Thursday, October 24, 2013

My mother, my rock

"Mother: a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth."
This may be the official definition but it hardly applies to my mother because she is so much more. 

My mom has gone above and beyond for me my entire life. Having a childhood with a single mom for some children is a difficult thing to go through. It is stressful, hard, and can be unenjoyable. I think for those children it is because the children are witness to the tough times and see their mothers (or fathers) breakdown wondering where the next meal is going to come from or how the rent is going to be paid. Not me. While my mom had her struggles, and for sure had to deal with the problems above, she never let me onto the fact that there was anything wrong. I never had any indication that things were bad at times, and that we were struggling and because of that I had an amazing childhood. No matter what there was always somethingn to eat, we went and did things and always found a way to have fun. 

My mom worked her ass off when I was little. She may not have always worked jobs she liked but she did it for me, not for herself but for ME.  She gave up most of her young adult life because she cared more about being a mom than being a woman in her 20's. 

I have always appreciated my mom, but I never understood just how hard it was for her until I became a mother. Being a mom is a wonderful thing but holy crap is it hard. I am married now with three kids and I could never imagine doing this alone. I don't think I would ever be strong enough to take that on on my own.  I would probably be in a psych ward by now. But that is the difference between my mother and I and one of the main things I have always admired about her...her undeniable strength and her amazing outlook on life. 

My mom is 100% an optimist and I am 100% a pessimist. I suppose it is a good balance because everytime I am having a breakdown about something (often because I am the queen of the "what-ifs")  my mom tells me not to worry and that things always have a way of working themselves out. I realize now that that is the mentality that got her through the hard times. Her optimism got her through those moments if doubt. It's the philosophy she lived her life by and what made her able to keep it together through the hard times (including my horribly disrespectful and wild teenage years). 

I think one of the best things I learned from my childhood is to never let your children know there is something wrong. Kids don't need to know, kids need the opportunity to be care-free and not start out as worry warts because it could be something that follows them into their adulthood. 

I believe there are many things that happened in my life that caused my severe anxiety, but not for a second do I think it has anything to do with the way I grew up. I wouldn't have traded my childhood for anything. 

To this day my mom continues to be my rock. There will never be anyone else that can make me feel the way she does. She is always there to give me great advice, sit through my babbling cry-filled breakdowns, stop me from second guessing my parenting choices, and most importantly remind me daily that I am a great person and mother and that no matter what the situation I WILL get through it.  Even if I made decisions she may not have agreed with she always supported me unconditionally, and if my decision blew up in my face she was and continues to be there to help me pick up the pieces. She is everything to me and I try to show her that as much as I can. I hope to someday be as strong as she is, but in the meantime it means the world to me that she is strong for both of us. 

I love you mom and thank you for always being there for me no matter what. 


Post a Comment