Having A Baby is Giving Birth, No Matter What

While browsing my Facebook this morning I encountered the above picture.  It was attached to a page that I will NOT be promoting. In fact I blanked out their logo as well.
Someone posted it on one of my mom groups, not in favor of it, but obviously out of shock.  At first glace, seeing a picture of a belly with a c-section scar makes me feel empowered.  It is a battle scar, a scar that serves as a reminder to me that I carried and gave life to all of my children through it.  I don't know anyone personally that has ever judged a person by their choice in giving birth.  Some people like to give birth in tubs, some at home, some outside (have you seen that new show?), some in a hospital, some with drugs, some without, etc.  Every woman has an ideal scenario of how they want to bring their children into the world, but sometimes it just isn't in the cards.  Sometimes things happen that are out of our control.

I was in labor with my first son for 16 hours, fully dilated, when he went into distress.  His heart rate dropped all the way to the 40's every time I tried to push.  The doctors really did try everything.  Different positions, clamps, suction, you name it, but at one point his heart rate wasn't recovering after I pushed.  It was at that time that I had an emergency c-section, so much of an emergency that I didn't have a chance to get the proper amount of drugs to numb the lower half of my body.  I remember the doctor pressing the scalpel on my thigh and asking if I could feel it, I replied with "yes" to which he replied "we don't have time, he needs to come out NOW" and with that I felt my stomach being cut open.  I remember feeling like I was outside of my body, I could hear myself scream in a way I had never heard before.  The staff was trying to calm me down, pushing meds into my IV.  I felt them plop my newborn in between my legs, I remember it being warm, and then I finally went numb, just in time to be sewn and stapled back together.  It was an experience unlike any other, and I for sure did not choose it.  However, it was necessary to save my son.

So I would like someone to tell me how I "got lucky" in having a c-section.  If that's luck then I'm not interested.  The bottom line is no matter how it is done, giving birth is a beautiful and special thing.  Not everyone has the opportunity either, so people should really watch their words.  One day women will stop judging and competing with each other and support and empower one another.  I look forward to that day.

In the meantime I say this, bringing a baby (or babies) into this world is a beautiful thing, and no one should ever be judged for the way they choose (or don't choose) to do so.  Be proud of your achievement, your body, your stretch marks, your scars, and so on.  I know I am

Last First Moments

My daughter just had her 3rd birthday and the range of emotions I have been dealing with are insane.  There are times that I can't wait for her to grow up more (mostly out of the terrible 3's), and then other times I just want to freeze her in time.  Its a feeling that I had mildly with my boys, but it is worse this time because my daughter is my last baby.

Its really weird as a woman what goes through your head when you decide you are done having children.  In my case it wasn't really MY decision, it was more my body's decision.  I just had too many problems while pregnant to even entertain the idea of another baby.  I'm not even saying that I would have had anymore, but because the option for me isn't there, it made it that much harder.

I try not to spoil my daughter, but I admit she gets away with a lot...mostly everything.  She always gets an extra cookie because of the way she says "pretty pweeeese?", we rarely leave a store without SOMETHING "special", and she sneaks in our bed at night.  While it sucks and my husband and I wake up with sore backs (or her foot in his mouth, true story) I keep telling myself that I am never going to experience this age again.  I'm never going to have a little 3 year old whispering "Mommy, can I cuddle with you?" at 2AM again.  On top of that it is all going so fast.  I cant stand it, well most days, some days I'll be honest I wish she was an adult and out of the house.

I'm sure most women go through this eventually.  I mean at some point we stop having children (yes, even the Duggars).  Even if you are totally happy and comfortable with your decision to be done, a little piece of you melts when you see a tiny baby, or a pregnant woman and realize that wont be you again.  I had my kids young too, so a lot of my friends are just starting to have kids which ALSO doesn't help.  It really is like closing a huge chapter in your life.  When my doctor told me it wouldn't be wise and potentially dangerous to have anymore I broke down.  Like I said before, I wasn't necessarily planning on having anymore kids, but someone was telling me I couldn't, and anyone that knows me knows I am not very good with being told I cant do something.  I cried driving my husband to his vasectomy, I cried on the way home, the rest of the day, and off and on for months.  I felt like my body was officially worthless and useless.  My body was no longer going to do what it was built to do.  Yes I am lucky, I have 3 beautiful children, I know that and I'm not saying that any woman that cant have kids is less of a woman, this was just my personal feeling about myself.  In fact I tried to remind myself how lucky I was to have three beautiful healthy children, but my heart was still broken.

Every first milestone my daughter made, turned me into a slobbering blubbering mess.  To me they weren't firsts, they were lasts.  Last first moments, make sense?  Every stage so far has been as heartbreaking as the first.  Getting rid of her infant car seat, bottles, onesies, putting away her highchair, even buying her underwear (OK that was a little easier, so close to no more diapers).  While singing Happy Birthday to her recently, I got choked up.  My eyes welled up but I kept it together, and didn't let anyone see.  My last baby isn't such a baby anymore.  All I can do is helplessly try to embrace the good and even bad days, and soak up what is left of my kids being little.

It's 2015 so WHY are we still doing THIS?

The world has come a long way in terms of acceptance.  Within the last 50 years a lot of things have changed.  Gay people are less afraid of coming out (including celebrities), gay marriage is recognized, we have a black president, medical marijuana is gaining more steam (or smoke if you prefer) in many states, major organizations are less forgiving of domestic violence, and the list goes on.  While all of those things are a great improvement in our way of living, there is one thing that seems to be constant no matter how much time passes, and that thing is "fat-shaming".

I'll never understand what kind of state of mind you have to have to treat anyone overweight like someone that is less human.  Is there really a difference in discriminating a person based on their weight, and discriminating someone based on the color of their skin?  I don't think so.  The whole "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt" saying is total bullshit.  Have you ever been called fat?  It fucking hurts.  It is just as derogatory as calling a gay person a "fag", or a black person the "n" word.  WHY is this OK?  WHY aren't more parents, teachers, etc. teaching kids that this isn't acceptable?  WHY isn't this talked about more and WHY isn't it more discouraged?

I wouldn't consider myself fat, but I definitely don't have my high school figure, thanks to giving birth to 3 kids, and not working out as much as I should, or eating what I should.  I've been called fat at my job (by angry people) a few times and it has never gotten easier to hear.  Every time it has been some super skinny chick that isn't getting her way, and when calling me a bitch doesn't work (thanks for the compliment), their next dagger of choice is weight.  It works too, it gets me to shut up, OR tell them to get the fuck out, and at that point they smile because they "got" me. 

"Fat-shaming" is almost always in the news, but the past few days it has been out there more.  The two main stories being Kelly Clarkson (try to NOT say that in Steve Carell's voice) and the "Dancing Man".  Kelly Clarkson got married and had a baby and is HAPPY.  WHO CARES if she isn't stick thin?  She is enjoying her new mommy married life and is comfortable in her own skin.  When asked about her weight on "Watch What Happens Live" she responded with "screw em".  Its good she can come out and say that, but do people really think that it doesn't hurt her to hear people comment on her weight gain?  Of course it does!  I like that she isn't in the shadows hiding her figure, or starving herself to promote her new album.  Kelly, I hope right now you are reading those comments (or this) sitting in your bathtub that you have filled full of money, in your mansion laughing.  She is herself and if you don't like it don't fucking look at her, and DON'T hide behind your computer and talk shit either, cowards.

The "Dancing Man" is quite possibly one of the most heartbreaking stories I have read in a while.  This poor guy was out trying to have a good time when some asshole took a picture of him with a horrible caption

The caption states "Spotted this specimen trying to dance the other week.  He stopped when he saw us laughing."

WOW. Just WOW.  That picture is so telling, heartbreaking, and REAL.  In no way should this man feel ashamed of himself for going out and having a good time.  Nobody knows his story and NOBODY has the right to judge him.  What if he has a medical condition? What if he suffers from depression? The list can go on and on, but the main question is WHY THE FUCK IS IT ANYONES BUSINESS? Oh yeah IT ISN'T.  Rock on dude, I think you're awesome.

We need to stop.  We need to keep moving forward and make "fat-shaming" a thing of the past, just like so many things before it.

If someone puts you down, or makes you feel bad about yourself for whatever reason just remember this for every person that puts you down, for whatever reason, is only exposing THEIR insecurities.  No one that has a happy content and fulfilling life says mean things to other people for the fun of it.

almost got me!

Before I get into the debacle that is Kanye West I have to throw out my most memorable moments from last nights Grammys.  In no real order

AC/DC: I loved that all the youngins in the audience pretended to know who they were with bad dancing and "lip syncing".  When I say lip syncing I mean knowing the chorus.

Butler:  The Patriots player that made the interception heard around the world couldn't figure out when it was his time to talk, gave his teammate the stink eye, and then proceeded to give us his Mike Tyson impression...oh I'm being corrected that's his voice.  As a Patriots hater that moment gave me great satisfaction

John Mayer: He made an appearance onstage to remind us he still has an ugly singing face

Taylor Swift: I love 1989, its a great album, but PLEASE SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN TAYLOR

Madonna: Damn.  People can say what they want but shes still got it.  Sure she got winded a bit but she still sang live while dancing, that's something most new artists a fraction of her age rarely do.  And if people think her body is "gross" well then I hope I look that "gross" when I'm her age

Katy Perry:  Her introduction was beautiful and sent a powerful message about domestic violence, all while Chris Brown was sitting right there, and just a few feet from Rhianna.  Well played Grammys, well played, and WHY is he even still relevant?

That White Guy:  Thank GOD in addition to Kanye West, Rhianna is also giving that old white guy some spotlight, whats his name? McCarthy?

Pharrell:  PERFECT, but I miss the hat

Annie Lennox: AWESOME

Sam Smith and Mary J:  Great performance and I was glad they sang that song again, I hadn't heard it in 10 minutes

Bennett and Gaga: Their voices are perfect together

Tom Jones: Don't act like you weren't hoping Carlton would run onto that stage and lighten the mood up

Gwen Stefani: A flawless voice as always, gorgeous, and perfect hair every.single.time. HOW?

Sia: The feels Sia, the feels.  Just when you thought those performances couldn't get anymore emotional (just listen to the lyrics closely with the interpretive dance, you cold hearted weirdo!) Kristen Wiig comes out of nowhere and shuts us all down.  There was so much talent in that
performance it was like an 8X8 box of emotion

And then there was Kanye: Beck wins the huge sought after Album of the Year award stunning everyone who didn't even know he put out an album last year (so....everyone), beating out Beyonce.  Beck gets on stage, clutching his Grammy and then Kanye runs up implying he is going to recreate his infamous Taylor Swift VMA "I'mma let you finish", but runs back to his seat quickly, and we all laugh.  Sure he stole the spotlight but for a second I kind of liked him.  He actually had laughed and seemingly made fun of himself.  Turns out nope, he really was pissed Beyonce didn't win again.

Going as far to say:

"I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain't gonna play with them no more. And Beck needs to respect artistry and he should've given his award to Beyoncé. Because when you keep on diminishing art and not respecting the craft and smacking people in their face after they deliver monumental feats of music, you're disrespectful to inspiration," West continued. "And we as musicians have to inspire people who go to work every day, and they listen to that Beyoncé album and they feel like it takes them to another place."

Lets all take a moment to LOL. Oh Kanye, there is just so much to say about this statement.  First off I doubt a respectable mature "real" artist wouldn't throw a tantrum because they didn't win.  Second off who is "us"? It better not mean what I think it does, and Beck has been in the business way longer than you, and has done it all without these little publicity stunts.  And lastly, come one now, Kanye has had some hits yeah we all know them, but was he really talking about "real artists" and "respect" after he literally auto tuned his way through an entire Grammy performance?  Almost got me Kanye...almost

Like I said LOL

Oh yeah and Congrats Beck!

Photo: Kevin Winter/WireImage.com

Why you should always have coffee FIRST

It really frightens me when the day has already been eventful enough to write about.  It has been one of those mornings for sure.

I was about to run out of the door with my three children to get my oldest to school when he says "Ugh I have sand in my shoe" (from the park yesterday)
"OK just go ahead and dump it in-"
*sound of sand pouring out*
"What are you doing??"
"Dumping the sand in there"
"In the FLOOR VENT??"
"Yeah"
"WHY??"
"No one said I couldn't"
"I don't tell you on a daily basis you cant jump off a cliff but you know better than that right?"
"Well yeah, THAT I know"

In his defense we do live in a mansion where the trash can is an astounding 10 feet away from the scene of the crime.
Yeah awesome, maybe next time I have to turn on the heater I will close all the other vents and open his so all that sand goes flying into his room, then he might understand why he "cant" do that again.

OK fine whatever, into the car we go.

Driving down the street and a full size white Toyota Tundra 4X4 covered in a "graphix" company decal keeps drifting into my lane, enough to almost hit me twice.  Drunk driver, I wonder?  I finally get enough room to get ahead of her, and take the opportunity.  As I am passing her I see that a brunette woman has both hand OFF of the steering wheel so she can text or play on her phone or whatever.  She never looked up, and shortly after I saw her she proceeded to blow through an intersection on a red light (no accident thankfully).

Look I understand texting and driving or playing on your phone and driving, I really do.  I understand that there isn't an option on these so called "phones" to actually call people anymore, and that technology hasn't advanced enough to where you can talk to people through your speakers in your car.  I understand that if you don't update your Facebook status right away people wont think you are relevant anymore.  Most importantly I know that no one person is more important than sending out that text or updating your Facebook.  Just remember that when you end up killing someone, they don't have the internet in prison.  So if you don't care that you can kill someone with your car, just remember NO INTERNET *GASP* yeah I have your attention now huh?

Finally we make it back home, alive thankfully. 
Time to take the dog out
We walk to the "potty patch" and Rocko does his business that I promptly pick up and throw away.  While walking back to the house from the potty patch, Rocko decides he is not done.  To the side of the street he hunches over and pops out the tiniest piece of poop I have ever seen.  "Seriously?" I asked him.  I realize I am out of bags and start walking back to the potty patch to get a bag to pick up after him. 
I see a guy throw his truck in reverse as I start to walk TOWARDS the potty patch
"Ummm excuuuuuuse meee! Are you going to pick that up?"
No asshole, I'm not going to pick it up with my bare hands, although the thought did cross my mind to pick up this little piece of poop and throw it into his open window.
"Can I get a fucking bag first? Mind your own business!"
He drove away.
I'm going to find out where he lives and put a full bag of poop under his tire one day so that he will back up and not only will it be stuck all over his tire, but it will also explode onto his driveway.

"Geez Brittany, calm down!" you are thinking, I can hear you.

Just keep in mind that this all happened BEFORE I had my first cup of coffee. Yeah makes sense now doesn't it?

Some thoughts from Super Bowl 49 and the season

A few things from last night now that I'm sober:

1. Never throw the ball on anything less than 5 yards...especially when you have Lynch

2. Tom Brady still looked like an idiot even after he won

3. How the hell do people NOT know who Missy is?

4. Katy Perry showed me she would be a perfect employee at Hot Dog On A Stick....The more you know

5. Not even the commercials were good (what was with the "I cant do that I'm dead" kid? wtf?) Correction the Lindsay Lohan one was funny, and the glue one

I'm not a fan of either team (obviously) but my hatred runs deep for New England so its an understatement to say I was disappointed. 

The NFL has a lot to work on in the off season.  A LOT. 

Goodell needs to do a major overhaul on himself and I'm not sure why the owners even trust him to run the organization anymore.  He is not fit to run this league, and I feel like his relationships with some of the owners (*cough* Kraft *cough*) have potentially clouded his judgement.  Also his greediness to keep the NFL a money maker stooped him to a new low of hush hushing domestic violence and child abuse. 

Deflategate unsurprisingly went away days before the Super Bowl, and it will eventually be officially blamed on some nobody now that the Patriots won.  There is no way the NFL will admit, even if they did find evidence of cheating on the Patriots part, because they will catch way too much heat for allowing cheaters to play in and ultimately win the Super Bowl, the number one watched event on TV every year.  Thats sick.  The integrity of the game has been entirely compromised this year and it is very discouraging as a fan.

I'm not sad to see this football season end.  It was a bad one.  On to the next.

And I don't want to hear your "hater" comments, its obvious.

What is WRONG with the NFL?

Whether you like football or not, you have not been able to escape the disaster that is "Deflategate".  In fact, I'm pretty sure people off the grid have hear about it by now.  In case you haven't, you're weird, but I'll recap.  In the AFC Championship game the Patriots beat the Colts 45-7 and advanced to the Super Bowl.  By the end of the night it was announced through various media outlets that the Patriots were being investigated for having under inflated balls (brace yourselves, I'll be saying balls a lot).  After a preliminary investigation it was concluded that the Patriots and ONLY the Patriots had 11 of their 12 offensive balls under inflated, by as much as 2psi or more.  So why do we care so much?  We care because this isn't the first time the Patriots have been caught cheating, its the third,

The first time was back in 2002 in the Super Bowl against the St. Louis Rams.  They beat the Rams 20-17 by kicking a last minute field goal.  Not long after that game it was reported that the Patriots had filmed the Rams practice before the big game.  Even though it was investigated, and there was plenty of evidence, Goodell decided to destroy all evidence related to the incident, a movement that surprised even the players involved.  Marshall Faulk who played in that Super Bowl was quoted with saying "Am I over the loss? Yeah, I'm over the loss," Faulk told Tom Curran of CSNNE.com. “But I'll never be over being cheated out of the Super Bowl.

That's a different story. I can understand losing a Super Bowl, that's fine. But how things happened and what took place … Obviously, the commissioner gets to handle things how he wants to handle them, but if they wanted us to shut up about what happened, show us the tapes. Don't burn 'em.  I understand Bill is a great coach,” Faulk said. “But No. 13 [Kurt Warner] will tell you. Mike Martz will tell you. We had some plays in the red zone that we hadn’t ran. . . . And a couple of plays on third down that we walked through also . . . And they created a check for it. It’s just little things like that. It’s either the best coaching in the world when you come up with situations that you had never seen before. Or you’d seen it and knew what to do.”  Marshall kept quiet about his feelings regarding the Super Bowl until recently and coincidentally AFTER he was inducted into the Hall of Fame.  Kurt Warner has stayed silent, and I fully believe this is because he has yet to get one of those scary ass head statues.  It will be interesting if he ever addresses the way he felt about the loss.

The second time, and probably the most recognized was deemed Spygate in 2007.  The Patriots were caught video tape handed recording the New York Jets defensive signals.  With further investigation it was found that the Patriots had been doing it to many other teams for many years.  Goodell ordered that all tapes be handed over, where he again destroyed the tapes.  He also handed down a punishment that included the loss of a first-round draft pick, fining the team $250,000 and Bill Belicheat (sorry Belichick) $500,000.  Now you would think this would deter them from ever attempting something illegal in the game again, but alas it did not.

I believe the problem here is Tom Brady, and of course money.  The Patriots are major money makers and are of course one of the more wealthy teams.  They have a lot to lose with yet another cheating scandal.  That is why I believe they tried to settle our gains.  Just a few days ago both Belichick and Brady help separate press conferences,  Belichicks was first, and to no ones surprise he claimed to have no knowledge, and told reporters they would have to talk to Brady about how he likes his balls (stop laughing).  Did he throw Brady under the bus a bit?  Yeah I think so, but just when you thought this story couldn't get any worse, Brady took the podium.  You would think that someone involved in a MAJOR scandal just a little over a week away from the biggest sporting event of the year would be offended, outraged, confused, and hurt by such allegations (if they were innocent).  This was not the case, Brady seemed to have a permanent grin on his face, scoffing at questions, answering sarcastically, laughing, and even joking with a few reporters.  It made him look so much worse than he did initially.  

Why do I think he is guilty?  Well its simple, per the request of Peyton Manning way back in 2006, all quarterbacks are allowed to inspect and see their footballs before the game.  This is to ensure the balls are to their liking, but still within the rules of course.  Then there is the fact that only the Patriots balls were deflated.  Some people have tried to say that the cold weather caused the balls to deflate, but I'm pretty sure if that were the case all of the balls on the field would have been the same.  Then of course one of my favorite quotes from Brady at his presser was that he didn't feel a difference in the ball.  So here is a guy that has been gripping, tucking (oh yeah that rule), and throwing footballs for almost 15 years and he didn't notice a difference?  How dumb does he think we are?  Either he has been playing with under inflated balls his entire career or he thinks we are all a bunch of idiots that will fall for anything that comes out of his smug mouth.

What should the punishment be?  I'll tell you one thing, people don't want to see another stupid fine, we are out for blood this time and for good reason.  Why should they be tolerated?  Why is it OK that this happened in a championship game of all games?  When "Bountygate" came out, which was the New Orleans Saints having bounties on certain players, they were stripped of their head coach Sean Payton for an entire season even though he claimed to have no knowledge.  What did commissioner Rodger Goodell have to say about that?  "Ignorance is no excuse".  That needs to hold up in this case as well.  Everyone is playing dumb, nobody knows what happened, its like the football fairy came and deflated only the Patriots balls, and then vanished into thin air (damn you Tink!).  Its ridiculous to even try and defend them at this point, which plenty of Patriots fans are still doing.  These are repeat offenders and as fans its time to get the word out that we wont tolerate this shit anymore.  Do I think that the deflated balls made the Patriots win a slam dunk?  No not necessarily especially since the problem was reportedly corrected by halftime, BUT does it matter?  Cheating is cheating to me, no matter how small.  Saying this isn't a big deal is like your spouse saying they hooked up with someone but it didn't mean anything, IT COUNTS.  

I look forward to the Super Bowl every single year, I love it, but this year is different.  Its simple, I don't want to see a cheating team play, and I think a lot of people feel the same way.  They don't deserve to be there plain and simple.  Belichick doesn't deserve to be there either.  The NFL really needs to make an example out of this situation, because if it gets swept under the rug and they try to make it go away without any repercussions (kind of like they did with Ray Rice until TMZ got ahold of that video) they will most certainly lose credibility, and our faith that they are keeping our sacred game fair.