Monday, February 9, 2015

almost got me!

Before I get into the debacle that is Kanye West I have to throw out my most memorable moments from last nights Grammys.  In no real order

AC/DC: I loved that all the youngins in the audience pretended to know who they were with bad dancing and "lip syncing".  When I say lip syncing I mean knowing the chorus.

Butler:  The Patriots player that made the interception heard around the world couldn't figure out when it was his time to talk, gave his teammate the stink eye, and then proceeded to give us his Mike Tyson impression...oh I'm being corrected that's his voice.  As a Patriots hater that moment gave me great satisfaction

John Mayer: He made an appearance onstage to remind us he still has an ugly singing face

Taylor Swift: I love 1989, its a great album, but PLEASE SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN TAYLOR

Madonna: Damn.  People can say what they want but shes still got it.  Sure she got winded a bit but she still sang live while dancing, that's something most new artists a fraction of her age rarely do.  And if people think her body is "gross" well then I hope I look that "gross" when I'm her age

Katy Perry:  Her introduction was beautiful and sent a powerful message about domestic violence, all while Chris Brown was sitting right there, and just a few feet from Rhianna.  Well played Grammys, well played, and WHY is he even still relevant?

That White Guy:  Thank GOD in addition to Kanye West, Rhianna is also giving that old white guy some spotlight, whats his name? McCarthy?

Pharrell:  PERFECT, but I miss the hat

Annie Lennox: AWESOME

Sam Smith and Mary J:  Great performance and I was glad they sang that song again, I hadn't heard it in 10 minutes

Bennett and Gaga: Their voices are perfect together

Tom Jones: Don't act like you weren't hoping Carlton would run onto that stage and lighten the mood up

Gwen Stefani: A flawless voice as always, gorgeous, and perfect hair every.single.time. HOW?

Sia: The feels Sia, the feels.  Just when you thought those performances couldn't get anymore emotional (just listen to the lyrics closely with the interpretive dance, you cold hearted weirdo!) Kristen Wiig comes out of nowhere and shuts us all down.  There was so much talent in that
performance it was like an 8X8 box of emotion

And then there was Kanye: Beck wins the huge sought after Album of the Year award stunning everyone who didn't even know he put out an album last year (so....everyone), beating out Beyonce.  Beck gets on stage, clutching his Grammy and then Kanye runs up implying he is going to recreate his infamous Taylor Swift VMA "I'mma let you finish", but runs back to his seat quickly, and we all laugh.  Sure he stole the spotlight but for a second I kind of liked him.  He actually had laughed and seemingly made fun of himself.  Turns out nope, he really was pissed Beyonce didn't win again.

Going as far to say:

"I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain't gonna play with them no more. And Beck needs to respect artistry and he should've given his award to Beyoncé. Because when you keep on diminishing art and not respecting the craft and smacking people in their face after they deliver monumental feats of music, you're disrespectful to inspiration," West continued. "And we as musicians have to inspire people who go to work every day, and they listen to that Beyoncé album and they feel like it takes them to another place."

Lets all take a moment to LOL. Oh Kanye, there is just so much to say about this statement.  First off I doubt a respectable mature "real" artist wouldn't throw a tantrum because they didn't win.  Second off who is "us"? It better not mean what I think it does, and Beck has been in the business way longer than you, and has done it all without these little publicity stunts.  And lastly, come one now, Kanye has had some hits yeah we all know them, but was he really talking about "real artists" and "respect" after he literally auto tuned his way through an entire Grammy performance?  Almost got me Kanye...almost

Like I said LOL

Oh yeah and Congrats Beck!
Photo: Kevin Winter/

Friday, February 6, 2015

Why you should always have coffee FIRST

It really frightens me when the day has already been eventful enough to write about.  It has been one of those mornings for sure.

I was about to run out of the door with my three children to get my oldest to school when he says "Ugh I have sand in my shoe" (from the park yesterday)
"OK just go ahead and dump it in-"
*sound of sand pouring out*
"What are you doing??"
"Dumping the sand in there"
"In the FLOOR VENT??"
"No one said I couldn't"
"I don't tell you on a daily basis you cant jump off a cliff but you know better than that right?"
"Well yeah, THAT I know"

In his defense we do live in a mansion where the trash can is an astounding 10 feet away from the scene of the crime.
Yeah awesome, maybe next time I have to turn on the heater I will close all the other vents and open his so all that sand goes flying into his room, then he might understand why he "cant" do that again.

OK fine whatever, into the car we go.

Driving down the street and a full size white Toyota Tundra 4X4 covered in a "graphix" company decal keeps drifting into my lane, enough to almost hit me twice.  Drunk driver, I wonder?  I finally get enough room to get ahead of her, and take the opportunity.  As I am passing her I see that a brunette woman has both hand OFF of the steering wheel so she can text or play on her phone or whatever.  She never looked up, and shortly after I saw her she proceeded to blow through an intersection on a red light (no accident thankfully).

Look I understand texting and driving or playing on your phone and driving, I really do.  I understand that there isn't an option on these so called "phones" to actually call people anymore, and that technology hasn't advanced enough to where you can talk to people through your speakers in your car.  I understand that if you don't update your Facebook status right away people wont think you are relevant anymore.  Most importantly I know that no one person is more important than sending out that text or updating your Facebook.  Just remember that when you end up killing someone, they don't have the internet in prison.  So if you don't care that you can kill someone with your car, just remember NO INTERNET *GASP* yeah I have your attention now huh?

Finally we make it back home, alive thankfully. 
Time to take the dog out
We walk to the "potty patch" and Rocko does his business that I promptly pick up and throw away.  While walking back to the house from the potty patch, Rocko decides he is not done.  To the side of the street he hunches over and pops out the tiniest piece of poop I have ever seen.  "Seriously?" I asked him.  I realize I am out of bags and start walking back to the potty patch to get a bag to pick up after him. 
I see a guy throw his truck in reverse as I start to walk TOWARDS the potty patch
"Ummm excuuuuuuse meee! Are you going to pick that up?"
No asshole, I'm not going to pick it up with my bare hands, although the thought did cross my mind to pick up this little piece of poop and throw it into his open window.
"Can I get a fucking bag first? Mind your own business!"
He drove away.
I'm going to find out where he lives and put a full bag of poop under his tire one day so that he will back up and not only will it be stuck all over his tire, but it will also explode onto his driveway.

"Geez Brittany, calm down!" you are thinking, I can hear you.

Just keep in mind that this all happened BEFORE I had my first cup of coffee. Yeah makes sense now doesn't it?

Monday, February 2, 2015

Some thoughts from Super Bowl 49 and the season

A few things from last night now that I'm sober:

1. Never throw the ball on anything less than 5 yards...especially when you have Lynch

2. Tom Brady still looked like an idiot even after he won

3. How the hell do people NOT know who Missy is?

4. Katy Perry showed me she would be a perfect employee at Hot Dog On A Stick....The more you know

5. Not even the commercials were good (what was with the "I cant do that I'm dead" kid? wtf?) Correction the Lindsay Lohan one was funny, and the glue one

I'm not a fan of either team (obviously) but my hatred runs deep for New England so its an understatement to say I was disappointed. 

The NFL has a lot to work on in the off season.  A LOT. 

Goodell needs to do a major overhaul on himself and I'm not sure why the owners even trust him to run the organization anymore.  He is not fit to run this league, and I feel like his relationships with some of the owners (*cough* Kraft *cough*) have potentially clouded his judgement.  Also his greediness to keep the NFL a money maker stooped him to a new low of hush hushing domestic violence and child abuse. 

Deflategate unsurprisingly went away days before the Super Bowl, and it will eventually be officially blamed on some nobody now that the Patriots won.  There is no way the NFL will admit, even if they did find evidence of cheating on the Patriots part, because they will catch way too much heat for allowing cheaters to play in and ultimately win the Super Bowl, the number one watched event on TV every year.  Thats sick.  The integrity of the game has been entirely compromised this year and it is very discouraging as a fan.

I'm not sad to see this football season end.  It was a bad one.  On to the next.

And I don't want to hear your "hater" comments, its obvious.