Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Put your hands down, go home, and change your shirt protesters

Lately the subject of cops and brutality/excessive force have been in the news a lot.  We have all seen the news clips of people ransacking their towns, setting cars and buildings on fire, stopping freeways, and laying in the middle of the street.  Some people protest in a non violent silent way, and some people are nothing short of wild animals.  Seeing a new demonstration every day made me really wonder if half these people even know what the hell they are doing, and if they really feel that the way they are doing it is going to change ANYTHING?  I answered my own question by honestly believing that no, most of them probably are jumping on a bandwagon faster than new Seahawk "fans" after their Super Bowl win last year.

The claims of police brutality and excessive force is nothing new.  However, it was thrown front line and center into the news after the appalling "witness" accounts of the death of Michael Brown.  Initial reports from "witnesses" claimed that a young black man was confronted by a white police officer, promptly put his hands up and without warrant was shot in the back multiple times while his hands were in the air.  OK fine, these were people who actually witnessed the event right?  So they MUST be telling the truth, right?  Based on their accounts, and policy of reviewing every officer involved shooting, and investigation was launched.  Finally, many months after the event, it was announced that the officer involved in the shooting, Darren Wilson, would not face murder charges.  This of course set people and the town (literally) on fire.  People started ransacking their OWN community like a bunch of idiots.  Robbing their own stores, setting their own buildings on fire, shooting into the air, screaming and yelling that black peoples lives don't matter.  Was that the truth?  In this case NOPE

Backing up a little if these people had dared to stop and listen to the FACTS they would have realized that this poor innocent guy, had just robbed a liquor store, been violent with the store owner, was then confronted by Officer Wilson, and then decided to attack the Officer in his car.  This chain of events is based on FACTS, video proof, autopsy proof, audio proof, ballistics proof, gun residue proof, etc.  Did that matter? NOPE.  What was the one FACT that these people needed to run around like animals?  The suspect was black and the cop was white. Period. End of story.

Do I agree that excessive force is used by cops sometimes? YES.  Do I believe that some cops may abuse their power sometimes? YES. Do I think that black people are profiled sometimes? YES.  Do I believe that in this situation protesters chose to ignore the facts and focus on race? YEP.  Do I believe that some of those same protesters had heard the evidence, knew he wasn't going to be indited, and showed up just to cause panic and get some free shit? YEP SURE DO, and you should believe that too.  Stop and think what would have happened had he been indited, or if he was EXPECTED to be indited.  Would all of those news vans been there?  Would there have been hundred of people waiting?  NOPE.  These people KNEW Michael Brown was in the wrong and chose to ignore it so they could have some fun, plain and simple.  His death was used as nothing more than an excuse to act like a bunch of assholes, and most of us fell for it by being glued to our TVs, because even WE knew that they were going to lose their minds, when the right decision was announced.  That is the power of the media.

I will say this, I'm tired of police getting a bad rap, I really am.  These people CHOOSE to go out there everyday, all day, on holidays, in turn missing their kids birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, etc. to protect us, and respond to your occasional bullshit calls.  When did we stop viewing police officers as people?  People that have families, and kids just like you?  People that watch Walking Dead and football, just like you?  People that play tea party, watch cartoons, and tuck their children into bed, just like you?  For people who "hate the police" maybe you should shut up and take a step back.  Shame on you for ridiculing them for doing a job you know nothing about, and don't have the balls to do yourself.  Stop doing stupid shit and you wont get arrested anymore, or pulled over, or searched, or whatever.  You don't like the police?  Fine, don't, but shut up and go home.  WE DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

And for the record, looting, setting things on fire, stopping traffic on freeways, lying in the middle of streets, coming out of the inflatable NFL tunnel with your hands up, and wearing T-Shirts, is not going to stop an officer from shooting someone threatening his chances of going home to his family.  So put your hands down, go home, and change your shirt already

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

My kids said "Mommy" 67 times yesterday

There always seems to be a competition among mothers that stay home versus moms that go to work.  Who does more, whats harder, whats better for the kids, blah blah blah.  This isn't about that, this is for the people who wonder just what stay at home moms do (when we aren't watching soaps and vegging out on the couch....of course).

I tell my husband every day that i swear I hear "mommy" over 100 times a day, and also feel that I repeat myself constantly.  I am also bombarded with strange questions that I'm not even sure how to answer, on top of multiple daily meltdowns.  I thought it would be interesting to see just how often my kids said the same thing, how often I said the same thing, and just what my day is really like, so I kept a log.  I didn't log the happy stuff, because, well that's just not as fun!

While I'm not going to sit here and write about every minute of my day, I thought the results of my log would be enjoyable to others, so here you go. 

Between my 3 kids the amount of times they said the following:

"Can we have a snack?: 15
"I'm thirsty": 7
"I want chocolate": 4
"I don't want that snack": 4 (see above for answer)
"I need help": 11
"NO! I GOT IT!": 6
"I'm trying!": 5
"What are we having for lunch?":4
"When are we having lunch?": 4
"When are we having dinner?": 5
"Whats for dinner?: 7
"Stop it!": 13
"Mine!": 15
"I don't want to share!": 11
"Gimme that!": 6
"I don't want to!": 6

I was also asked if the rain is the way people who live in the forest shower, and if I have ever heard of a singer named Weird Owl

Now this is the number of times I said the following:

"What/Yeah?": 67
"Don't touch the tree!":17
"Will you stop?": 10
"Enough": 7
"Stop": 14
"No": 22
"Be Nice": 14
"Guys please I'm on the phone": 4
"Stop screaming": 16
"Share": 11
"I said share": 11
"Don't go in my room": 3
"Get out of my room": 3
"Its not lunch time": 4
"Don't stand on that":3
"Pick up the Legos": 7
"I said pick up the Legos": 7
"Sit down": 13
"Don't run": 8
"Leave him alone": 6
"Leave her alone": 9
"Don't touch that": 8
"Get that out of your mouth": 5

Oh and there were also a total of 4 throw myself on the ground, slam my door, "Its not fair", screaming, crying tantrums.

5 if you count me

So if anyone ever asks you what you do all day, you can share this or keep your own log and watch their reaction


Saturday, November 29, 2014

Shut Up Shia LaBeouf

In what seems like a never ending attempt to garner attention, Shia LaBeouf has done it yet again.  First it was his alcoholic outbursts and fights, then his infamous "I'm Not Famous Anymore" paper bag accessory, and now most recently his allegations of being raped at his "art" exhibit.

The story he gives is that during his "art" exhibit #IAMSORRY, where he sat in complete silence, a fan approached him and had her way with him, essentially "raping" him.  I put this in quotations because it is yet another sick cry for attention.  Anyone who has heard his allegations should be outraged.  Rape is not anything to joke about  or even imply when it is obvious in his case it was a choice.  If I am correct I remember him saying before the exhibit that nothing was off limits.  There was absolutely nothing that was stopping him from pushing that girl away.  He chose to stay motionless and silent.  So essentially he allowed himself to be taken advantage of for art?  Are we really supposed to believe someone that has done nothing but beg for our sympathy and attention, was raped in such a way?  What if someone would have come in with a gun and threatened to shoot him, would he still have sat silently?  Or what if someone had come in and stabbed him, would he have sat there quietly and took it?

Rape happens all over the world every single day to both males and females.  I'm not saying it isn't possible for a man to be raped, but I am saying preventing this from happening was entirely possible. I think he should meet with some victims of rape and understand exactly what it entails.  I can guarantee you that any person that has been through it would thoroughly disagree with his allegations and with what is really considered rape.  I don't feel bad for Shia, and I really think he needs to shut his big fat self-proclaimed "non-famous" mouth.  Or better yet now that he is speaking again, he should issue an apology to those that rape has truly affected. Why have most people had no problem believing his ludicrous story, but have questioned every single rape victim that has come forward regarding Bill Cosby?  These women in some cases were drugged and taken advantage of, and in many other cases Bill Cosby tried to use his star power to pressure these women into doing what he wanted by implying it would help their career.  However, many people believe they are lying.  Why?  Oh that's right, because he is Bill Cosby and he can do no wrong, and these women must have been asking for it, right? Ridiculous

You may not agree with me and that's fine.  BUT before you get outraged, ask yourself, when was the last time I heard about Shia LaBeouf before this?  Has he been a media hound lately?  What did he gain from releasing this information?  Is he doing anything for to help rape victims?  If he did this for awareness to the issue of rape, what are his plans going forward?  Did this throw him back into the spotlight?  Did it get people talking? If you're reading this then you answered the last question for yourself.

I think we have given Shia too much attention for far too long.  Shia its time to stop.  Its time to shut up.  It's time to drop the act and go back to making shitty movies

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The Away Game

It is no secret to those who are close to me what a giant St. Louis Rams fan I am.  I'm not just a fan, during football season I can be a little obsessive.  I have Directv's Sunday Ticket so I can watch every game, I yell at the T.V., I swear, I have cried, and every now and then I get to celebrate a win.  I get the question a lot "Why are you a Rams fan? You live in CA." Yeah duh I know.  You want to know how it came about? Fine, here is the story for the millionth time.  During the Rams/Titans Superbowl my family and I were at a Superbowl party.  One of the traditions is a betting pool.  I had some money with me and wanted to play.  My mom told me no, that gambling was bad and I should hold on to my money (I was 11).  I insisted, of course, and my mom finally caved and said "Fine, but you're going to lose all of your money."  Well I didn't, in fact I won the entire pool because the Rams won the Superbowl that year.  Ever since then they became my team.  Call me a bandwagon jumper if you want, but I have stuck by them ever since and, well, they don't have much of a bandwagon anymore.

I am now 29 years old and as much of a football fan as I am, I had never been to an NFL game.  It was announced earlier this year that he Rams were going to play the Chargers in San Diego and of course I HAD TO GO.  I was graciously gifted a pair of tickets by my father and had been counting down the days until November 23rd.  The closer it got the more excited I became.  This was on my bucket list after all.

Finally the day came, Sunday November 23, 2014.  I was like a kid on Christmas the closer we got to the stadium.  Before we got off the trolley my husband pulled me aside and pleaded with me to behave myself.  I am known to have a mouth on me, especially when it comes to football.  I don't do well being teased about my team "sucking" and I really hate getting shit over being a Rams fan, the last 10 years haven't been easy.  I understood his concerns, but I already knew I was going to have to keep my mouth shut.  I was in another teams territory and knew if I ran my mouth it would be a fight I would lose.  I went into that stadium with respect for the Chargers and their fans, I was in their home.

There is currently some speculation over whether or not the Rams are going to come back home to LA.  Many fans became fans while they were in Los Angeles, and are hoping they come back.  That being said there were a massive amount of Rams fans in attendance (20,000+ of the 60,000 there).  The stadium was beautiful, and so much smaller than I thought it would be.  It looks so intimidating on T.V. but they really aren't as massive as they look, still exciting though. I was hoping I would be close to some other fans, but of course I was surrounded by Chargers fans.  Fine I thought, as long as I keep to myself I'll be fine.  I even took a nice picture of a Chargers couple with the field in the background for them.

The game got off to a great start for me, I mean the Rams.  The Chargers fans around me weren't happy about it either.  I was cheering when it was warranted but still keeping to myself.  I wasn't rubbing anything in their faces (even though I wanted to).  Things were pretty good up until the half, but the longer the game goes on the more people drink.  My husband and I only had one beer each (because we a re cheap and they were $9 a piece).  The second half kicked off and things were definitely going in favor of the Chargers.  For some reason a guy sitting in the row below me decided to start trying to get a rise out of me (we can call him V30 Row 10 seat 13 or V301013 for short?).

The Chargers scored a touchdown and V301013 put his hand in my face like he wanted a high five, I sarcastically smiled and tried to ignore him.  Then the Chargers did something else cheer worthy and he did it again.  This time I gave him the cut it out sign, and said "stop".  This angered him.  "Oh I cant cheer for my team huh? You want to talk shit all game but I cant cheer?"  I looked at him pretty puzzled and said "Dude I haven't talked any shit, and I don't care if you cheer just don't put your hand in my face." "Fuck you and your shitty ass team" he said.  OK, this is where it took a lot for me to keep my mouth shut.  My husband looked over at me in fear, because he could see how pissed I was.  As much as I wanted to launch into him, I took the always unfulfilling high road and ignored him.  That pissed him off even more.  For the next 10-15 minutes 40-50 something year old V301013 was turned around still talking shit, and I was silently (but shaking) watching the game.  Finally neither my husband or myself could take it anymore and my husband said "Dude why are you still talking shit to my wife? We are all here to watch the game, so turn around and watch the damn game!"

After the loss
V301013 was satisfied he had gotten a reaction and continued being a giant douche.  He slowly started getting the rest of the section to turn on us as well, even though we hadn't said anything else.  About 4 rows were yelling obscenities at us, telling us to leave, and doing everything short of becoming physical with us.  I'm sure their intention was to get one of us to snap, but it didn't happen.  With a few minutes left in the game we went to a different part of the stadium and watched the Rams receive a heartbreaking loss.  It was an incredibly close game though, but I have to say it doesn't help when the refs are up your teams ass and call back a few touchdowns.

With all of that being said, there is something I would like to add for anyone that wants to antagonize a visiting teams fans.  Listen those who come into your stadium know its your home.  They know you are going to defend your team and your turf.  However what you need to realize is that these people are also SUPPORTING your team.  The buy tickets to YOUR stadium, the pay to park at YOUR stadium, the buy food from YOUR stadium, they buy $13 burgers from YOUR stadium, they spend $9 for a beer at YOUR stadium, which in the end means THEY help pay for YOUR stadium and YOUR players salaries.  I'm sure that some fans get rowdy and cocky and talk shit, and to those fans have at em.  Defend your turf, but to those who are keeping to themselves and cheering on their team leave them alone.  Let them enjoy themselves.  Don't be V301013.  If you must tease, do it in a fun manner, make it fun for everyone.  Don't be a douche, again just don't be V301013.

Overall even with Mr. V301013 trying to ruin my experience, I had the absolute time of my life.  It was one of the best days of my life being able to be there.  I am so thankful for being able to experience it and will never forget a second of it.  I hope the Rams come home to Los Angeles so I can see more games, but even if that was the only one I ever see I'll still be happy. 


Oh and screw you Section V30 Row 10 Seat 13

Sunday, November 2, 2014

My kid got addicted to meth from the Breaking Bad action figures...said no parent ever

We all heard not too long ago about Breaking Bad action figures making it on to Toys R Us shelves. Shortly after we also heard about one Florida mother that was so disgraced about it, she started a petition (and received a whopping 9,000 signatures) to get them removed. I get it, the show was about a drug dealer and the action figure does come with a bag of money and a fake baggie of meth, BUT this was never advertised towards children, and its not like the show was on the Disney Channel. Instead of starting a petition wouldn't it just be easier to NOT buy it for your kid? Do people realize that it's not just kids that but action figures?  I mean I'm 29 years old and I just bought a Rick Grimes action figure. I thought it was funny how appalled this woman was. Think of all the other things they sell at Toys R Us. Violent video games, fake weapons, barbie dolls (that promotes an oh so great body image), and the list goes on. This isn't about the toys out there though.  This is about the parents and the people who need to stop complaining just to complain.  

If you sit back and try to rationalize this just for a second, you will really see how ridiculous it all is.  Lets think about why this Florida mom was upset.  Was she upset about the figure being sold because of the content of the show, because of what the figure came with, or both?  OK so all we really know is that she didn't like it being sold at a toy store.  The "toys" in question were obviously targeted at the fans of the show and not kids.  My questions is did her kid(s) point it out and say "Hey! That's Heisenberg!" or "Hey! That's Pinkman!" yeah I doubt it but there is the possibility that a kid could grab it run to their mom and say "mommy can I get this?  pleeeease? pleeeeease?"  Now brace yourselves because I'm about to share with you one of my biggest secrets as a mother myself.  If your child asks for something that you feel is inappropriate, or something you don't agree with, just say this magical word.  Ready?  NO.  That's right!  You being the parent gives you the right to keep your kids from anything you feel is bad or wrong.  Isn't it crazy?  Need examples?

"Mom, can we get a Happy Meal tonight?"
"Mom, can we get a puppy?"
"Mom, can we live at Disneyland?"

Oh and hey it works for Dads too! Need examples?

"Dad, can I kick my ball by your car?"
"Dad, can I change the channel?"

"Dad, can I have candy before breakfast?"
"NO" (well you're supposed to say no)

It works for "toys" too

"Mom, Dad, can I get this action figure with fake meth and a dufflebag of cash?"  Ready?

Now, maybe there is a legitimate reason this mom and 8,999 other people were so worried about this action figure.  I mean, we should really look into the amount of kids that have turned into meth heads because they got their hands on a Breaking Bad action figure.  Oh that's right, it probably doesn't exist.  I would say this is about as dangerous to our youth as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figure that shoots steaming hot pizza.  Why isn't anyone worried about kids grabbing steaming hot pizzas and throwing them at people?  That could cause third degree burns!  Have you ever burned the roof of your mouth from pizza?  Now imagine that all over your face.  You may laugh, but that would be way more realistic than your kid becoming addicted to meth because of an action figure they saw at Toys R Us.  At the end of the day all that Florida mom did was make these incredibly more sought after, more intriguing, and not to mention skyrocket in value.  I know I loved the show, but I hadn't even heard of them until this mom cried about it (now I have two, thanks!).  Surely there is more going on in this world than the non effect this will have on our children. So please lets go back to worrying about REAL issues affecting our kids like starving children, childhood cancer, child abuse, and the releases of "rehabilitated" sex offenders. 

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Pressure of Giving Birth

I got pregnant with my first baby when I was 19 years old. Other than the knowledge that I wasn't supposed to drink or smoke, I had no idea what I was doing. I had never heard of a birth plan or even thought about how the baby was going to come. When I went into labor a little before 36 weeks I was given shots to stop the labor, the doctors told me they wanted the baby to stay in as long as possible (even though I selfishly was ready for him to be out). Finally at 36 weeks exactly I went into labor (again) and they didn't stop it. 

The only thing I knew for sure was I wanted an epidural, and I wanted it ASAP.  After 16 hours of labor, I had finally fully dilated and was ready to get the baby out. The nurses would wait for a contraction to show up on the monitor and tell me when to push. With my chin burying into my chest I would push every minute or so. After about 10 minutes alarms started going off and I was told to stop pushing. They had me lay on my sides, they would push on my belly and even shake it at times. When I asked what was going on they told me that the baby wasn't handling the labor well and was in distress. They then told me I was going to need a c-section.   By the time I got into the OR they told me they had to get the baby out right away, meaning there was no time to numb me more.  I remember the doctor pressing the scalpel to my thigh and asking if I could feel it, I said yes but he said there was no time.  I was cut hip to hip, and felt a very good portion of it.  It was the most terrifying and painful event I have endured thus far in my life. 

Like I said before I had no idea what I was doing or what I wanted. All I knew at that point was I was scared and young and trusted that what I was being told was the only way to go. I never felt there were more options. I had no idea that all of my future deliveries would be decided by this one moment. They got him out and he was safe, small, but safe. He stayed in the NICU for a while because of his size, but ended up being just fine

I got pregnant with my second baby 4 years later and had heard a lot about VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). After doing all of my research I had come to the conclusion that I was a perfect candidate to attempt it and was eager to do it. When I told my doctor about my plan I was flat out told "no". I was told that in order to have a VBAC the hospital would have to approve and that the doctor would have to be available 24 hours to monitor my labor. That was something she told me simply wasn't possible due to the amount of patients she had.   I was devastated.  She also scared me by telling me how dangerous it was.  I looked into doctors in the area that supported VBACs and there was one, yes ONE.  

I wasn't educated enough to look into doulas and midwives, let alone meet with one.  I had been with my doctor since I was 16 and was afraid to jump ship to another one.  I didn't think that she would lie to me when it came to the way I wanted to give birth.  I am now done having children and ended up with 3 cesareans.  I dont know if it is my age, or that times have just simply changed since I had my first baby but VBACs are everywhere now.  I see success stories so often and while I am happy for those women I am incredibly jealous.  Its hard to watch someone do what you wanted to do so badly.  In a way I feel I was robbed of giving birth.

Sometimes women don't have a choice when it comes to a c-section, but in my case it came down to the fact that with my second my doctor just didn't have time for me.  Plus what she told me was not completely the truth.  While yes there is a risk with a uterine rupture in a VBAC (1%) I was more likely to die on the operating table with a repeat c-section (3%).  Giving birth no matter how it is done is a beautiful thing and an accomplishment.  In the end I ended up with three beautiful children that I grew inside of my body, and I do feel very lucky to have been able to do that, but there is a part of me that wishes I would have fought harder to give birth the way I wanted.  Do I feel like less of a woman?  No, and I don't think anyone who has had to have repeat c-sections should feel that way.  The only thing I feel is that I didn't get to experience something I was so close to doing, and wanted so bad.

If you have had a c-section and don't want to go through it again, do your research.  If your doctor doesn't support you, look into another one, or even a doula or midwife.  Don't give up!  If you are fine with having repeat c-sections then awesome, some people prefer it and that's just fine.  Fight for yourself and your baby, don't let anyone tell you, you cant do something with YOUR body (unless it is medically necessary of course).  It doesn't matter if you are 19 or 40 explore all of your options, and make the best decision for YOU.  Don't be pressured into another c-section (or a first) because your doctor wants to make their tee time, or has to catch a plane.  You should be the only thing that matters to your doctor, and if you aren't, then its time to find someone else

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The 5 Types of Pick-Up and Drop-Off Parents

If you have school age children then you know the struggle of your morning.  Getting up before you want to, making breakfast for cranky children that always includes at least one "I didn't want THAT for breakfast!", fighting to get everyone dressed, trying to find matching shoes in a hurry (where DO they go??) and the inevitable fight over who is going to get in the car first.  Most of this is done before you get to enjoy your first cup of coffee, unless you want to get up even earlier than you didn't want to in the first place.  However, by the time you enter the 1 mile radius to the school everything else looks like a piece of cake, because parents trying to drop their kids off at school are a million times worse than your cranky children in the morning.

There are several types of morning drop off parents, I'll break them down and then you can decide which category you fit into

1. The Wow its a Beautiful Morning Parent:  These parents are rare and few and far between.  This is a parent that woke up on the best part of the bed and has had an amazing morning that they want to share with everyone.  Their children were probably unusually behaved, ate their breakfast quietly, got dressed without hassle, and were ready to go before the parent was.  In the drop off this parent will willingly wave you ahead of them in line, smiling as they do it, wave to the crossing guard, and even use their turn signals.  Like I said RARE

2.  The Zombie Parent:  This parent is just going through the motions of the morning routine.  Kids act the same way every single day, they aren't particularly having a good or a bad morning, just a normal to them morning.  They are alert enough to get their kids safely to school, but are oblivious to your turn signals.  They either don't drink coffee, or don't get up early enough to enjoy it.

3. The Screw This Morning Parent:  This parent usually has most things under control in the mornings but is having an unusual start to the day.  Either the alarm clock didn't go off, one of the kids spilled an entire gallon of milk on the floor, the toaster burned all the toast, or the coffee machine just broke.  This parent doesn't do well without structure and is completely frazzled.  At least one child is probably wearing two different socks.  This parent will give you the "please just let me in!!" look, will try to use their signal until finally giving up and having to pull out in front of someone, and is most likely to roll down the window, wave and scream "YOU'RE WELCOME!!" to someone they were nice enough to let in, but was not thanked or even acknowledged

4.  The Hey We Made It On Time Today! Parent:  This parent likes to sleep in and has absolutely no expectations of getting to school before the final warning bell rings.  This parent rushes everyone through breakfast, has everyones clothes out and lunches made the night before, and a timer on their coffee pot just so they can get those 10 extra minutes of sleep.  If they happen to get to school while other people are still dropping their kids off they are pretty relaxed.  They don't use their signals (mostly because there is hardly anyone around), they take their time saying goodbye to their kids, and will sit and drink their coffee while watching their kids walk into the school until they are no longer visible.  They are a very controlled chaotic drop off parent.

5.  The I'm Way More Important Than You Parent:  This parent is always just an asshole.  Even though they get up with more than enough time to have their coffee, get dressed and probably put make up on,  their children always listen to them, and are out the door at the exact same time every single day, their social skills are lacking.  This parent weaves in and out of traffic, pretends not to see your turn signal (or you), speeds around you to get that spot you were eyeing (every day), pulls out in front of anyone at any time, NEVER EVER uses a turn signal, and is usually your school year enemy.  They can sense a #3 parent and prey on them, and are usually the type a #3 parent has to roll down the window and yell at, in the event they even waited to be invited to be let in.

I'll admit I have been all of these drop off parents.  Sometimes I am more one than another, but at some point we are all of them.  Try and remember we are all there for the same reason, and most of us don't want to be there, so next time maybe let that parent with the signal on in with a smile and a wave.

Monday, October 6, 2014

The Dog Collar

I don't care who you are, if you are in a relationship you have fights.  If you say you don't, you're lying, and if you REALLY don't well then you're just a freak.  I'm not one to ever really air my "dirty laundry" but in this case it was far too relateable not to share.

We recently moved from one unit to another.  It was stressful trying to pack and move with 3 kids, work, and a time limit even though we literally moved about 100 feet.  We did everything in such a hurry that things were thrown in boxes, not labeled and put wherever they would fit in the new place.  That was 2 months ago.

Lately I have found myself looking for things, like lots of things, and can't find them anywhere.  My husband and I organize VERY differently.  My organization may look messy to others but I know where all of my stuff is.  My husband on the other hand can't stand clutter, and therefore we clash when it comes to the way we organize the house.  About a week ago I noticed ALL of my hoodies were missing.  My husband said they were probably in the storage shed outside and he would look the next day.  A week went by, still no hoodies.  Then last night I needed our new dog collar (that I bought before we moved) and asked him where it was, same answer probably outside in the shed.  For whatever reason this set off an argument (which I started).  I asked when exactly he was going to go out there and start getting our stuff out.  OK I know what you're thinking, why don't I just go out to the damn shed and get it myself?  Funny you ask that because my husband asked the same thing.  The reason?  I don't do bugs, more like spiders.  I'm insanely afraid of them, and swear no matter what there is constantly one lurking just waiting for me.

This somehow turned into you don't do this, and you don't do that, why don't you do this, and why don't you do that.  Remember this started because of a dog collar.  Then as with most arguments we got off the subject and started fighting about things that happened last week, and up to months ago.  Both trying to one up each other the argument just got worse and worse.  Now he changed his mind and insisted it was in the house and I told him no way I already looked, it had to be out there.  Finally after saying for the 10th time that he said he was going to get my hoodies out of the shed for over a week now, he goes to the shed.  While he's out there I started honestly trying to remember what we were fighting about.  I couldn't.  He came back in the house empty handed (I'm not sure he was looking but just humoring me), then he started looking in cabinets.  I asked what he was doing, he said looking for the stupid collar.  Then it hit me, the stupid collar, that's how this started?  A fucking dog collar?  A $7 dog collar?  Wow.

We were both under an insane amount of stress, I had been tired from working graveyard the night before, and he has been working 16 hours a day 6 days a week for a month and a half, oh and our oldest was suffering from a stomach bug.  I think we both realized how stupid it all was.  We were fighting at that point just to fight.  Just to get the stress of life out.  Its healthy in a non healthy sort of way.  Why an argument over a dog collar got as big as it did doesn't matter, it shouldn't have happened, and it sure shouldn't have happened at midnight.  He apologized, I apologized we went to bed.

In the morning the question still lingered.  Where was that stupid collar?  I asked our oldest son if he had seen it.  Nope he said, then "Oh its in the bag in the sun room, Daddy put it there when he was clearing out the sun room. 
Yes that paper bag right there.  It was in there the entire time.  So who was right?  Was it inside or outside?  I guess it doesn't matter, but of course I like to say TECHNICALLY it was outside.  I sent this to him after I found it.
After we have a fight we like to make fun of it, it nice that we can both laugh and joke about the situation.  Humor and the ability to realize when we are wrong is what has kept us together as long as it has.  If you want to stay happy you have to be able to take a joke and laugh at yourself. 

Moral of the story?  Fighting is inevitable in a relationship, but try to stay on the subject (even if its a $7 collar).  Oh and always check the sun room.

Now seriously where are my hoodies

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

I should really watch my mouth around my children

What is it about children and their memory?

It is a typical day after school, the kids are fighting, asking for snacks, and complaining that they cant watch T.V.  This is an everyday occurrence.  The same thing, with the same results,  In addition to that is the questions that pop out of nowhere, most of the time thanks to my 9 year old.  This is how it goes:

Son: When am I going to get my retainer?
Me: What are you talking about? (As I'm struggling to get the younger kids in the house)
S: When am I going to get my retainer?  You said I was
M: When did I say that?
S: A few months ago

Here is another example from a recent conversation:

S: Am I going to get a Happy Meal today?
M: NO! Why would I buy you a Happy Meal?
S: You said I could get one
M: When did I say you could get one?
S: You said if I could get 100% on my first 2 spelling tests I could get a Happy Meal
M: No I didn't say that
S: Yes you did!
S: Before school started

My 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter have also followed suit, I'll translate:

Son: When are we going to Gavin's house?
Daughter: Yeah we go Gavin house
Me: I don't know
S: (already crying) you said we were going to go!!
M: No I didn't!
S: YES YOU DID! You said we were going to go on Tuesday
D: (now crying as well) I want to go see Fifa!!
M: When did I say we were going to go on Tuesday
S: last week

I am constantly confused by my children.  How in the world do they remember this stuff?  Sometimes I wonder if I really say these things, or if they are just messing with me because I can't remember what I did yesterday.  Am I that forgetful when it comes to these things?  Is it a mom thing?  I know a lot of times when the kids start bugging me over and over about something I say "yeah, sure" just to get them to stop, but I'm not really expecting them to remember!  It seems just like us parents have selective hearing, children also have selective memory.  This is why I should no longer talk to my children when I am in the middle of something OR before I have had my coffee.

These are a list of things I wish they WOULD remember:

  • Closing the door when they use the bathroom
  • Putting the seat up
  • Putting the seat DOWN
  • Peeing IN the toilet
  • Being quieter when I pick up the phone not louder
  • Putting their dishes in the sink
  • Not bringing food in their room
  • Knocking before coming into my room
  • Letting me use the bathroom alone
  • Stop pulling the cats tail
  • Don't throw things
  • Don't throw things at each other
  • No T.V. until homework is done
  • I have to get everyone in the door before we can talk about snacks
  • Mommy is mean before coffee
Did I miss anything?

Friday, March 28, 2014

I'm a better parent than you

Ever get the feeling when you are talking to another parent that they are doing nothing but trying to outdo you or your child?

You: Timmy just counted to 10 yesterday!

Other parent: Oh that's great! Johnny can count up to 20 now....

You: Timmy got student of the month!

Other parent: Johnny has gotten it twice already this year

You get the point, and yes we all know someone that has done it.  You have maybe done it too either intentionally or unintentionally.  It seems that there is such a competition these days to be the best, and make sure that everyone knows it.  Everyone thinks they are the best parent in the world based on the decisions they make, and that's true, to a degree.  You ARE the best parent to YOUR child.  No one can raise your children better than you.  One of the many things I have learned from having children is that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, it just doesn't exist, but you need to trust that the decisions you are making are the best ones for you.  You also need to remember that what may work for you may not work for everyone else, because that is what can make you too opinionated for even your closest friends.  Here are the things we need to stop imposing our personal opinions on other parents (unless they ask for advice).

1.  Breastfeeding

I am a huge breastfeeding advocate.  I think it is healthy, beneficial, and of course free.  It was my choice, but that doesn't mean you are wrong if you choose not to.  Like all of the topics I will cover this one gets people crazy.  I have actually seen people attack others for choosing to formula feed instead of breastfeed.  Saying things like "selfish" "you don't care about the health of your baby" or even "formula is poison! you are feeding your baby poison!!".  Seriously?  How a woman decides to feed her baby is entirely HER decision, it is a decision she has thought long and hard about and has come to the conclusion that is best for HER.  No one has any right to tell a new mom how she should feed her baby, or question the first major decision she has made regarding her baby.  You can be pro breastfeeding without making others feel like crap.  So unless an opinion is asked of you, keep your negativity to yourself (and your possibly insane comments)

2.  Vaccinations

Oh man this is a crazy one.  Within the last 10 years more and more parents are choosing not to vaccinate their children due to the fear of Autism and the level of mercury used to preserve the vaccines.  Parents with Autism swear that vaccinations are to blame, which started a panic.  Now I don't know one way or another, but I would never discredit or attack a person whose views may differ from mine.   One of the people most seem to "blame" is Jenny McCarthy (who I love).  Sure she has been the most outspoken celebrity against vaccines, but so what?  Who is anyone to judge the way she decides to take care of HER child?  I saw it first hand the other day when I responded to a tweet she had written.  She posted a funny picture and under the comments one guy started laying into her saying how she is responsible for killing children, diseases coming back, and called her a "fucking moron" among other things.  The first thing that popped in my head was why the hell does this guy follow someone he hates?  The second is this person has no business attacking the way she parents.  Choosing to vaccinate or not vaccinate YOUR child should be based on YOUR research.  It is ridiculous to "single out" (ha ha see what I did there? huh? huh?) one person based on their beliefs.  Its not like she is the only one to speak out against vaccinations.  It is OK to disagree, but you don't need to be an ass about it.

3. Car Seats

One thing as parents we can all agree on is wanting to keep our children as safe as possible.  One of the best defenses in doing so, are car seats.  Now when my mom was a baby, they didn't have car seats, my car seat was like a bucket with straps, and even my sister had one of those with the huge bar across the front.  Now there are car seats with airbags, I'm not kidding, because I own two of them.  When I had my first son 8 1/2 years ago you were supposed to rear face the car seat for at least one year.  Same when I had my second son 4 years ago.  Now it is recommended to rear face for at least 2 years, but they say to do it as long as possible.  My daughter just turned 2 this month and on her birthday I turned her forward.  It was my own educated decision that I am comfortable with.  There are many out there who DO NOT agree with that, and its fine, but to be honest I am tired of seeing these horribly anger and profanity laced "debates" about it.  Much like the breastfeeding debate, people get nuts when you don't see things their way.  If you want to educate people fine, but don't attack them when they post a picture of their child in the backseat and it isn't to your liking.  It isn't any of your business.  Hopefully that parent has done their research and picked what they felt was best for their child.  I can tell you right now your opinionated passive-aggressive comment, or  comment posted with a "car seat safety link" will never go over well.  So just don't.

4.  Homeschooling

We all want our children to be educated, as smart as possible.  Homeschooling is something that has always been around, but has really picked up steam in the past few years.  With things like online classes, and even Skype, it is easier than ever.  Some parents choose to home school because of the violence in schools, or because their child is a slower or faster learner, or just because they don't trust their specific school district.  Whatever the reason may be they made the decision for a reason.  The cliche about home schooled children being isolated is unfortunate as homeschooling has come a long way.  When some people hear "We decided to start homeschooling Timmy" they really hear "We want Timmy to become anti-social and grow up to be a serial killer"  It is pretty sad but the reality of what certain people think.  Home schooled children still participate in school events, and even have field trips and social events.  It is not as isolated as so many still think, and I suggest you do your homework if you are going to try and tell a parent they are going to turn their kid into a serial killer. 

5.  Milestones

Never ever EVER compare your child to another, it will either make you look like a douche, or have you so panicked you will develop carpel tunnel from googling.  Just because Johnny is crawling at 4 months and Timmy isn't doesn't mean his motor skills are bad.  If Johnny starts talking before Timmy it doesn't mean Timmy has a speech problem.  If Johnny gets teeth before Timmy, it doesn't mean Timmy is going to need baby dentures, so calm down.  Every child hits different milestones at different times.  The books you see on the shelves are only there as guides to project when you may expect your child to his a certain milestone.  Try to keep the comparisons to a minimum, especially if your baby is ahead of everyone else.  No one likes a bragger, or a one-upper.  Sometimes it is better to just listen to the other person without interjecting about your kid.

All I'm saying with this is we need to be respectful of others, and their choices.  We will never agree on everything, because that just isn't how the world works.  If that were the case the word "war" wouldn't exist.  It is fine to be opinionated, but make sure that you aren't being overbearing, or lecturing others who don't want to hear it.  Like I said before, you DO know everything, and you ARE the smartest, most loving and educated parent, but only to your children.  Try and keep that in mind next time you want to lay into someone who doesn't see things the same way you do.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

10 things we need to stop doing on Facebook

There was a time that Facebook was fun.  Finding old friends and catching up, keeping in touch with family members that live far away, and countless other reasons.  I'm not sure how we went from that easy go lucky idea to what it is today.  While I still enjoy logging on everyday (OK all day) I find myself rolling my eyes a lot more lately, because some things have gotten out of control. We are all guilty of at least one of the things, or in my case multiple things, but you know what they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem so there you go.  Here are the top 10 things that need to stop, in no particular order.

1. Vaguebooking

I put this one first because it is MY biggest Facebook pet peeve. We all need a little extra attention every now and then, but Vaguebooking is just downright annoying.  You can always tell when someone is feeling a little left out of the cyber world when they post things like
"I'm sad"
"Why me?"

Well you get it.  There is nothing wrong with posting those things but when you start getting responses asking whats wrong (which is exactly what you want) and then respond to no one, it is obvious you just want to make sure people are paying attention to you.  You may be able to get away with that once in a while, but when you start doing it on a normal basis people will stop paying attention to you.  People will not even ask whats wrong anymore, because you have proven time and time again that you have no intention telling everyone just what the hell is wrong.  Whether you like to admit it or not, we are all nosy and hate when we get sucked in with no payoff.  That is a major Facebook turn-off.  Which brings me to my next thing.

2. Airing Your Dirty Laundry

I like some drama and gossip just as much as the other person, but somethings really should remain private, no matter how entertaining it may be for us.  This is most important when it refers to a couple.  Remember, when you are mad and post something horrible your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/lover or whatever did its hard to take it back.  Even if you delete it, chances are a majority of your friends have already seen it and will not be able to delete it from their memory.  This is especially important for couples with mutual friends. or couples where the other person doesn't have a Facebook and has no idea you are spewing your private stuff all over.  You may need to vent, and that's fine but when you share it with everyone you have just asked for more trouble.  If you have mutual friends someone WILL tell the other person and your mini venting session went from what you thought was something innocent to something on a much higher level.  Surely if you have 100+ Facebook friends you are close enough with someone you can text, call, email, or even IM (remember that?) right?  A temporary lapse in judgment is one thing when you write a rant but if it continues, you will most likely stop getting sympathy and start getting more eye rolls, and be prepared for someone to call you out on it.  The whole "I can write what I want its my page" thing only goes so far before people start hiding your feeds, or even deleting you.

3.  Posting Too Many Pictures of Your Kids or Pets (or both) in a day

Yes your kids are adorable, yes your pet is too, but don't over do it.  As parents we think every single expression, outfit, haircut, and sleeping position are adorable, and they are, but posting all of those things in one day is overkill (albums excluded).  No one will ever love your children the way you do, and the same goes for loving every picture you take.  I am 100% guilty of this.  It isn't an attention thing, you just want everyone to see how awesome your kid or pet is, but the truth is only a select few will really care after the 4th or 5th picture of the day, after that most will just scroll right past you.  Doing this every once in a while is one thing, then there are a select few that do it on a daily basis, posting nearly the exact same pictures every day.  Feel free to share but try to keep it to a minimum, or get on Instagram.  Oh and if you don't have kids and swear you will never be one of those parents, at some point you will. 

4.  Pictures of Disgusting Things

This is pretty self explanatory.  No one wants to see the massive poop your kid took, the projectile vomit, or the aftermath of a long drunk night out.  You may think its hilarious and interesting but the rest of us are cringing and unsuccessfully trying to get the image out of our heads.  You may even think its pretty cool your kid used the potty for the first time, and it is, feel free to tell us, but we don't need a visual.

5.  The Daily Selfie

We all know someone who loves themselves so much that they have to share a new picture with us sometimes multiple times a day.
"Going to the club!"
"Going to dinner!"
"Going to work!"
"Going to the bathroom!"

Its great that you have such high self esteem, and we like seeing new pictures of you, but unless you got plastic surgery, you look exactly the same as you did yesterday, thanks for reminding us.

6. Food--Instagram yes, Facebook no

As much as I was hoping this was a short lived trend, it is still going strong.  Nobody needs a daily picture of what you are eating.  If you are really REALLY proud of it then lets see it, but a PB&J? Yeah that's not newsworthy.  Save the food pictures for something special, like something you worked your ass off all day making, something unique, or even a Pinterest success (or fail, those are fun too).  In-N-Out is obviously an exception to this, but not if you eat it everyday.  And don't you dare post a picture on my news feed of plain old boring In-N-Out fries, those better be Animal Style or you'll hear about it from me.

7.  #hashtagging

#we #need #to #stop #talking #like #this #about #everything.  Also 100% guilty of this.  Hash tagging started off on Twitter for a reason.  Sometimes it can be hard to fit all of your thoughts in 140 characters, and on Twitter it is a way to see what other people are saying about the same thing you are talking about, but Facebook doesn't work like that.  It is understandable if you are cross posting from Instagram or Twitter, but if not then just say what you need to say, you have plenty of room!

8. Compulsive Woe is Me Posts

Everyone has bad days, there is no argument there, but attention seeking daily posts about how bad your life is is annoying.

"My life sucks"
"When will I have a good day?"
"Why do things keep happening to me?"

If you are posting like that on a daily basis you either are in need of some serious help (no sarcasm there) or you need to change what you are doing.  Unlike #1, this is the person who is constantly being shit on and doing nothing about it but feeling sorry for themselves and wanting everyone and their mother to know about it every day.  Nobody likes a constant Debbie Downer and with each post your sympathy level goes down.  The days will be numbered that people comment with "whats wrong?" "everything OK?" or "I'm sorry :(".  Eventually people will just be thinking "Shut up already!"

9.  Facebragging

Got a new car? I want to see. Met a celebrity? I want to see that too.  Wads of cash? Um yeah no thanks.  Fifth super expensive unnecessary new toy this week? No thanks I'll pass on that too.  There is a fine line between sharing things with people and bragging about them.  We all like to make people envious of us sometimes, but if you overdo it, they will just start thinking you are a douchebag.  Yes we all want nice things, and its cool when we get something we have saved for, or got for Christmas or whatever, but if you just have cash coming out of your ass and cant stop talking about it, we will stop being excited for you, and roll our eyes as fast as we scroll past you.

10.  Asking for Money

Why people do this I will never understand.  It takes a real ballsy person to ask people for money on Facebook for whatever it may be.  Charity, school donations, and stuff like that are different, but just for you?  Are you kidding me?  This sometimes can tie into #8.  Not always do people come right out and ask for money but they imply that they really need it.  Writing their sob story (or stories) in hopes it will appeal enough to garner donations.  Its tacky, and if you are hurting for money that bad contact someone privately that may be able to help you. don't post it all over the damn place.  The only time I have ever done this is in a joking manner like "Hey who wants to lend me $20,000 for a car?" or "Hey my birthday is coming up who wants to buy me an iPad?"  am I really asking for it?  Obviously not, its a joke, jokes are funny, pity is not.