not like the show was on the Disney Channel. Instead of starting a petition wouldn't it just be easier to NOT buy it for your kid? Do people realize that it's not just kids that but action figures?  I mean I'm 29 years old and I just bought a Rick Grimes action figure. I thought it was funny how appalled this woman was. Think of all the other things they sell at Toys R Us. Violent video games, fake weapons, barbie dolls (that promotes an oh so great body image), and the list goes on. This isn't about the toys out there though.  This is about the parents and the people who need to stop complaining just to complain.  

If you sit back and try to rationalize this just for a second, you will really see how ridiculous it all is.  Lets think about why this Florida mom was upset.  Was she upset about the figure being sold because of the content of the show, because of what the figure came with, or both?  OK so all we really know is that she didn't like it being sold at a toy store.  The "toys" in question were obviously targeted at the fans of the show and not kids.  My questions is did her kid(s) point it out and say "Hey! That's Heisenberg!" or "Hey! That's Pinkman!" yeah I doubt it but there is the possibility that a kid could grab it run to their mom and say "mommy can I get this?  pleeeease? pleeeeease?"  Now brace yourselves because I'm about to share with you one of my biggest secrets as a mother myself.  If your child asks for something that you feel is inappropriate, or something you don't agree with, just say this magical word.  Ready?  NO.  That's right!  You being the parent gives you the right to keep your kids from anything you feel is bad or wrong.  Isn't it crazy?  Need examples?

"Mom, can we get a Happy Meal tonight?"
"NO"
"Mom, can we get a puppy?"
"NO"
"Mom, can we live at Disneyland?"
"NO"

Oh and hey it works for Dads too! Need examples?

"Dad, can I kick my ball by your car?"
"NO"
"Dad, can I change the channel?"
"NO"
"Dad, can I have candy before breakfast?"
"NO" (well you're supposed to say no)

It works for "toys" too

"Mom, Dad, can I get this action figure with fake meth and a dufflebag of cash?"  Ready?
"NO!"

Now, maybe there is a legitimate reason this mom and 8,999 other people were so worried about this action figure.  I mean, we should really look into the amount of kids that have turned into meth heads because they got their hands on a Breaking Bad action figure.  Oh that's right, it probably doesn't exist.  I would say this is about as dangerous to our youth as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figure that shoots steaming hot pizza.  Why isn't anyone worried about kids grabbing steaming hot pizzas and throwing them at people?  That could cause third degree burns!  Have you ever burned the roof of your mouth from pizza?  Now imagine that all over your face.  You may laugh, but that would be way more realistic than your kid becoming addicted to meth because of an action figure they saw at Toys R Us.  At the end of the day all that Florida mom did was make these incredibly more sought after, more intriguing, and not to mention skyrocket in value.  I know I loved the show, but I hadn't even heard of them until this mom cried about it (now I have two, thanks!).  Surely there is more going on in this world than the non effect this will have on our children. So please lets go back to worrying about REAL issues affecting our kids like starving children, childhood cancer, child abuse, and the releases of "rehabilitated" sex offenders. 

The 5 Types of Pick-Up and Drop-Off Parents

If you have school age children then you know the struggle of your morning.  Getting up before you want to, making breakfast for cranky children that always includes at least one "I didn't want THAT for breakfast!", fighting to get everyone dressed, trying to find matching shoes in a hurry (where DO they go??) and the inevitable fight over who is going to get in the car first.  Most of this is done before you get to enjoy your first cup of coffee, unless you want to get up even earlier than you didn't want to in the first place.  However, by the time you enter the 1 mile radius to the school everything else looks like a piece of cake, because parents trying to drop their kids off at school are a million times worse than your cranky children in the morning.

There are several types of morning drop off parents, I'll break them down and then you can decide which category you fit into

1. The Wow its a Beautiful Morning Parent:  These parents are rare and few and far between.  This is a parent that woke up on the best part of the bed and has had an amazing morning that they want to share with everyone.  Their children were probably unusually behaved, ate their breakfast quietly, got dressed without hassle, and were ready to go before the parent was.  In the drop off this parent will willingly wave you ahead of them in line, smiling as they do it, wave to the crossing guard, and even use their turn signals.  Like I said RARE

2.  The Zombie Parent:  This parent is just going through the motions of the morning routine.  Kids act the same way every single day, they aren't particularly having a good or a bad morning, just a normal to them morning.  They are alert enough to get their kids safely to school, but are oblivious to your turn signals.  They either don't drink coffee, or don't get up early enough to enjoy it.

3. The Screw This Morning Parent:  This parent usually has most things under control in the mornings but is having an unusual start to the day.  Either the alarm clock didn't go off, one of the kids spilled an entire gallon of milk on the floor, the toaster burned all the toast, or the coffee machine just broke.  This parent doesn't do well without structure and is completely frazzled.  At least one child is probably wearing two different socks.  This parent will give you the "please just let me in!!" look, will try to use their signal until finally giving up and having to pull out in front of someone, and is most likely to roll down the window, wave and scream "YOU'RE WELCOME!!" to someone they were nice enough to let in, but was not thanked or even acknowledged

4.  The Hey We Made It On Time Today! Parent:  This parent likes to sleep in and has absolutely no expectations of getting to school before the final warning bell rings.  This parent rushes everyone through breakfast, has everyones clothes out and lunches made the night before, and a timer on their coffee pot just so they can get those 10 extra minutes of sleep.  If they happen to get to school while other people are still dropping their kids off they are pretty relaxed.  They don't use their signals (mostly because there is hardly anyone around), they take their time saying goodbye to their kids, and will sit and drink their coffee while watching their kids walk into the school until they are no longer visible.  They are a very controlled chaotic drop off parent.

5.  The I'm Way More Important Than You Parent:  This parent is always just an asshole.  Even though they get up with more than enough time to have their coffee, get dressed and probably put make up on,  their children always listen to them, and are out the door at the exact same time every single day, their social skills are lacking.  This parent weaves in and out of traffic, pretends not to see your turn signal (or you), speeds around you to get that spot you were eyeing (every day), pulls out in front of anyone at any time, NEVER EVER uses a turn signal, and is usually your school year enemy.  They can sense a #3 parent and prey on them, and are usually the type a #3 parent has to roll down the window and yell at, in the event they even waited to be invited to be let in.

I'll admit I have been all of these drop off parents.  Sometimes I am more one than another, but at some point we are all of them.  Try and remember we are all there for the same reason, and most of us don't want to be there, so next time maybe let that parent with the signal on in with a smile and a wave.

I should really watch my mouth around my children

What is it about children and their memory?

It is a typical day after school, the kids are fighting, asking for snacks, and complaining that they cant watch T.V.  This is an everyday occurrence.  The same thing, with the same results, every.single.day.  In addition to that is the questions that pop out of nowhere, most of the time thanks to my 9 year old.  This is how it goes:

Son: When am I going to get my retainer?
Me: What are you talking about? (As I'm struggling to get the younger kids in the house)
S: When am I going to get my retainer?  You said I was
M: When did I say that?
S: A few months ago

Here is another example from a recent conversation:

S: Am I going to get a Happy Meal today?
M: NO! Why would I buy you a Happy Meal?
S: You said I could get one
M: When did I say you could get one?
S: You said if I could get 100% on my first 2 spelling tests I could get a Happy Meal
M: No I didn't say that
S: Yes you did!
M: WHEN
S: Before school started

My 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter have also followed suit, I'll translate:

Son: When are we going to Gavin's house?
Daughter: Yeah we go Gavin house
Me: I don't know
S: (already crying) you said we were going to go!!
M: No I didn't!
S: YES YOU DID! You said we were going to go on Tuesday
D: (now crying as well) I want to go see Fifa!!
M: When did I say we were going to go on Tuesday
S: last week
D: I WANT TO SEE FIFA!!



I am constantly confused by my children.  How in the world do they remember this stuff?  Sometimes I wonder if I really say these things, or if they are just messing with me because I can't remember what I did yesterday.  Am I that forgetful when it comes to these things?  Is it a mom thing?  I know a lot of times when the kids start bugging me over and over about something I say "yeah, sure" just to get them to stop, but I'm not really expecting them to remember!  It seems just like us parents have selective hearing, children also have selective memory.  This is why I should no longer talk to my children when I am in the middle of something OR before I have had my coffee.


These are a list of things I wish they WOULD remember:

• Closing the door when they use the bathroom
• Putting the seat up
• Putting the seat DOWN
• Peeing IN the toilet
• Being quieter when I pick up the phone not louder
• Putting their dishes in the sink
• Not bringing food in their room
• Knocking before coming into my room
• Letting me use the bathroom alone
• Stop pulling the cats tail
• Don't throw things
• Don't throw things at each other
• No T.V. until homework is done
• I have to get everyone in the door before we can talk about snacks
• Mommy is mean before coffee

Did I miss anything?

10 things we need to stop doing on Facebook

There was a time that Facebook was fun.  Finding old friends and catching up, keeping in touch with family members that live far away, and countless other reasons.  I'm not sure how we went from that easy go lucky idea to what it is today.  While I still enjoy logging on everyday (OK all day) I find myself rolling my eyes a lot more lately, because some things have gotten out of control. We are all guilty of at least one of the things, or in my case multiple things, but you know what they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem so there you go.  Here are the top 10 things that need to stop, in no particular order.

1. Vaguebooking

I put this one first because it is MY biggest Facebook pet peeve. We all need a little extra attention every now and then, but Vaguebooking is just downright annoying.  You can always tell when someone is feeling a little left out of the cyber world when they post things like
"Ugh"
":("
"I'm sad"
"Why me?"

Well you get it.  There is nothing wrong with posting those things but when you start getting responses asking whats wrong (which is exactly what you want) and then respond to no one, it is obvious you just want to make sure people are paying attention to you.  You may be able to get away with that once in a while, but when you start doing it on a normal basis people will stop paying attention to you.  People will not even ask whats wrong anymore, because you have proven time and time again that you have no intention telling everyone just what the hell is wrong.  Whether you like to admit it or not, we are all nosy and hate when we get sucked in with no payoff.  That is a major Facebook turn-off.  Which brings me to my next thing.

2. Airing Your Dirty Laundry

I like some drama and gossip just as much as the other person, but somethings really should remain private, no matter how entertaining it may be for us.  This is most important when it refers to a couple.  Remember, when you are mad and post something horrible your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/lover or whatever did its hard to take it back.  Even if you delete it, chances are a majority of your friends have already seen it and will not be able to delete it from their memory.  This is especially important for couples with mutual friends. or couples where the other person doesn't have a Facebook and has no idea you are spewing your private stuff all over.  You may need to vent, and that's fine but when you share it with everyone you have just asked for more trouble.  If you have mutual friends someone WILL tell the other person and your mini venting session went from what you thought was something innocent to something on a much higher level.  Surely if you have 100+ Facebook friends you are close enough with someone you can text, call, email, or even IM (remember that?) right?  A temporary lapse in judgment is one thing when you write a rant but if it continues, you will most likely stop getting sympathy and start getting more eye rolls, and be prepared for someone to call you out on it.  The whole "I can write what I want its my page" thing only goes so far before people start hiding your feeds, or even deleting you.

3.  Posting Too Many Pictures of Your Kids or Pets (or both) in a day

Yes your kids are adorable, yes your pet is too, but don't over do it.  As parents we think every single expression, outfit, haircut, and sleeping position are adorable, and they are, but posting all of those things in one day is overkill (albums excluded).  No one will ever love your children the way you do, and the same goes for loving every picture you take.  I am 100% guilty of this.  It isn't an attention thing, you just want everyone to see how awesome your kid or pet is, but the truth is only a select few will really care after the 4th or 5th picture of the day, after that most will just scroll right past you.  Doing this every once in a while is one thing, then there are a select few that do it on a daily basis, posting nearly the exact same pictures every day.  Feel free to share but try to keep it to a minimum, or get on Instagram.  Oh and if you don't have kids and swear you will never be one of those parents, at some point you will. 

4.  Pictures of Disgusting Things

This is pretty self explanatory.  No one wants to see the massive poop your kid took, the projectile vomit, or the aftermath of a long drunk night out.  You may think its hilarious and interesting but the rest of us are cringing and unsuccessfully trying to get the image out of our heads.  You may even think its pretty cool your kid used the potty for the first time, and it is, feel free to tell us, but we don't need a visual.

5.  The Daily Selfie

We all know someone who loves themselves so much that they have to share a new picture with us every.single.day. sometimes multiple times a day.
"Going to the club!"
"Going to dinner!"
"Going to work!"
"Going to the bathroom!"

Its great that you have such high self esteem, and we like seeing new pictures of you, but unless you got plastic surgery, you look exactly the same as you did yesterday, thanks for reminding us.

6. Food--Instagram yes, Facebook no

As much as I was hoping this was a short lived trend, it is still going strong.  Nobody needs a daily picture of what you are eating.  If you are really REALLY proud of it then lets see it, but a PB&J? Yeah that's not newsworthy.  Save the food pictures for something special, like something you worked your ass off all day making, something unique, or even a Pinterest success (or fail, those are fun too).  In-N-Out is obviously an exception to this, but not if you eat it everyday.  And don't you dare post a picture on my news feed of plain old boring In-N-Out fries, those better be Animal Style or you'll hear about it from me.

7.  #hashtagging

#we #need #to #stop #talking #like #this #about #everything.  Also 100% guilty of this.  Hash tagging started off on Twitter for a reason.  Sometimes it can be hard to fit all of your thoughts in 140 characters, and on Twitter it is a way to see what other people are saying about the same thing you are talking about, but Facebook doesn't work like that.  It is understandable if you are cross posting from Instagram or Twitter, but if not then just say what you need to say, you have plenty of room!

8. Compulsive Woe is Me Posts

Everyone has bad days, there is no argument there, but attention seeking daily posts about how bad your life is is annoying.

"FML"
"My life sucks"
"When will I have a good day?"
"Why do things keep happening to me?"
Etc.

If you are posting like that on a daily basis you either are in need of some serious help (no sarcasm there) or you need to change what you are doing.  Unlike #1, this is the person who is constantly being shit on and doing nothing about it but feeling sorry for themselves and wanting everyone and their mother to know about it every day.  Nobody likes a constant Debbie Downer and with each post your sympathy level goes down.  The days will be numbered that people comment with "whats wrong?" "everything OK?" or "I'm sorry :(".  Eventually people will just be thinking "Shut up already!"

9.  Facebragging

Got a new car? I want to see. Met a celebrity? I want to see that too.  Wads of cash? Um yeah no thanks.  Fifth super expensive unnecessary new toy this week? No thanks I'll pass on that too.  There is a fine line between sharing things with people and bragging about them.  We all like to make people envious of us sometimes, but if you overdo it, they will just start thinking you are a douchebag.  Yes we all want nice things, and its cool when we get something we have saved for, or got for Christmas or whatever, but if you just have cash coming out of your ass and cant stop talking about it, we will stop being excited for you, and roll our eyes as fast as we scroll past you.

10.  Asking for Money

Why people do this I will never understand.  It takes a real ballsy person to ask people for money on Facebook for whatever it may be.  Charity, school donations, and stuff like that are different, but just for you?  Are you kidding me?  This sometimes can tie into #8.  Not always do people come right out and ask for money but they imply that they really need it.  Writing their sob story (or stories) in hopes it will appeal enough to garner donations.  Its tacky, and if you are hurting for money that bad contact someone privately that may be able to help you. don't post it all over the damn place.  The only time I have ever done this is in a joking manner like "Hey who wants to lend me $20,000 for a car?" or "Hey my birthday is coming up who wants to buy me an iPad?"  am I really asking for it?  Obviously not, its a joke, jokes are funny, pity is not.

Its ok to say it...I just did

Being a stay at home mom, or a working mother is typically a decision that many struggle with.  Some don't have an option, but for those who do, it can take a toll.  Many years ago when I decided to be a stay at home mom, I had just had my son.  I couldn't imagine leaving him everyday to go to work.  The thought of it ate me up.  Even leaving him alone for a date night was torture, but isn't it always like that with your first baby?

After a few months it became clear that I was going to need to get a job for us to survive.  My husband and I were young and just weren't cutting it on a single salary.  I learned to deal with being a working mother and cherished my days off to spend with my son.  Over the past 8 years I have gone back and forth between working and staying at home with my now 3 children.  That being said I have to say that I think I prefer to work.

I know how that might sound, but the truth is, there are a lot of women out there who actually prefer to work versus being home all day.  At the moment I am only working a few days a week, but that is fine by me.  While it isn't the ideal choice for everyone, for me working makes me feel like I am important, like I actually have a life.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children to death, but I found that when I am strictly a stay at home mom I lose a piece of myself.  I have hardly any adult interaction or conversation (aside from my husband and phone calls) and I feel like I have only one identity, mom.

Getting dressed up, putting on makeup, and doing my hair for work makes me happy and I look forward to going (most nights).  I opted to work the graveyard shift so I can essentially do both.  I can have time to myself, make some money, talk to other adults, and then come home and be mom.  Even though I am tired, when I get home I appreciate being a mother much more, mostly because I got the chance to MISS my children.  When I am a stay at home mom things start to get to me quickly.  The whining, crying, I need this, I need that, whatever it may be.  Some moms relish in that and enjoy it, but I am not one of them.  I need a chance to be me and have time to myself.  I don't think it is uncommon for moms to feel like they have lost their identity, and at some point whether they admit it or not they all feel it, even if it is just for a second.  There were many days where I would be sitting on the couch watching some cartoon for the umpteenth time and wonder "what am I doing?" "how did I get so frumpy and predictable?"  I stared realizing that my days were EXACTLY the same.  Everything I was doing everyday was like clockwork, and it was destroying me.

When I was younger I was so unpredictable.  I went with the flow, and pretty much did what I wanted when I wanted.  I remembered times when my biggest worry was having to deal with a hangover at work, and now here I was a boring mom, in sweats, never even putting an effort into my appearance anymore.  I started to feel bad for my husband, he would come home to a stressed out, 5pm pajama wearing wife who was more excited he was home so she could get a break, than excited to actually SEE him.  Every night when the kids would go to bed I started to feel alive.  I had the weight of three children lifted off of my shoulders and could actually relax and be....me.  I should clarify that there is not really anything boring about being a stay at home mom, its hard work and nonstop.  Just when you think you have them all occupied and try to sit down it all goes up in flames.  I'm not lying when I say that being a stay at home mom is THE hardest job that exists, and maybe people like me aren't cut out for it, and I'm OK with saying that.  If I am a horrible mother for saying I enjoy being away from my kids to work then so be it, start throwing stones at me.  This isn't the 50's and we don't have to be afraid to say that some of us feel a little unfulfilled as stay at home moms.

If being a stay at home mom completes you and you are in love with it then that is awesome, but if you are someone more like me who also enjoys working don't feel bad about it.  It is nothing to be ashamed of, and you are not any lesser of a mother, and it also doesn't mean that you love your children any less.  In order for you to be a good loving mother you have to take care of yourself first, and make sure YOU are happy, and if getting a job to get away for a bit makes you happier then so be it.  

Why I love grocery shopping with my kids.....

The grocery store, its my sanity, my alone time, and the one thing I look forward to doing.  That is, until today.

I woke up this morning and the cupboards were bare, the fridge was basically empty, and there was a lone frozen waffle in the freezer.  Being the great mother I am I decided it was time to go grocery shopping.  The only problem?  My husband was at work, so that meant I either let the kids go hungry all day or I buck up, get the kids and myself dressed and take all 3 of them WITH ME.  Yes 3 kids alone in the grocery store.  Fun.

Before I unbuckled all of them I looked into their eyes and said "we are going into the store now, don't ask me for this, or that, don't try to run off, don't cry when I say no, and please PLEASE don't make me yell at you"  All three of them looked me in the eye and simply said "OK".  My kids are liars.

The first 5 minutes were fine, we went through the produce department with no problems.  I got the things I needed and moved onto the hot dog/lunchable area.  Braden starts "ooooo I want one! Can I get one?? Please can I get just one??" "Fine" I said "just one." My first mistake.  One of the rules of grocery shopping (or any kind of shopping for that matter) is when you get one thing for one of them then they ALL have to have one.  Elle starts yelling "mine mine mine!" then Brody.  I had to think fast, then I got it, the bakery!  Who doesn't remember going shopping with their mom and stopping at the bakery for a free cookie?  I said "Who wants a cookie?" in unison they all yell "MEEEEEEE!" Great off to the bakery we go, everyone got a GIANT cookie and I continued on my way.

The next five minutes were quiet, and it was so nice, until Braden did the unthinkable to Brody.  I am looking at the pasta aisle and hear a blood curdling scream behind me.  I turn around and Braden, brace yourself, BROKE.BRODY'S.COOKIE.IN.HALF.  That's right, right in half.  Brody is very particular about things, he likes everything a certain way, he is a little OCD courtesy of me, so to him this was the end of the world.   I looked at Braden with you know "the look" because he knows not to mess with Brody and he looked back at me with the "oh shit" look.  I tried to calm Brody down but it wasn't working.  He was pissed, crying, screaming, having a complete meltdown.  People were looking at me probably thinking I was killing him.  Then a lady said "Um excuse me, your daughter" I turned around and there's Elle standing straight up in the cart with the proudest look on her face.  I said thank you, sat Elle back down, grabbed Brody and just started walking away.

I finally calmed Brody down after a few minutes (basically by letting him yell to Braden "THAT WASN'T NICE BEEDEN!) and was now rushing through my shop.  Things were going downhill and fast.  Shopping is normally a thing that takes me a few hours, I like to compare products, prices, etc. so I take my time to try and spend as little as possible.  Not today.  I looked crazy throwing things in the basket, not even stopping, just slowing down enough to grab things off the shelves.  Then came the frozen aisles.  They were all yelling for different things "pizza! waffles! corn dogs! ice cream!" so pretty much anything they saw they wanted (remember in the beginning they said they wouldn't do that? yeah.) Braden keeps opening and closing the doors and saying "oh we need this!" to EVERYTHING. I finally stopped him, got real close, and in my quietest most stern voice said "Stop opening and closing everything and STOP asking for stuff".  There I thought, that set him straight, I'm totally winning now.

As I was looking at the vegetables I hear boxes start falling.  I didn't even want to look.  I knew what I was going to see.  I slowly glance over and theres Braden watching frozen pizza after frozen pizza fall to the ground with Brody laughing hysterically.  I just stood there, in shock.  How did this happen?? I WAS WINNING! I gave him another look (which obviously doesn't work but whatever) and he quietly and slowly started putting the pizzas back.  I didn't yell, I didn't even talk, I just let him pick them up and started asking God, Mary, and Baby Jesus, to give me the strength to get through the rest of this trip without having my own meltdown.  It didn't work.  We made it to the next aisle so I could get cheese and Elle starts picking up the frozen boxes and LICKING THEM. Every time I would take one away she would grab another.  Ugh so gross, I had no choice but to give her a stern "NO!" that was it, she lost it.  She started screaming crying and trying to get out of the cart.  I had one thing left to get, paper towels.  I could have left without them but I was going to get those paper towels dammit.  We make it to the paper towels, I'm winning again, they wont fit in the cart so I ask Braden to hold them.  Brody loses it HE wants to hold them.  So there I am in the paper towel aisle, Elle crying, and now Braden and Brody fighting over who gets to hold the single paper towel roll.  I felt it coming, I was no longer winning again, I had held it in this long but couldn't anymore.  At the top of my lungs I yelled "WOULD YOU GUYS KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY???" "ENOUGH! THAT'S ENOUGH!!" They all stopped and stared at me, yep they did it, they made mommy that crazy lady in the store with the kids, we all know THAT mom, and today it was me.  People were peaking around the aisle corners, the pharmacist looked up, and even the meat guy were all stopping what they were doing to get a look at the crazy lady.  I was so embarrassed, no make that mortified, I needed to get out of there.  Braden gave Brody the paper towel roll, Elle stopped crying, and we made our way to the checkout.

The cashier looked at me, visibly frazzled and said, "long day?" I just smirked instead of saying something smart ass like I wanted to.  I felt like I was winning again so I decided to treat myself to a small Starbucks, I earned that.  The kids were quiet, groceries were paid for,  and I was about to enjoy a hard earned coffee, I won.  I did it I won! HA!  I turned my back to the kids to pay for my Starbucks and I hear a man behind me "um excuse me ma'am, um excuse me" I turned around to see what this man needed and Elle was missing a shoe standing straight up in the cart again, and Brody was starting to pull down his pants saying "I have go potty".

I lost.

RIP "Weekends"

Every Friday night I think to myself "Ooo I think I'll stay up late and catch up on my DVR", because the kids are going to sleep in tomorrow.  Every single weekend I am proven wrong.  My children are the type that must wake up as soon as there is any sort of daylight, and its not like the sun is beating into their rooms (each of them have blackout curtains) but they seem to have some kind of sensor that alerts them.  I really wish I knew how to turn that switch off.

It wouldn't be so bad if they calmly came in my room and said something like "good morning best mommy in the world its time to get up!" No that's not it.  Its more like me being jolted awake by either jumping on my bed, the boys fighting, doors slamming, Brody saying "GET UP IT'S DAY" or "GET UP I'M HUNGRY" awwww such sweet kids.  Then there is Elle over the monitor "MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY" followed by a scream only a banshee could replicate. 

It's hard enough getting used to a new school year, and getting into a routine during the week.  How do they not want to just enjoy the lack of responsibility on weekends like I do?  And whyyyyy do they seem to get up earlier on weekends than weekdays?  Its a very twisted system I tell you.  So as I sit here on a Saturday morning, clinging to my coffee and regretting catching up on shows until 1am I am plotting my revenge.  My sweet sweet revenge.

I remember being a teenager and sleeping in until well past noon.  My mother would be disgusted and break open my blinds and start singing....very loud, until I was so annoyed I had no choice but to get up.  Since I became a mother I have realized that that was probably her revenge on me for ruining her sleep all those years, and now, I accept that.  My revenge will be slightly more subtle just for fun and to get the point loud and clear.  I have decided to alternate the following events when they are teenagers and cherish sleep until I am satisfied

• Wake them up every 2-3 hours yelling I'm hungry, or that I have gas
• Jump on THEIR bed screaming "ITS DAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!"
• Steal a chapter from my moms book and bust in their room singing LOUD (for the record my kids HATE when I sing, and I have no idea why as my voice is like an angel)
• Slam each and every door in the house as hard as I can
• Go in their room and gently wake them up with a megaphone
• Yell and scream that my husband is touching my stuff and wont share
• 3 words...pots and pans

I could literally go on and on, if you have any ideas feel free to share!

I know one day I am going to miss their sweet little faces waking me up in such horrible ways, but as you can tell today is not one of those days.  RIP weekends you will forever be missed

First morning of school

I'm not sure what it is about the first day of school that brings the absolute worst in people, but it never ceases to amaze me every single year.

Look ladies (mostly) we All need a parking space, we ALL need to find our kids class, we ALL need to maneuver through the other clueless parents and children, and we ALL haven't had nearly enough coffee yet.

Its one of those things that most of us parents don't want to be there, the first day is always chaos but it would be nicer if everyone realized that and was just nice and helpful. Everyone is just flat out rude on the first day, they and their children are way more important than you DUH! I was cut off multiple times, had two parking spots stolen from me, people flat out REFUSED to let myself and my three children (one of which was in a stroller) cross the street, I was stepped on, and Brody was even pushed a few times.

We were having trouble finding the line for Braden to line up.   I walked through the lines about 3 times reading ever paper looking for his teachers name, couldn't find it.  As I am weaving in and out of kids and parents looking for this teachers name I realize Braden is GONE.  He was happily running around with a friend from last year like we had nothing better to do.  Now I'm not the kind of mother that wakes up 4 hours early to do my hair and make-up to drop my kid off at school.  I'm a throw-my-hair-up-in-a-bun-big sunglasses-sweats-while-clutching-my-coffee kind of girl.  But today being the first day of school I put on jeans, yes JEANS, since it was a special occasion I got dressy (Kidding).  Being in the OC this is almost a no no.  Most of these women hire a personal make-up/hair/stylist as part of their daily routine, I swear.  I got dirty looks if I asked for help (or eye rolling..totally my favorite) like I was some kind of idiot, maybe it was because I looked like a ragged crazy woman, even borderline homeless at this point.  Not only did I look crazy but now I was "that mother" clutching her three year old, pushing a stroller and yelling at my oldest to "get back here" "I'm serious" "get over here" "we don't have time for that right now" "I SAID GET OVER HERE" "STOP RUNNING OFF" add about 12 exclamation points after every phrase and say it increasingly louder with more agitation as you go on.  Finally after I was sweating my ass off, stressed out, and on the verge of screaming "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE HELP MEEEEEEE????" I found another parent who also couldn't find the stupid class line.  We searched and searched and along the way found 2 other parents also all looking for the same class.  We found it, it was posted on a CHAIR in the middle of tons of screaming running children.  GREAT place for it. 

Braden got in his line and waited to enter his classroom while I tried to compose myself, then OF COURSE I run into my neighbor.  I must have been looking awesome because she literally had to do a double take when she saw me.  Knowing I was stressed and sweating the first thing I said was "wow its hot today huh?" Oh yeah Brittany nice one its a scorching 76 today. She said "yeah sure is"with that "back away slowly" look in her eye, like I was a rabid animal.  In her defense she was probably pretty close.  We talked a little more, found out our kids are in the same class, and then went on our way. 

Sooooo I guess you could say the first morning was a major success.....cant wait for the first after school pick-up of the year yaaaaaaaaaay