Monday, March 30, 2015

Having A Baby is Giving Birth, No Matter What

While browsing my Facebook this morning I encountered the above picture.  It was attached to a page that I will NOT be promoting. In fact I blanked out their logo as well.
Someone posted it on one of my mom groups, not in favor of it, but obviously out of shock.  At first glace, seeing a picture of a belly with a c-section scar makes me feel empowered.  It is a battle scar, a scar that serves as a reminder to me that I carried and gave life to all of my children through it.  I don't know anyone personally that has ever judged a person by their choice in giving birth.  Some people like to give birth in tubs, some at home, some outside (have you seen that new show?), some in a hospital, some with drugs, some without, etc.  Every woman has an ideal scenario of how they want to bring their children into the world, but sometimes it just isn't in the cards.  Sometimes things happen that are out of our control.

I was in labor with my first son for 16 hours, fully dilated, when he went into distress.  His heart rate dropped all the way to the 40's every time I tried to push.  The doctors really did try everything.  Different positions, clamps, suction, you name it, but at one point his heart rate wasn't recovering after I pushed.  It was at that time that I had an emergency c-section, so much of an emergency that I didn't have a chance to get the proper amount of drugs to numb the lower half of my body.  I remember the doctor pressing the scalpel on my thigh and asking if I could feel it, I replied with "yes" to which he replied "we don't have time, he needs to come out NOW" and with that I felt my stomach being cut open.  I remember feeling like I was outside of my body, I could hear myself scream in a way I had never heard before.  The staff was trying to calm me down, pushing meds into my IV.  I felt them plop my newborn in between my legs, I remember it being warm, and then I finally went numb, just in time to be sewn and stapled back together.  It was an experience unlike any other, and I for sure did not choose it.  However, it was necessary to save my son.

So I would like someone to tell me how I "got lucky" in having a c-section.  If that's luck then I'm not interested.  The bottom line is no matter how it is done, giving birth is a beautiful and special thing.  Not everyone has the opportunity either, so people should really watch their words.  One day women will stop judging and competing with each other and support and empower one another.  I look forward to that day.

In the meantime I say this, bringing a baby (or babies) into this world is a beautiful thing, and no one should ever be judged for the way they choose (or don't choose) to do so.  Be proud of your achievement, your body, your stretch marks, your scars, and so on.  I know I am

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Last First Moments

My daughter just had her 3rd birthday and the range of emotions I have been dealing with are insane.  There are times that I can't wait for her to grow up more (mostly out of the terrible 3's), and then other times I just want to freeze her in time.  Its a feeling that I had mildly with my boys, but it is worse this time because my daughter is my last baby.

Its really weird as a woman what goes through your head when you decide you are done having children.  In my case it wasn't really MY decision, it was more my body's decision.  I just had too many problems while pregnant to even entertain the idea of another baby.  I'm not even saying that I would have had anymore, but because the option for me isn't there, it made it that much harder.

I try not to spoil my daughter, but I admit she gets away with a lot...mostly everything.  She always gets an extra cookie because of the way she says "pretty pweeeese?", we rarely leave a store without SOMETHING "special", and she sneaks in our bed at night.  While it sucks and my husband and I wake up with sore backs (or her foot in his mouth, true story) I keep telling myself that I am never going to experience this age again.  I'm never going to have a little 3 year old whispering "Mommy, can I cuddle with you?" at 2AM again.  On top of that it is all going so fast.  I cant stand it, well most days, some days I'll be honest I wish she was an adult and out of the house.

I'm sure most women go through this eventually.  I mean at some point we stop having children (yes, even the Duggars).  Even if you are totally happy and comfortable with your decision to be done, a little piece of you melts when you see a tiny baby, or a pregnant woman and realize that wont be you again.  I had my kids young too, so a lot of my friends are just starting to have kids which ALSO doesn't help.  It really is like closing a huge chapter in your life.  When my doctor told me it wouldn't be wise and potentially dangerous to have anymore I broke down.  Like I said before, I wasn't necessarily planning on having anymore kids, but someone was telling me I couldn't, and anyone that knows me knows I am not very good with being told I cant do something.  I cried driving my husband to his vasectomy, I cried on the way home, the rest of the day, and off and on for months.  I felt like my body was officially worthless and useless.  My body was no longer going to do what it was built to do.  Yes I am lucky, I have 3 beautiful children, I know that and I'm not saying that any woman that cant have kids is less of a woman, this was just my personal feeling about myself.  In fact I tried to remind myself how lucky I was to have three beautiful healthy children, but my heart was still broken.

Every first milestone my daughter made, turned me into a slobbering blubbering mess.  To me they weren't firsts, they were lasts.  Last first moments, make sense?  Every stage so far has been as heartbreaking as the first.  Getting rid of her infant car seat, bottles, onesies, putting away her highchair, even buying her underwear (OK that was a little easier, so close to no more diapers).  While singing Happy Birthday to her recently, I got choked up.  My eyes welled up but I kept it together, and didn't let anyone see.  My last baby isn't such a baby anymore.  All I can do is helplessly try to embrace the good and even bad days, and soak up what is left of my kids being little.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

It's 2015 so WHY are we still doing THIS?

The world has come a long way in terms of acceptance.  Within the last 50 years a lot of things have changed.  Gay people are less afraid of coming out (including celebrities), gay marriage is recognized, we have a black president, medical marijuana is gaining more steam (or smoke if you prefer) in many states, major organizations are less forgiving of domestic violence, and the list goes on.  While all of those things are a great improvement in our way of living, there is one thing that seems to be constant no matter how much time passes, and that thing is "fat-shaming".

I'll never understand what kind of state of mind you have to have to treat anyone overweight like someone that is less human.  Is there really a difference in discriminating a person based on their weight, and discriminating someone based on the color of their skin?  I don't think so.  The whole "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt" saying is total bullshit.  Have you ever been called fat?  It fucking hurts.  It is just as derogatory as calling a gay person a "fag", or a black person the "n" word.  WHY is this OK?  WHY aren't more parents, teachers, etc. teaching kids that this isn't acceptable?  WHY isn't this talked about more and WHY isn't it more discouraged?

I wouldn't consider myself fat, but I definitely don't have my high school figure, thanks to giving birth to 3 kids, and not working out as much as I should, or eating what I should.  I've been called fat at my job (by angry people) a few times and it has never gotten easier to hear.  Every time it has been some super skinny chick that isn't getting her way, and when calling me a bitch doesn't work (thanks for the compliment), their next dagger of choice is weight.  It works too, it gets me to shut up, OR tell them to get the fuck out, and at that point they smile because they "got" me. 

"Fat-shaming" is almost always in the news, but the past few days it has been out there more.  The two main stories being Kelly Clarkson (try to NOT say that in Steve Carell's voice) and the "Dancing Man".  Kelly Clarkson got married and had a baby and is HAPPY.  WHO CARES if she isn't stick thin?  She is enjoying her new mommy married life and is comfortable in her own skin.  When asked about her weight on "Watch What Happens Live" she responded with "screw em".  Its good she can come out and say that, but do people really think that it doesn't hurt her to hear people comment on her weight gain?  Of course it does!  I like that she isn't in the shadows hiding her figure, or starving herself to promote her new album.  Kelly, I hope right now you are reading those comments (or this) sitting in your bathtub that you have filled full of money, in your mansion laughing.  She is herself and if you don't like it don't fucking look at her, and DON'T hide behind your computer and talk shit either, cowards.

The "Dancing Man" is quite possibly one of the most heartbreaking stories I have read in a while.  This poor guy was out trying to have a good time when some asshole took a picture of him with a horrible caption

The caption states "Spotted this specimen trying to dance the other week.  He stopped when he saw us laughing."

WOW. Just WOW.  That picture is so telling, heartbreaking, and REAL.  In no way should this man feel ashamed of himself for going out and having a good time.  Nobody knows his story and NOBODY has the right to judge him.  What if he has a medical condition? What if he suffers from depression? The list can go on and on, but the main question is WHY THE FUCK IS IT ANYONES BUSINESS? Oh yeah IT ISN'T.  Rock on dude, I think you're awesome.

We need to stop.  We need to keep moving forward and make "fat-shaming" a thing of the past, just like so many things before it.

If someone puts you down, or makes you feel bad about yourself for whatever reason just remember this for every person that puts you down, for whatever reason, is only exposing THEIR insecurities.  No one that has a happy content and fulfilling life says mean things to other people for the fun of it.